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March 27, 2005

Journal-

My family finally came back to me, today. I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life! I talked to them everyday, on the phone, while they were gone. Baylee got his curls trimmed while they were gone, not that you can tell.

I took them out to a nice dinner before we came home. Baylee made a mess of himself with the mashed potatoes! He ate all of his corn, like usual. Then, a couple fans came up to our table. As much as I love the fans, it gets annoying when I am trying to eat dinner with my family and they just walk right on up. After I signed a couple autographs they actually asked for Baylee to color them a picture! Can you believe that?

Anyways, we got home and I helped Leighanne unpack everything. She seems to be very agitated with me tonight, but I have no clue why. I am going to have to talk to her later and find out what’s wrong.

Baylee is tucked, tightly, in bed. He is excited for tomorrow. Nick and I are going to be taking him to the zoo for the day. I love going to the zoo with them, both of them get so excited! Nick loves it just as much as Baylee, and I like to watch their reactions to everything. It will be a fun day. God, I love those two goof balls!

Well since my yawning had increased greatly, I am going to turn in for the night, too. Another wonderful day is coming to a close and I am still no closer to understanding how I became so blessed.

- Brian T. Littrell

I closed the book and set it back on my nightstand. My nap had only lasted an hour and now, after reading, almost 2:30. Climbing off my bed, I straightened my clothes before heading downstairs. My eyes landed on Nick’s blonde hair as I walked into the kitchen.

“Did you talk to him Howie?” he asked without turning around.

“Not exactly,” I turned to see Howie standing behind me. He slung his arm over my shoulder.

“Well, someone has to do it.”

“Maybe YOU should, Nick. After all, you are the one turning into Kevin,” Howie chuckled.

“I am not turning into…” his voice trailed off as he turned around, seeing me standing there with Howie.

“Nick doesn’t like talking to me,” my eyes were locked with his. “I’m just a burden to him.”

“That’s not true, Baylee!” Nick argued and I felt Howie back away. Looking over my shoulder, I saw him retreat into the other room.

“You are such a liar! Admit it, you don’t want me, do you? The only reason you kept me is because you thought you had to.”

“Baylee, you don’t know anything about why I kept you. You don’t know anything about why I do anything that I do! You think you understand but you don’t.”

“Oh, I am pretty sure that I get the picture,” I crossed my arms and scowled at him from the doorway. He was busying himself with the dishes from their lunch.

“You DON’T get it Baylee! OKAY? And you never will, damn it! If you got it, you would understand that I can’t be that buddy that runs around Disney with you, squealing, goofing off in line, and pelting your dad in the head with peanuts! I CAN’T BE THAT GUY ANYMORE!”

“Yeah, well he was a lot better than whoever you are now,” I rolled my eyes and glared in his direction.

“Don’t you think I fucking know that? Damn it, Baylee! I just…I just can’t be him anymore, no matter how much I want to.”

“Why not? I liked being around you when you were like that!” I screamed as I walked closer to where he was standing.

“Guys like that can’t raise kids properly! I’m supposed to be all mature and shit now.” He shouted back. We were only a foot away from each other now as our battle raged on. “You have to deal with it and you have to listen to me!”

“AAAH! You USED to be my friend!”

“Yeah and NOW I am you guardian!”

“UGH! Why can’t you be both?” I stormed out of the room and started taking the stairs, two at a time. But I froze when I heard his response.

“I just…damn it, Baylee, I don’t know HOW!” He had followed me and was standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me. I could see AJ and Howie in the living room doorway…I KNEW they had been listening to the whole fight. All I could do was stand there and stare at him.

“Just loosen up a little, Nicky,” AJ stepped up and put an arm around Nick’s shoulders. Nick just continued to glare up at me and didn’t even acknowledge AJ’s presence.

“Brian, obviously, had faith in you, Nick,” Howie came to his other side.

“STOP! None of you get! Damn it. Uh! Just leave me alone,” Nick flung his arms in the air and stormed back downstairs to the basement. Knowing him, he was going to lock himself in his studio, again.

“Okay, Howie, it looks like you are going to have to go into the mediator mode of yours,” AJ sighed.

“I don’t think I should. First of all, I haven’t done that in a while so I am probably a bit rusty. Second of all, this just needs to build up until it explodes. Eventually the two of them will REALLY blow up and everything will come out. Nick will end up screaming, to the world, everything that is going on in that blonde head of his and Baylee, here, will spill his guts, too. Then they will hug and make up.”

“Okay, when did you turn psychic?”

“I’m not going to tell him what I think or feel because there’s no point, guys. He just gets mad and we fight. Besides, it’s not important.” I grabbed my keys and headed to the door. “If Nick decides he cares, tell him I went to Morgan’s. He knows her, where she lives, and the number. Plus, I have my cell.” I shook my head and left the house. It was a bit of a walk to Morgan’s house, but maybe it would give me time to think and clear my head.

I slowly trudged along, in the direction of my friend’s house. I was halfway there when it started to rain. It wasn’t a hard rain but it was more than a light sprinkle. I stopped in a little coffee shop, on the way, and sat at a small table with a cappuccino. Sipping it slowly, I warmed up and dried off a little bit before heading on my way again. I was finally walking up to her apartment, 15 minutes later.

“Well hello, Baylee,” Morgan’s mother greeted.

“Hi, Lisa, how are you?”

“I’m well. Come in and let’s get you all dried off.”

“Thanks. Where’s Morgan?” I asked as Lisa handed me a towel to dry my hair.

“She’s in her room. You may go ahead on in, she is just playing on the computer.”

“Thanks,” I smiled at her before heading to Morgan’s room. “Hey,” I greeted her as I ruffled her jet black curls. That’s only one thing that we have in common.

“BAYLEE! Guess what?!? Jason called and asked me out!” she squealed.

“You just better be careful with him. I know you think he’s cute and everything but he’s really not up to any good.”

“Oh poo, you’re just acting like a protective brother, again.” See, Morgan isn’t…well…she’s a computer nerd. I like her curls but they are usually not brushed and are just all tangled. Then, her clothes…well she lives alone with her mother and they don’t exactly have much money, so her clothes are usually out of style, stained, or torn. She is not, at all, ugly, but she’s not what the popular crowd calls beautiful either.

Morgan is, like, my best friend but the only way she is even partially popular is by association. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but none of my other ‘friends’ really like her, they haven’t even bothered to get to know her. But, they pretend to like her and everything because I am so popular and she is my friend.

“Somebody’s got to look out for you. And, I am telling you that Jason is a jerk.”

“He’s your friend!”

“We’re on the football team together…I hardly consider that to mean we are friends.”

“But he asked me out…ME!”

“Don’t go. I’m telling you! You’ll regret it.”

“Whatever, Bay. Anyways, I know you didn’t come here to talk about my date tonight. What is going on with you and Nick?” She swiveled in her chair as I finally plopped down on her worn out mattress that was just on the floor.

“I don’t even know what to do anymore, Morgs. We can’t even talk anymore without it turning into a huge fight. We did really well for a couple days but then all hell broke loose again,” I explained as I stretched out on her blanket.

“Why do you guys have such a hard time?” she stretched out next to me and rested her head on my arm.

“I don’t know. He said he didn’t know how to be my friend AND my guardian. So, I guess I am just stuck with him being all uptight and everything.” She turned to face me and propped her elbow on the pillow while resting her head in her hand.

“He sounds confused.”

“I found my dad’s journal this morning,” I looked up into her eyes. Her eyes were a really weird color…they were kind of a light brown and they had little flecks of green in them.

“Really?” she perked up and was now sitting Indian style looking down into my eyes with anticipation.

“I have only read two entries, so far,” I began explaining, “I am hoping that I will learn something good. Like, why they chose Nick as my guardian, for example.”

“Are you sure you really want to know the reason?”

“Nope.”

“You’re crazy Baylee. I hope you find what you are looking for, though.”

“You kids want some homemade chocolate chip cookies?” Lisa poked her head in the door before entering with a plate of cookies and a couple glasses of milk.

“YUM! I love your cookies, Lisa. They are sooo good!” I grabbed a cookie, taking a bite, and also a glass of the milk.

“Yeah, thanks mom,” Morgan smiled. The two of us sat enjoying our snack. After we were done, we talked for another half hour before I decided to start walking back.

“I’ll talk to you later,” I gave Morgan a tight hug and let myself out the door.

“See ya, Baylee,” she smiled as she watched me head down the stairs of the apartment building. I heard their door close just as I headed out the main door and back into the rain. It was a lot lighter now, just barely a drizzle. As I walked, I thought about how I could, actually, talk to Nick. It would be tough, but we really needed a good talk and I think he knew it, too.