It was a beautiful day in May as Nick sat on the dock that stretched out into the ocean from his house. His golden hair shone in the sun, no longer in the bowl like cut that he had made famous, it was shorn more closely to his head and revealed that behind the boyish hair, Nick had grown up while no one was looking. His feet were submersed up to his ankles as he slowly swung his legs back and forth creating small waves among the bigger ones working their way in from the horizon.

The cd was finished and was only waiting now for it's release date. Their first single, "I Want It That Way" was burning up the airwaves and Nick was enjoying the last few days of calm before the chaos of the record release took over his life.

The Florida sunshine warmed his shoulders and arms, the flesh not used to being exposed to the elements. Ever since being released from the clinic, he had to be careful to always wear long sleeved shirts or have an armband or something around his wrist to hide the scar that creeped up his arm from his wrist. He raised his arm and looked at the thin embossed line of pink flesh that was the still healing scar. He smiled as he let his arm down. Kevin had been dragging him to the gym lately and he had to smile at the irony of working so hard to get his body in the decent shape it was in and then not being able to even bare his arms because of the scar on his wrist. He chuckled at the thought of the theories going around about why he was so reluctant to show some skin. There was the Brian influence ones, but by far his favorite was the one that was going around saying he refrained from all drinking, sex and even bare arms because he was going to enter the priesthood after the next BSB album was released. He rolled his eyes at the thought. "If they only knew."

He looked out over the ocean lost in his thoughts. He started humming to himself one of the songs off their new cd and then abruptly stopped when he realized what it was. The Perfect Fan. Merely the thought of the song drove a sharp pain through his heart. Even though it had been written before Brian had known of the whole mess that Nick's family life had turned into, Brian had offered to pull the song from being considered for the cd.

Nick just couldn't let him do that, he knew how proud Brian was of it, even going back to Kentucky to record a choir as the backup vocalists on the song. Instead of pulling the song, Nick and management struck a compromise. The song would go on the cd, but under no circumstances was Nick to do vocals for it. Instead, the producers had him recording I Need You Tonight as it was easily the most popular and requested of the solo songs that each Backstreet Boy had performed during the last tour. (author's note: Go get your copy of Millennium and you will see that Nick truly is nowhere to be found on the song The Perfect Fan) For the three days that the other four recorded the song, Nick couldn't even go inside the studio during playbacks, it just upset him too much.

The slap of paper against skin brought him back from his thoughts and he looked down into his hands seeing the envelope gripped in his hands. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm the icy fingers that seemed to be poking at his gut from the inside. He opened them again and slowly slid the folded paper from where it had lain untouched for months now.

It was time. There would never be a day he was truly ready to face this, but the sunlight on his arms and the gentle sounds of the ocean gave him the courage that he lacked. His hands shook slightly as he unfolded the paper and Jane Carter's handwriting attacked Nick with memories of childhood notes to the teacher excusing absence and of gift tags on birthday presents.

He smiled softly as he remembered her hands as she soothed away childhood scrapes and bruises and the way those hands would always make him feel better by just holding him close and rubbing over his back or smoothing his hair. He remembered the birthday parties where her writing was on the tags of the colorfully wrapped presents and where every cake, every year was made with lots of chocolate and lots of love.

He looked down at the paper in his hands and carefully folded it back up and put it back in the envelope, unread. With a breath slowly drawn in and let out, he got to his feet and walked back up the dock to the house, leaving the sunshine behind him. Someday, Nick thought, but not today.

There was silence. Stunned silence. All eyes were on him and he was at a loss for what to do. Then he remembered what was in his hands. He thrust his hand forward, bearing a sunflower.

Another hand came out to meet his and took the offering from it, hesitantly.

Before the hand could be withdrawn, he gripped it tightly in his own and pulled the owner of the arm closer to him. He wrapped his arms around what had always meant comfort to him and sighed.

There was a lot to be worked out, a lot of talking and listening to do, but right now something needed to be said above all else.

"Happy Mother's Day, Momma."

Jane Carter's eyes dripped tears onto the shoulder of Nick, the son she thought she had lost forever, as she held him so tight that her shoulders ached. One by one, every member of the Carter family joined the embrace, starting with Bob and ending with Angel.

Jane's hands rubbed over his back and smoothed down his golden hair in a gesture that comforted both of them and together they started again, a new beginning.

THE END