"Can you believe we're really already halfway there?" I asked Aj from my seat in the OBGYN waiting room.

"What's that Jess?" He asked looking up from the magazine he'd been reading and eyeing me questioningly. I rubbed my stomach and sighed.

"Can you believe we're halfway through this pregnancy already? I mean... it just feels like it's going by so fast."

He smiled and reached over to lay a hand on my stomach himself. "I know, I'm getting excited!"

He went back to reading his magazine and I sat in silence watching the other pregnant women in the room. They all seemed to be glowing more than I was... they seemed more prepared for this. I don't know why I thought that way... I just did. I sighed. Hormones I supposed.

The nurse called my name and the two of us stood together and walked back into the office. They weighed me... the part I hated most and then led us to a small room with an ultrasound machine. Today was the day. I recalled the doctor's words from a month earlier, "At 20 weeks we can attempt to identify the sex of the baby."

The truth was... we still weren't sure we wanted to.

I looked over at Aj who was looking around the room at all of the equipment and I reached out to grab his hand. He walked over and took my hand in his. "Everything okay babe?" He asked looking a little concerned as a tear trickled down my cheek. I thought I was over the whole emotional part... I guess I was wrong.

I shook my head. "I just don't know if I want to do this... find out what we're having." I sniffed as he wiped my cheek with his hand.

"Jessica," He said giving me a very serious look, "you know that I am up for whatever you want to do. I will be happy with knowing or with waiting. I just want this baby to be healthy."

I smiled at him. He had been so incredibly understanding through all of this.

My doctor walked in and frowned when she saw me crying on the table. "Everything okay?" She asked looking slightly concerned.

"Just emotional." I responded, almost laughing when she nodded her head knowingly. She walked over and took my hand, "You'll get through this," She said... "Promise."

I nodded slightly and leaned back on the table as she performed my exam.

"Have you felt any movements yet?" She asked as she pressed gently on my belly. As if in exact response to her question the baby gave a gentle flutter. She laughed, "Guess that answers that question."

"That's my kid!" Aj exclaimed, "attitude already!"

We all laughed.

I hadn't felt any major movements yet and Aj hadn't felt anything, but the little flutters were a daily occurence that left me aching for more. I knew that the gentle kicks were soon to come and I was more than ready.

When the exam had ended the doctor asked the million dollar question, "Well... do you guys want to know what you're having?"

I looked over at Aj and he nodded his head towards me. I knew it was my decision but it was a difficult one to make. I shook my head, "I just don't know."

She nodded in understanding. "You know," she said as she pulled the ultrasound machine over, "I'll be finding out regardless... you don't have to decide today. You can wait and if you decide you want to know in a week or two, or even more you can call and ask. There's always a chance we won't even be able to tell today."

I sighed with relief. She was giving me the out I'd been looking for. I nodded, "Okay. I think maybe that's what we'll do."

She placed a hand reassuringly on my shoulder. "I think you'd be surprised how many couples struggle with this decision."

She pulled out the tube of goo and began lathering it on my stomach. I breathed deeply through the shock of the cold gel against my skin. Aj held my hand as she searched for the heartbeat and our baby on the monitor.

There it was. That sound. The sweetest sound in the world. A steady beat. Our baby.

In that moment it didn't matter to me if it was a boy or girl. Aj was right, all that mattered was a healthy baby.