Katya watched him sleep for hours. If she closed her eyes and cleared her mind, she could feel herself in her own bed, still hear the snow on the windows, still feel the blankets on her. The last thing she remembered was going to sleep, but she had thought it over and she knew this wasn't a dream, everything had been too real. Dreams don't bleed, dreams can't reach out and touch you, you can't reach out and touch a dream.

Not for the first time since this whole mess happened, she closed her eyes and asked why she was there, hoping for some answer to fall into her lap. Just like every time before, none came. With a sigh she opened her eyes and realized several hours had gone by. Nick was still clinging to her like a life line, his peaceful face showing none of the strain and stress of the last six months.

As she looked down at him, his eyes fluttered open and he smiled when he saw her still there. "I guess my first good night's sleep in six months wasn't your purpose either huh? You're still here." He smiled at her and she couldn't help to smile back.

"Well if it was sleep you needed, they could have sent Mr. Sandman to bring you a dream. And make her the cutest that you've ever seen..."

He groaned and plugged his ears with his fingers. "Dammit, now that song will be in my head all day. I hope you're happy!"

She stood up and sat in a chair by the bed, "Yup." A self satisfied smirk on her face.

Before another word could be said, a new doctor came in, "Good Morning, Mr. Carter!"

Nick raised his head, "Nick. Just call me Nick. Mr. Carter is my fa.... well Mr. Carter is someone else."

The doctor looked at him closely and nodded, "Well Nick it is then! How are you feeling this morning?"

Nick shrugged, "Less out of it. My wrist still hurts. But I guess that's to be expected huh?"

The doctor nodded, "Ok now the we have the physical out of the way. How about the rest of you?"

Nick eyed the doctor warily, "You're a shrink, aren't you? Did my parents send you?"

The doctor shook his head, "Yes and no. I am a shrink, but your parents did not send me. It's hospital policy with cases like yours that they have a hospital psychologist talk to you before discharging you."

"Your name?"

The doctor raised an eyebrow in confusion and then his mouth dropped open as he lightly slapped himself on the forehead, "Oh, in all the pleasantries, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Sterling. Sterling Davies. And before you ask, no money does not shoot out my rear end when I laugh. My mother watched too many soap operas. I narrowly escaped being called Brick or Stone or Granite or something equally ridiculous."

Nick looked at the man going on, his hands flying around as he spoke and realized he reminded Nick of Brian. They had the same exuberance. 'I think I'm going to like this guy.' Nick smiled, the first genuine one to someone other than Katya in a long time. "It could have been worse you know."

Sterling raised an eyebrow, "Do tell."

"Seymour, Horace, Deuteronomy....."

Sterling dropped his clipboard on the bed in recognition, "You watch Mad About You too? Doody-on-a-you...."

"Deuteronomy!" they both said at the same time.

Sterling laughed and sat on the edge of Nick's bed, "Yup that would have been hell as a child. At least nothing rhymes with Sterling."

"Hurling."

Sterling laughed, "I was before the times of Hurl, Nick. Thank goodness." He wiped imaginary sweat off of his forehead.

Nick smiled, "So did they tip you off on who I am?"

Sterling shook his head, "Who you are?"

Nick nodded, "I thought they would have. I'm one of the Backstreet Boys. I used to be known as the cute one, now it's probably the crazy one."

Sterling shook his head, "From what I've seen so far, you seem to be quite normal. The Backstreet Boys huh? What do you sing?"

Nick raised an eyebrow, "You really haven't heard of us?"

Sterling shook his head again, "No, can't say as I have. I'm more of a classic rock kinda guy."

Nick smiled, "Journey?"

Sterling nodded, "Oh yes. The Guess Who, Ted Nuggent, all of that kind of music. Keeps me going. So what do you sing?"

Nick shook his head, "I think I like it that you don't know who I am. You don't expect anything from me."

Sterling shrugged, "Ok then. You will just be Nick Carter, fellow Journey fan. Ok with you?"

Nick nodded enthusiastically, he liked talking with this guy, "More than ok."

Sterling tapped his pen on Nick's wrist, "So fellow Journey fan, did Steve Perry drive you to this?"

Nick shook his head, "No."

Sterling nodded, "Well what did?"

Nick looked over Sterling's shoulder at Katya, who was watching the two of them from across the room.

Katya had watched the doctor and Nick interact and she knew that Nick could trust him, she could just feel it about him, his light gave that away. She knew Nick needed to talk to someone before the weight of it all drove him mad. She looked back at Nick and nodded her head, giving her vote for him to talk to the doctor. He'd been keeping this to himself for too long.

Nick took a deep breath and held it, trying to size up the man in front of him. Could he be trusted?

Sterling looked at him, "Nick, what you say stays here with me. It doesn't leave this room. "

Nick closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He started the same story that he had told Katya the night before, finding once the words started coming out of his mouth it became impossible to stop them.

He told him about finding the papers and finding out his mother was really his aunt and vice versa, he told him about burying himself in his work, not letting himself think about it. About avoiding his brother and sister, because he knew if he saw them he would have to build upon the lies that they had all been fed their entire lives.

He told Sterling about the book his mother had written, The Heart And Soul of Nick Carter, and that it now made him sick, the lies had spread further than their family now, it had become world wide. "All of the things she wrote about being pregnant, she must have taken from being pregnant with my....cousins."

"Just because they aren't biologically your siblings now, doesn't mean they aren't your brother and sisters. Nick, they are just as innocent in all of this as you are. They are just as much victims of all of this. But you are their big brother, their protector, and that goes way beyond any biological claims."

Nick sighed, "Will they see it that way though?"

Sterling nodded, "When you and their parents decide to tell them, you need to be there to tell them that you will always be their big brother, that nothing will take you away from them. Give them the security of knowing that nothing is going to change between you and them. And mean it, Nick. You can't avoid them. They need you just as much as you need them."

Nick nodded, "I do need them. Oh god, I miss them so much!"

Sterling smiled, "Then call them. Call your brother and let him know you are thinking of him, from the way you talk about him, he seems to be the one you miss the most."

Nick smiled at the mention of Aaron, "I will. He's probably pretty hurt that I haven't talked to him in so long."

"Kids are resilient, as long as you are sorry for it, they'll forgive you almost anything. Just give him the love and attention you've been holding back on and he'll eat it right up."

Nick nodded and fell quiet. Sterling looked at him and knew there was more to the story. Something Nick needed from him to be able to continue. "Nick? What is it?"

Nick was looking down at his hands, which rest in his lap. He seemed as still as a statue. Sterling put a hand on his shoulder and Nick looked up, tears streaking down his cheeks and his lower lip trembling as he tried to control his emotions enough to speak, "Am I...a..mi...mistake God made and couldn't take back?"