Prologue

It was a warm Boston day that had started like any other. The Backstreet Boys were in the middle of the second-leg of the United States Black and Blue tour. Brian Littrell had just dropped his pregnant wife, Hayden, off at the airport. She tired easily these days and had made the decision to stay with friends in Los Angeles until the tour was over and they could finally prepare for the arrival of their child.

Moments earlier, Brian had walked his wife through the crowded airport to United Airlines gate nine. Donned in a backwards University of Kentucky baseball cap and a pair of dark sunglasses, Brian led Hayden to a secluded corner of the holding area to wait for Hayden’s flight to be announced.

Brian turned to Hayden and smiled softly. “I really wish that you didn’t have to go.”

Hayden slipped her soft hand into Brian’s and leaned against his shoulder. “I wish that I didn’t have to go either, but the baby and I have had about as much of this crazy schedule that daddy keeps as we can take.” She laughed softly as Brian groaned playfully and kissed the top of her head.

“Yeah, yeah.” Brian paused thoughtfully for a minute, then continued. “You know, I’ve been thinking about something.”

“What’s that?” Hayden asked as she sighed sleepily and closed her eyes.

“I was thinking that maybe I would tell the guys that we should take a break. You know, finally take some real time off.”

Hayden sat up as quickly as her five-months pregnant body could handle.“You’re quitting?”

Brian laughed at the mortified expression on his wife’s face. They loved each other as much as two people possibly could, but he knew that the thought of having him at home all the time, bouncing off the walls and driving her crazy was an insane thought to Hayden.

“No, not quitting and you don’t have to look so disgusted by the thought of spending more time with me,” Brian chuckled. “No, I just meant taking a while off between records. A year or two, maybe. Just long enough for me to get some real time with my family to raise a baby in a normal, happy, healthy home.”

Hayden smiled softly and her eyes twinkled. “You’d really do that for us?”

“I’d do anything for you.”

“Believe it or not, having you home for an extended length of time actually sounds amazing.” Hayden grinned and leaned forward until her lips met with Brian’s. The softness of her mouth never ceased to send chills down his spine.

“Now boarding, Flight 445 to Los Angeles at United Airlines gate nine. That is flight 445 at United Airlines gate nine.”

Brian sighed, stood up and held his hands out to his wife to help her out of her seat.

“I guess that’s you.” Brian said while wrapping his arms around Hayden’s growing waist. Suddenly, an uneasy feeling came over him. “I really don’t want you to go. I know this is strange, but I just have this feeling—“

Hayden laughed and kissed him softly once again. “You’re just being overprotective again. We’ll be fine. I love you, B.”

“I love you.” They kissed once again and Brian walked her to the gate as far as security would allow. Something inside of him was screaming to keep her from boarding that plane, but he shook it off.

‘Hayden’s right. You’re just being overprotective.’ He thought to himself as he walked over to the large window, where he stayed until Hayden’s plane was in the sky.

Brian’s ride back to the hotel took longer than usual that day. Not only was the traffic close to unbearable, but Brian had some errands to run before boarding his bus for the next city. When he arrived back to the Crowne Plaza Hotel, he gave his keys to the valet and made his way through the crowded lobby. A group of people were staring at a news story. He glanced at the television quickly and noticed a tall building falling painfully to the ground below. He shook his head at the no-doubt violent crime and continued to make his way to the elevators and up to the top floor. To Brian’s surprise, Kevin was waiting in the hallway when he stepped off of the elevator.

“Hey, Buddy. Going down?” Brian smiled to his cousin. When he noticed tears pooling in the corners of Kevin’s eyes, panic began to set in. “Kev, what’s the matter? What happened?”

“Brian.” Kevin began, painfully slow. He put his hands on Brian’s shoulders and continued. “What was Hayden’s flight number this morning?”

“What? Why? What happened? What’s the matter?” Brian’s skin turned completely pale as he thought back to the vision from moments earlier of the skyscraper falling. “Kevin. What is it?”

“Brian, you need to remain calm. We have no idea if Hayden’s plane was involved, but something terrible happened this morning-“

Without letting Kevin finish, Brian took off running down the hall. Knowing Kevin’s tendency to leave his room unlocked, he headed to room number 3201 and burst through the door easily. He was quickly stopped in his tracks when he noticed all of his friends gathered in Kevin’s room around the television, tears falling down all of their faces.

When Nick noticed Brian enter the room, he quickly shut the television off. “Brian.” Nick gasped, jumping up off of his spot on the bed.

“Put it back on, Nick.”

“Buddy, I don’t know-“

“You can’t protect me from whatever is out there, Nick. Put it back on!” Brian barked loudly. Nick slowly obliged. Brian clenched his jaw and waited. Then, it happened. Brian watched as an airplane dove swiftly into the first of the twin towers. His body went numb. In the lobby he had only seen the tall building fall, he had been completely oblivious to the fact that it was an airplane that had caused the building to go down. When the second airplane came through and smashed into the second building, he was unable to hold his body up any longer.

‘It’s not her. It can’t be her. Hundreds of flights left from hundreds of airports this morning. She’s not there. She’s not on that plane.’ Brian thought to himself, slightly panicked.

As if on cue, his cell phone began to vibrate in pocket. Shakily, he reached into his pocket and grabbed the phone. Nick muted the television and they all waited.

“He-hello?” Brian answered nervously. He cleared his throat. “Hello, this is Brian Littrell.”

“Mr. Littrell. This is Grant Michaels from United Airlines.”

“Hayden.” Brian whispered, tears finally starting to flow down his cheeks.

“Mr. Littrell. I’m sorry to inform you that your wife’s plane was just confirmed as one of the four hijacked airplanes this morning. Two of the planes are still missing. However, it is confirmed that flight 445 to Los Angeles is the airplane that has crashed this morning in New York City-“

The words echoed in Brian’s mind. It has been confirmed. Flight 445. Crashed. It couldn’t be right. It was only that morning that he was holding his wife in his arms and they were talking about taking time off and raising a family.

The phone dropped from his hand and bounced on the floor. Once again, it was as if time had started to slow. ‘I knew.’ He thought to himself. ‘I knew. I knew that she shouldn’t have gotten on that plane. I should have stopped her.’

In the blink of an eye, Brian’s body turned from numb to an agonizing pain. He threw his phone into the wall and crumpled into a heap on the floor. “NO!” He wailed painfully. “No! No! No!”

An uncontrollable flow of tears streamed down his cheeks. He felt nauseous. Pangs of physical pain were darting all over his body. He had never felt anything like it.

The other Backstreet Boys stood by not knowing how to help their friend. When they attempted to pick him up off of the floor, he fought them wildly until finally, he picked himself up, wiped his eyes and walked away without looking back. In the blink of an eye, he had lost his world. His family was gone and he felt as if he should have lost his life that day, too.

In that moment, Brian made a decision. There was nothing left to sing for, there was nothing left to fight for, there was no reason for him go on with his life as he knew it. That day, Brian went numb.