Everyone watched Nick and Kevin obviously having a moment, but not knowing the circumstances that had caused it. Kevin smoothed his hand over Nick's blond locks and held him close, rocking them both slightly in an effort to calm the young man in his arms.

Nick fought back the tears that were threatening to spill over his cheeks. He needed to keep himself together. He sighed against Kevin's chest, feeling safe and protected, like nothing could hurt him in Kevin's arms. He felt the light that was radiating off of Kevin surround him in it's warmth. It was exactly the way he felt in...before.... He shut off that thought with a shake of his head. That was the past now and he needed to get to work on his future.

Nick indulged himself in another moment in the safety of Kevin's arms before pulling out of the embrace. He raised his eyes to look into Kevin's, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to....I just didn't know what else to do, It hurt so much."

Kevin's eyes shone with unshed tears, "You don't need to apologize to me or anyone else. We should be apologizing to you for letting you down. Nick you aren't alone in this, you have all of us to see you through."

Nick looked over to see Howie and AJ nodding in agreement. AJ stepped forward and pulled Nick into a hug, "I know what it's like to have a parent turn their back on you, Nick. It's happened to me too and it hurts. There is no pain like that in the world. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it goes away completely, but it does get better."

Nick looked into AJ's eyes and saw the empathy and sincerity shining out of them. But behind that he could see the pain of having someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally turn their back on you. It was the same look he saw when he looked in the mirror.

Nick felt like a fool for not realizing that AJ would understand more than anyone what he was going through. Instead he had shut them all out. Now, more than ever, Nick knew he was doing the right thing. He needed to get himself well again, whole again, he owed them all that. He owed it to himself.

Howie hugged him next and all he could offer was sympathy. Nick sighed as he hugged Howie back, he may not know what he was going through, but just knowing he was there to support him, no matter what, was comforting. It helped more than he knew how to express.

Brian cleared his throat and Nick pulled away from Howie, turning around. Brian patted the bed, "I think it's time you told them, don't you?"

Nick nodded and sat on the bed, facing the line of chairs of his four bandmates. "I've already told Brian this, I hope you'll all be as understanding as he is. I need you to hear me out without interrupting. Can you do that for me?"

Everyone looked at AJ and he looked right back at them, "What?! I am capable of being quiet, I just usually choose not to be!"

Nick rolled his eyes and continued, "I need to leave the Backstreet Boys...." He heard the intake of breath and put up his hand to stop the three of them from speaking, "Wait a minute! For a while. Not forever. You four are the best thing to ever happen to me, Backstreet Boys is the best thing in my life and I will never walk away from it. But I need to get my self back. I need to figure out who I am, because everything I knew or thought I knew has turned out to be lies and deception and finding out the circumstances of the way I came into the world.....I just need time to take it all in and learn to deal with it. I need to get my life back."

They all sat in silence until AJ looked up, "Where will you go?"

"Sterling found this place in Montana that sounds like just what I need. They are well known and specialize in people like me that have.....done what I tried to do to myself. They are pioneers in art therapy. It sounds like the perfect place for me, and they even have snow. I miss snow."

Howie looked at him strangely, "You miss snow? Ocean Boy misses snow?"

Nick pouted, "Hey! I wasn't always an Orlando kid, I lived in New York state until I was eight. It's been a long time since I've seen a winter with snow. I think the change of scenery will do me good. Less to remind me."

Kevin leaned forward and took the brochure off of the bed, looking it over with a critical eye. After all, this was the place that he was entrusting his Nick to. They had better be good. Damn good. He looked up at Sterling, "In your professional opinion, is this the best place for Nick to be?"

Sterling nodded, "Yes, it's the best in the country for dealing with issues like Nick's. My concern was to get him the best possible care and everything else on his wish list came second. This is the best possible place he could be knowing his strengths and weaknesses and his love of art and drawing. It's a perfect match."

Kevin nodded, "Can we visit him?"

Sterling nodded, "There is a visiting day once a week, they understand the value of not cutting their clients off from their friends and family as long as they are not the problems that are facing the client. I know just from interacting with you that it's not the case here and they will have no problem with any of you visiting."

They all nodded and looked over the brochures with Nick and pointed out things that they liked about the place.

Katya watched silently from her corner, the amount of support that surrounded Nick was amazing. If only everyone in the world could have that much love and support behind them. But Katya knew that it came at a high price for Nick. He almost had to lose it all before he realized what he had.

She was truly happy for Nick, he seemed to be getting his life back on track. But why was she still here? The uneasiness in her spirit churned, she had helped in some small way to get him back on the journey he was destined to travel, but yet still here she was.

Katya came out of her reverie to see Brian casually standing in front of the dresser she was sitting on, pretending to study the card on the flowers that sat there. "Are you staying with him? Will you watch out for him?"

Katya knew he was talking to her, his voice was too low for him to be speaking to anyone else. She looked up to meet Brian's eyes and nodded, "I will Brian. As best I can. I hate to see him hurting."

He nodded and reached out his hand, laying it on Katya's shifting one, "I think you are good for him. I think he's also good for you."

She only nodded as the shrill ring of the telephone breezed through the air in the room. Nick looked up from the brochures and reached over to grab it without a second thought. "Hello?"

"Can't you do anything right?"

Nick froze as he heard the voice that froze his heart. The same voice that had rang in his ears when he drove the razor through his arm, urging him on, taunting him. The voice of the woman who gave birth to him. His throat closed over and he was unable to say a word.

That was ok, she had plenty to say, "How hard is it to cut your wrists, Nick? It must be pretty hard for you to screw it up. Either that or you are too stupid to handle it, just like your father, a coward. All your life you have brought me nothing but pain and repulsion at the sight of you and you had one moment where you could make up for it and you blow it! Why can't you just die and stop tormenting me? I WANT YOU DEAD, WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT??!!!"

The phone slipped from Nick's numb fingers, all blood drained from his complexion as he started to shake. It wasn't like a shiver from the cold, or a shudder, it was as if every fiber of his being had come together and clenched and released every part of his body in perfect synchronicity and rapid repetition. Kevin dove for him and managed to catch him on the downfall, sparing him the impact of the floor. A horrible noise came from Nick's lips, like a low, long scream. What it lacked in volume, it made up for in the sheer terror it struck the hearts of everyone in that room.