I stepped cautiously into Matthew's room that afternoon. I'd been warned by one of my fellow nurses that he wasn't really in the mood for company. Not that I could blame him really. I think if I had to spend my days and nights stuck in a hospital bed attached to machines and being pumped full of medicines that made me feel miserable, I wouldn't really be up for company either. Heck my morning sickness had made me want to lay in bed all day and not talk to anyone and it was no where near what he was going through.

"Matthew," I whispered taking notice that his eyes were closed. I was pretty sure he wasn't sleeping, but I didn't want to wake him if he was, "it's me, Jessica."

He squinted his eyes open when I said it and gave me a nervous glance. He looked past me to the door and I could pretty much read his mind before he even asked the question.

"You didn't bring any doctors with you did you?"

I shook my head. He sat up in the bed and leaned back against the pillow. I walked over and sat down beside him.

"What's going on?" I asked hoping he may open up and talk to me but not really expecting it.

"Nothing." He said. I sighed. He reminded me of Aj when he said it.

"Okay..." Unlike with Aj I didn't press for answers. "Well I thought you might like to go for a walk with me."

He sat up a little at the suggestion. It wasn't often we gave patients in his condition a pass for a walk outside of their rooms so to hear me suggest it I'm sure was a surprise to him.

"Really?"

"Really. But you have to wear this."

I handed him the blue hospital mask and he nodded slipping it over his face. I stood to grab the wheelchair out of the hall and when I brought it back into the room he was standing beside his bed. I hadn't seen him stand in weeks. I helped him ease over into it and he smiled up at me.

"Thanks Jessica."

I smiled back at him.

We walked the halls for nearly an hour. I tried to make small talk a few times but I could tell his heart wasn't in it.

"Is something bothering you Matthew?" I finally gathered my nerve and just asked him.

"Something's always bothering me," he answered leaning back and looking up at me, "it's nothing new."

I looked down at him and frowned. "Well you know you can always talk to someone about what's bothering you."

He nodded. We walked on for a little while in silence before he spoke again.

"Jessica," he said. It was barely audible. I leaned down and touched his shoulder so he knew I had heard him.

"I don't think I can be a part of your movie."

I could feel the tension building up inside him. The way he said it... he sounded broken.

"Why not?" I asked him gently, stopping the wheelchair and walking around to where we were facing one another.

"Because... well... because, you said it was about life." He leaned forward and rested his chin in his hands.

I nodded. "Okay. Why does that make you feel like you can't be a part."

He sighed and I watched him carefully as a small tear found it's way down his cheek. I wanted to reach forward and hug him but I stopped myself and waited... and waited... and waited.

"I don't know." He finally said as he wiped his eyes and shook his head. "Forget I said anything... let's just keep walking."

I didn't press him. I knew this was going to take time. I stood and walked around to the back of the wheelchair and the two of us continued on our way.

I'd known it was going to be way different with Matthew than with anyone else.

I knew in my heart that for Matthew... my movie wasn't just some project.