I poked my head cautiously out of the dressing room door and sighed a breath of relief. Thankfully no one was around to see this but my best friend Angie. She had her back turned towards me, looking at a dress on a rack across the aisle so I had to hiss slightly to catch her attention.

"Pssst!" I whispered at her and she turned around quickly.

"Elastic waistbands??? Are they for real!"

She laughed at me and nodded as I stepped out, rolling my eyes when I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror outside the door.

"As if I wasn't feel uncomfortable enough already!" I sighed, lifting my shirt and exposing my rotund little belly to the world. "They could at least try to make a knocked up girl feel pretty."

Angie shook her head at me and giggled. "I think the point of the elastic pants is comfort Jess. Plus, you're glowing, and you're beautiful... elastic pants and all."

I reached over and gave her a hug. She always had a way of making me feel better... even if I knew she was lying.

I changed quickly back into the clothes I'd been wearing and took my stack of newly acquired maternity wear to the cash register. The girl at the counter smiled at me as she rang up the items. "How far along?" She asked as she motioned down to my growing tummy.

It was the first time anyone in public had acknowledged my pregnancy. I smiled back at her. It felt good. "4 months." I answered and she nodded congratulating me. I thanked her as we collected our bags and headed for the food court.

"So..." Angie said when we were finally taking our seats with our food a while later, "How are things with you and Aj?"

I grinned at her through a bite of cheeseburger and waited until I finished chewing. "Things are going really well actually."

Angie and I had been best friends for years... long before Aj was even a part of my life. She'd been there when I met him, when I dated him and she'd been the maid of honor in my wedding. I could talk to her about anything in the world and I knew it wouldn't get repeated. It was because of this she knew that Aj and I hadn't had the easiest marriage so far. She knew because on the days I disliked my husband the most, she was the one I turned to. On the days when we argued or got on each other's nerves... she was the one who was always there for me to talk to.

Aj and I started out pretty much perfectly. It had been a fairy tale relationship and anyone you asked would have agreed with that. We loved being around each other and we expressed our love in little ways every single day. We were both at a point in our lives where things ran smoothly -- the Backstreet Boys were on a break from touring so Aj stayed in LA working on the next album and enjoying his newfound sobriety. I had just started my job at the hospital and was only working weekends. Life just worked out perfectly that way. We spent a lot of time together and we had a lot of fun. Fun that was hard to find these days.

It wasn't until after our wedding that things really began to change. He went on tour with the guys and I flat out refused to leave my job and go touring with them. I started working more hours... he was working more hours and we didn't see each other nearly as often. The other guys wives all went on tour with them and he openly admitted it made him jealous. He wanted me there. It wasn't that I couldn't understand his feelings... I just had feelings too and I didn't feel like he was willing or even trying to understand mine. It was a pretty big issue in our relationship for a long time.

I looked over towards where Angie was sitting, watching me, smiling at me, and I felt so incredibly thankful for her. Honestly if it hadn't been for her Aj and I may never have made it. She talked me through a lot of things, made me understand things I hadn't thought of. I owed her my marriage, and now... my family.

She smiled back at me. "That's really great."

I nodded, "Things have really changed since I talked to Aj about work. I think he really understands now... or at least he's trying. And the baby, our baby, this is just something that we both want so much. He's going to be a wonderful father."

It was her turn to nod, "He is!"

I stared down at the bracelet on my wrist, the heart bracelet he'd given me for our anniversary. Aj really was trying to understand. He'd changed so much in the past couple of months. I'd leave for work in the mornings now and he'd give me a kiss and wish me luck. I'd come home in the afternoon and he'd rub my shoulders and ask me how my day had been. Even now I didn't really discuss my job with him... I still followed the cardinal rule of not bringing my work home with me... but his simply wanting to be a part of it made all the difference in the world.

"Do you know what you're going to do when the baby is born?" Angie asked pulling me from my thoughts.

"Well... I've actually decided to take time off. I don't want to put our child in daycare or hire a nanny and I know we can afford it, Aj reminds me daily, so I'm going to stay home for a while. We may even tour with the guys next year if I'm feeling generous." I laughed and Angie smiled.

"Sometimes I feel so out of the loop when it comes to the Backstreet family," I added looking over at her as she gave me the look that asked, "Why's that?"

"I mean... Aj's right in a way," I continued, "I don't go to their events or show up at every concert or travel on their tours with them. I consider myself friends with Leighanne and Leigh, but I have so many friends here through work and from college, that it's never been a big deal to me. But now, with the baby coming, I guess I just want to feel like more of their family. I mean I see the way they all interact and have fun and sometimes I feel left out."

She nodded understandingly as I reached down and rubbed my tummy instinctively.

"I know it's my own fault... with not being willing to give up my job..."

She shook her head, "You know it's not your fault, you never should have been asked to give up something you loved as much as your job."

"I know... it's just... I think this little blessing is going to bring big changes."

More than anything... I hoped it.