Chapter 2

            Nick sat nervously in his chair as he carefully eyed everyone in the room around him. He shifted his eyes towards a woman and her screaming child. The child wouldn’t stop crying and the mother was doing nothing about it. Brian took notice of Nick’s trance while he tried to soothe Penelope in his arms.

“Nick stop staring,” Brian said

“I can’t… that kid won’t stop crying,” he whispered

“You know how it is to have a screaming child in-”

“Yeah but at least I try and calm them down! She’s just letting that kid scream his head off like no one else can hear him.”

“Nick just leave-”

“Excuse me miss,” Nick called

The woman snapped her head up, “Yes?”

“Can you please stop your child from screaming? Mine is very sick and the last thing she needs is a headache as well.”

The woman cocked her eyebrow, “You make him stop,” she snapped

“Excuse me? Isn’t he your child?”

“Yeah that his good for nothing father left in my care so now I’m stuck with him!” the woman groaned, “Patrick shut up!”

“Look that is no way to treat your child,” Brian injected

“Don’t you two have some poor pathetic woman to con her uterus from so you can spawn the perfect children that don’t know how to scream every fucking minute?”

“Haha she said fucking,” Dylan giggled

Nick’s face paled, “No Dylan, don’t repeat that!”

“Fucking!” he continued to shriek

“Oh my lord…” Brian groaned

“Thanks a lot! Now that you have just introduced my 5 year old to a dirty word, he can now coexist with the population of behavioral children. An organization that I am pretty sure you run, since your pathetic soul has nothing to do but blame someone else for why they can’t be a good parent. I strongly suggest that you spend a little less time looking like a teenaged hooker and more time being a parent!”

“Penelope Littrell?” a nurse called

            Nick stood up taking Penelope from Brian and holding her in his arms as he walked towards the door. Before entered the room he paused to look at the woman who still remained horrified at Nick’s remark. Brian got up holding Dylan’s hand as he caught up with Nick.

“Good day madam,” he said leaving her to her thoughts.

“When did you learn to speak like Kevin?” Brian questioned

“Ah, I think it’s the mommy juice I got from being pregnant.”

“The same mommy juice that-” Brian was quickly cut off

“Shut it! No more dirty talk from now on.”

            They followed the nurse into an empty examining room. Penelope clung to Nick’s shirt as he placed her on the examining table. When he tried to let go she still gripped his shirt. Sighing he pried her small hands from his clothing and placed them on her lap. She pouted, her round chubby cheeks looking like a blowfish.

“It’ll be ok. The doctors going to look at you and you’ll be all better. No more itchy eye!” Brian said with excitement.

“I remember the first time we came to the doctors…” Nick mumbled.

Brian smiled, “Yeah we found out-”

“That I was going to go through hell and that I’m partially a woman.”

“You are not partially a woman. You’re still a man just unique.”

“I suppose… do you think Dylan has the same condition?”

A silence filtered through the room, “I have never giving it any thought to be honest. I wonder if there’s a way to test him for it?”

Nick started to pant, “Oh god… the last thing I need is for both of my kids to be giving the special pep talk!” he whispered.

“Nick we’re supposed to talk to them about it.”

“Yeah but he’ll have to get both special talks…”

“That’s only if he’s like us. He could be a hetero person. When the time comes and he grows up he can make all the choices on his own and we’ll go from there.”

            Just then the office door cracked opened. Brian and Nick stiffened their posture as the doctor walked in. He had his back turned as he was shuffling through papers. As he turned around Nick let out a yelp, “You!” he screamed. Startled by his outburst he dropped all his papers.

“Nick! You scared him.” Brian said.

Nick shot up out of his seat, “Brian! Do you know who this is?”

“No…”

“It’s that crazy witch doctor from our fucking honeymoon! The one that knocked me up!”

“Nick language!”

The doctor looked from the both of them, “Mt. Littrell I can assure you that I wasn’t-”

“Liar!” Nick shouted.

“Nick!”

Suddenly Penelope started to cry loudly rubbing her eye feverishly. Brian got up and rushed to her side to try and calm her down. Nick took the opportunity to grab the doctor by his collar. The doctor’s eyes widened with fear as Nick pinned him against the wall.

“This is personal now…” Nick hissed.

“I’m going to call security!” the doctor yelled.

            The door to the room opened pushing both Nick and the doctor aside. “What is going on in here?” she asked. Everyone froze in the room except for Penelope. Nick let go of the doctor and backed away.

“This man impregnated me!” Nick shouted.

The nurse raised an eyebrow, “What?” she said weirdly.

“I don’t know what he did but he knocked me up. Don’t look at me that way he touched me! I want to file a lawsuit!”

Brian clamped his hand on Nick’s mouth, “We’re fine.”