I stared down at was once a very organized stack of baby announcements, now scattered all about the dining room table in front of me. I'd been addressing and labeling envelopes for hours -- 20 finished now and God only knew how many left to go. I'd come to the conclusion that having a famous husband who knew (and really liked) a lot of people wasn't always such a good thing. Had it been up to me I would be sending out announcements to our closest family and friends and leaving it at that... but no... AJ had a list of people a mile and a half long who he'd promised to send announcements to when our bundle of joy arrived. Had I been smart I would have told him when he first gave me the list that he could send them off himself or kiss my oversized butt... but of course, not at all in the mood for a postnatal bitchfest (which I was pretty prone to), I'd just shrugged if off, shut my mouth, and started feverishly addressing envelopes. Now I wasn't so sure my writing wrist would ever be the same again.

I stuffed the announcements into the finished envelopes, slowly but surely, making certain that each contained the newest photos of baby Matt. Thank God for Aj and his ability to take a photograph, we had a billion already and he'd taken it upon himself to at least choose which ones to use.

I sighed as I set my ink pen on the table and glanced down at my tiny baby boy, sweetly tucked into the sling on my chest and nestled snuggly to my breast where he spent most of his time these days feeding and sleeping happily. Just like his daddy -- addicted to my boobs and only content when eating. The only difference was Matthew prefered breastmilk over McDonalds and at least he a good reason to be so attached to my melons. I laughed slightly at the thought and cuddled my son closer to me as he slept. There was no greater feeling in the world than having him right there close to me and knowing he was totally and completely, one hundred percent mine.

It was hard to believe it had been three weeks since he'd arrived in the world. Three weeks of sleepless nights and nervousness mixed with the constant feelings of overwhelming love and joy. I was amazed over and over again at all of the emotions motherhood could make a person feel -- emotions I never knew were even possible to experience until the moment I held my son in my arms. I loved Aj. In fact, I was totally in love with Aj, and giving birth to his son only made the feelings of love I'd always had for him grow tenfold... but this was different. This was a love beyond any love I'd ever known in my entire life and if I'm being honest... sometimes it was completely overwhelming. I'd smiled more, laughed more and cried more in those past three weeks than I had at any other time in my life. My emotions bounced from happy to sad, from wide awake to completely exhausted, from stressed to laid back about nine hundred fifty times a day. Aj had been wonderful through it all though, constantly reassuring me that it was normal, that my wonky hormones were to blame... but there were definite moments I was pretty damned sure I was just losing my mind. It had taken weeks to get back to feeling even halfway human, and I had a feeling that a whole lot human was a long way away.

I sighed as I lifted one of the photos from the table and felt a tear slip down my cheek -- my wonky emotions at work again. It was a photo of Aj laying on the couch with Matthew curled up and sleeping comfortably on his chest. I'd always known my husband would be a wonderful father. I'd known from the moment I'd met him... his gentleness and his uncanny ability to make everything okay at least most of the time... I just knew. What I'd never even beginned to imagine was just how incredible a father he would really be. He doted on our son, held him constantly, changed diapers, gave baths... he was an incredibly involved father and I loved that about him. He'd told me one of our first nights home as we lay in bed together listening to the sounds of our newborn son's soft breathing from his spot between us that he was going to do everything in his power to be a better father than his father ever was to him. He didn't have to tell me that though... I knew he could make several dozen mistakes and still be a better father than his father ever was or ever could have been.

I stood from the table and walked quietly into the livingroom, trying my best not to disturb my sleeping boy. It was a rainy day outside and the unusual chill in the air wouldn't allow for our now nearly regular afternoon walk. Since we'd brought Matthew home, I longed to get out of the house more, to travel like we used to, to go out to eat or shopping, but we stayed home and kept our baby away from the germs and the chaos of life and those walks were one of the few things that I looked forward to now to help get me through the new monotony of my now routine. It was a double-edged sword, this life. I missed my job, my coworkers, my patients and I longed to return to work again, but no matter how much I loved my job, I loved being home with my son even more... even during the most boring moments.

I gently slipped Matthew out of his sling and up onto my shoulder where he promptly burped loudly and released a small stream of spit up down my back and onto my arm. This may have bothered me before I became a mother... may have had me running off and changing my clothes... but not now. Now I wiped it off with a burp cloth, pulled my shirt off and nestled into the rocking chair in just my bra, with my soft and squishy baby. These were the moments I loved the most. Curled up together, his warm body against my bare skin, his baby scent wafting up to my nose, his soft brown hair tickling my chin. Aj was out recording with the Brian and wouldn't be home for several more hours so it was just the two of us now, alone and peaceful there in our own little world. I pulled the blanket up around us and flipped on the stereo, humming the melody of the song as I gently rocked the two of us to sleep.