I glanced over at the clock on the bedside stand, the flashing red numbers letting me know that the power had returned at some point during the middle of the night. I didn't know what time it was and I didn't care. Matthew was sleeping peacefully in his basinet at the foot of our bed, having woken only once during the night for a feeding. How worried I'd been that my son would be the kind of baby who slept all day and cried all night. How relieved I was that he was the kind of baby who napped at regular intervals, entertained us during his waking hours with coos and sighs and baby love and slept like an angel during the night.

A light was peeking in the window beneath the dark mocha curtains, a sure sign that daytime was upon us and I knew that regardless of his angelic nightime sleeping, my boy would soon wake up ravenously hungry for his morning feed. I curled my toes up under the covers, and sighed a relaxing sigh. The room was that peaceful kind of quiet that lets you know that you belong. The only sounds I could hear were the steady patter of raindrops on the windows, and the gentle breathing of my husband from his spot beside me in our bed.

This was by far one of my favorite moments of everyday -- waking up in bed beside the man I loved, laying there in the quiet peacefullness of morning, listening to him breathe, my hand against his chest and our legs intertwined. I always loved waking up in that one spot that feels the most comfortable, that one spot that your body found sometime in the middle of the night, when you were completely relaxed and completely asleep and completely and totally at ease. It's always nice to just wake up and not move -- to lay there in that one spot for as long as you possibly can, so comfortable that you think you may never leave your bed. And then something happens and you have to move and you can never quiet find that perfect spot again.

I stared at Aj, sleeping beside me, lying on his stomach with his hands folded beneath his pillow. I reached over and gently stroked his cheek, watching as he stirred momentarily before drifting back into his dreams. It was amazing how badly I missed him even though he was inches away from me. Our son was 5 weeks old, 5 weeks and we knew the magic number was six weeks... but waiting that long was so hard. I wanted him and he wanted me and we wanted each other. I was nervous and scared by the idea, sure... but the love I had for him and the desire I had to make love to him far outweighed my fears.

I stared at him for a while longer, wanting desperately to crawl beneath the covers and have my way with him. I could hear Matthew beginning to stir in his bassinet and I knew that soon, very soon he would be ready to eat. I sat up in the bed and leaned down towards the end, peering quietly into our baby's nest of blankets. He was still asleep, just restless now, but I wouldn't wake him yet. He always ate better when he was hungrier anyway. When I turned back towards Aj he was stretching in the bed, pulling the blanket up tight around his body and staring up at me with eyes that made me yearn for him even more.

"Mornin' babe," he whispered as he reached for my arm and pulled me in for a kiss.

"Mornin'." I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair as I kissed him harder and longer than I had in a long, long time.

"What was that for?" He asked with a smirk and a grin after I'd finally pulled away... "Not that I minded," he was quick to add.

"I just miss you."

"Sweetheart," he pulled me close as we laid back down together, Matthew beginning to whimper at the end of the bed, "I'm right here... I've always been right here."

I nodded. I knew. It just sucked that he was right there and I couldn't have him. Sucked that he was so close and yet so far away. And yet when I looked into the eyes of my son everyday and every night I knew that every single second was worth it. I would have given up more than just sex if it meant having him in my life.

"It's just..."

And I was going to explain, but at that moment the phone beside the bed began to ring and Matthew let out a shriek that signaled his milk better be served swiftly. I hopped up out of the bed quickly and grabbed the burpcloth from the dresser.

"You get the phone, I'll get the baby," I hollered at Aj as I stumbled my way across the room, careful to avoid the piles of baby laundry and the bouncy seat and the corner of the swing. The amount of laundry and plastic baby crap you accumulate when you have your first child... well, it's ridiculous! I scooped Matthew up out of his bed just as Aj was answering the phone.

"'ello," I heard him say as I settled myself into the bed beside him and tried to coax my now overly hungry baby to latch on.

"Hey D!"

I looked at Aj with my eyebrows raised.

Howie.

A call this early in the morning could only mean one thing and this one thing was something we'd been waiting on for quite some time.

"No man, it's cool," I heard Aj ramble as he shuffled around in the bed to get comfortable, "we were already up."

And this was true. Even if we hadn't technically been "up" we were awake. And even if we hadn't been awake... well it would have happened soon enough.

"That's awesome man! Congratulations!" And here I gave Aj my most annoyed 'what the hell' kinda glance because I wanted to hear the conversation too... I wanted to know! And he seemed to get that because the next second I heard him say, "Hold on a sec man, let me put you on speaker so Jess can hear too."

"Hey Jess!" I heard Howie's voice, loud and proud, on the other end of the line.

"Hey Howie! What's the news!?" I found myself guinuinely excited for him.

"It's a girl! 8 pounds, 1 ounce, 20 inches long. She was born this morning at 4:30!" The enthusiasm was evident in his voice. Howie had waited forever to be a daddy and now he was finally getting his chance. And it was only so fitting that he was the first Backstreet Boy to have a Backstreet baby girl. Howie just seemed the type of guy who needed a "daddy's girl" in his life.

"Aw, that's terrific Howie! What's the name!?" We'd all been waiting with baited breath to find out baby Dorough's name. Nick was absolutely convinced that Howie was going to win and she was going to be named Kahlani. I was voting for Carmen and Aj liked Leigh's idea of Isabella.

"Luciana Marie Dorough," I sighed a relieved breath, thankful she wasn't being named after some hot fan date Howie'd had years before and grinned. It was a lovely name.

"And she's absolutely beautiful. She looks just like Leigh... but I think she has my nose!" It was awesome to hear him rambling quickly and excitedly about his new daughter. I could only imagine that Aj had sounded the same when he'd called his 'brother's' to tell them all about Matthew's birth. It made me smile to think of that day.

"That's a beautiful name man, I bet she's adorable," Aj whispered as he wiped a small tear from his cheek. He'd become so sensitive since our son was born. He'd been looking forward to sharing these moments of birth and babyhood with Howie for a long time now.

After a few more minutes a chatter Howie hung up to go be with Luciana and Leigh, reassuring Aj that they'd still be back in California in time for Thanksgiving and that we were all getting together for our yearly Backstreet Thanksgiving party. It would be the very first time that we'd have all of the Backstreet babies together. The first boy, Baylee and the first girl, Luciana and our sweet little Matthew who was just lucky enough to be the peanut butter on the sandwhich.

I looked down at my now content baby, smiling in my arms and then to my beautiful husband, smiling beside me. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful life. I may have wanted some intimate time with my husband... but I knew that some things were worth giving up, at least for a little while, when it meant having something so much greater in return.