The next morning, Brian awoke early. Truth be told, he had tossed and turned the entire night before. He had sat up listening to Alexa's muffled cries until she fell asleep. Brian was glad that she hadn't let herself cry over his reluctance to kiss her for too long. After a few minutes, she seemed to dry her tears and fall peacefully asleep. It's not that he hadn't wanted to kiss her. He had. In fact, he had wanted to kiss her so badly that it was as if he could still feel her lips only inches from his own.

When Brian could no longer force himself into a labored rest, he rolled over facing where Alexa was sleeping on the bed across from his own. He watched silently as her shoulder's rose and fell in rhythm with her breathing. The morning sun was peeking through the window causing her dark hair to glow angelically.

Tyke didn't allow Brian to observe Alexa from the comfort of his bed for long before the dog jumped up demanding to be taken outside. Brian sighed and petted Tyke aimlessly. “Happy Thanksgiving, Buddy.” Brian said to the chihuahua that was wiggling impatiently in his lap. “All right. Let's go outside.”

As he hooked Tyke's leash to his collar, Brian glanced back over at Alexa. He sighed again as he put his sneakers on and left the bedroom. Before leaving to take Tyke to the courtyard downstairs, Brian picked up the phone on the computer desk in the living area and ordered breakfast to be brought up by room service.

Brian hung up the phone and left the room quietly. He carried the dog against his chest until he was out of the hotel and then placed him down on the bouncy, green grass. Brian walked along with one hand in his pocket. He continuously looked up to the mirrored top floor windows of the hotel behind him. He wished that he could have been strong enough to let go of the guilt, strong enough to let go of the past, strong enough to take Alexa into his arms and hold her throughout the night.

Even though Brian had resigned himself to the fact that he was falling in love with Alexa, that didn't mean that he could fall blindly into her arms and not feel like he was betraying his wife. Hayden was gone and he knew that, but he could never let her go. He had always felt somehow responsible for Hayden being on that plane, even though he knew that if he was honest with himself he would realize that he didn't have anything to do with it. It was an unfortunate set of circumstances. She was on the wrong plane at the wrong time.

Even not wanting to be a Backstreet Boy anymore had little to do with the guilt that he felt about his wife's death. It had more to do with not wanting to sing songs that threw him into his semi-pleasant past. He also didn't want to join the group again, not because of the terrible things that had happened, but because he didn't want to enjoy something that had inadvertently caused Hayden's fate. It wasn't the Backstreet Boys, exactly, it was a series of things: Brian's schedule, Hayden being pregnant, Hayden just feeling out of place among the crowds and the fans and the hysteria. She never really belonged in that scene. If she would have asked, Brian would have given it all up in a second and when she died, that's what he did. He walked away. He gave it all up for his wife. Better late than never.

If he really believed all of those things, he didn't understand why he couldn't just move on. Hayden would want him to be happy, wouldn't she? Would he want her to move on if something had happened to him? Probably not, but he tended to be more selfish than Hayden ever was.

He had admitted that he didn't want to let go because he didn't want to forget, but Brian knew that he could never forget the love of his life. Maybe he wouldn't allow himself to move on because he didn't believe that anyone could have more than one soul mate? Maybe he'd already had his happy ending? If even that was the truth, then Brian should allow himself to be happy in other ways by enjoying his career, by enjoying his family and friends, by enjoying the simple joys that were present in life.

Brian sighed and peered back up to the those mirrored windows. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was wrong and that there really was something more for him out there after all. There was hope, and that hope had started with one dark-haired, blue-eyed, beauty.

-------

Soon after Brian left, an incessant pounding at the door stirred Alexa. She rolled over and wiped the sleep from her eyes and attempted to gain her bearings. When she looked over and noticed that Brian's bed was empty, she threw the covers off of herself and hurried to answer the door. Though she wasn't exactly excited about coming face-to-face with Brian, she assumed that she should at least let him in his own hotel room.

The knocking continued to grow increasingly louder. “I'm coming!” Alexa called as she slipped into one of the plush white robes that the hotel had provided. She slung the door opened quickly and began to chastise Brian for forgetting his key, but stopped when she realized that it wasn't Brian at all. It was breakfast. “Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize-”

The waitress shook his head with a smile. “I understand, Sweetie. I actually saw your boyfriend leave a few minutes ago. He's a cutie.”

“Oh. No,” Alexa shook her head. “He's not my-”

The waiter winked knowingly and waved her off. “They never are darlin'. I'll just put this on his tab.”

Alexa nodded as the waitress walked out of the room. She didn't know whether to be offended or amused. She sighed and shook it off as she took the metal covers off of the top of the plates. Brian had ordered a bit of everything: pancakes, waffles, bacon, fruit, milk and juices. Alexa pulled a chair up to the table that the waitress had rolled in and made herself a plate of food. She ate quickly, not wanting to be caught pigging out when Brian walked in. It was Thanksgiving and they had eaten together tons of times before, but after his complete rejection last night, she didn't want him to be surprised by seeing her sitting at the door when he walked in.

When she finished eating, she covered her plate with the provided cloth napkin and walked into the bedroom to change. She had brought a stylish, bone colored dress with tan polka dots and a light pink silk sash to wear for the special occasion. She had planned to curl her hair and leave it down. Since she hadn't blown her hair dry the night before, there was already some curl to it.

As she fixed her hair and applied her makeup, she consistently checked the clock. Brian had been gone for at least an hour. She couldn't say that it didn't hurt slightly that Brian was trying that hard to avoid her; although, she also couldn't say that she was surprised. At that moment, she decided to let go of it. It was only an almost-kiss. Brian had been lonely for many years. It wasn't surprising that he had almost given in to his urges with the first female that he had let into his life after over five years. She slipped on her high heels and sat down on the couch.

She was watching an old Will and Grace rerun when Brian and Tyke finally walked back in. Though the weather was fairly cool, Brian face glistened. Alexa swallowed the lump that was rising in her throat and attempted to smile.

“I'm sorry.” Brian began. He smiled weakly and then looked away quickly. She looked breathtakingly beautiful. It was hard for him not to stare. “I didn't mean to be gone for so long. Tyke needed to go out.”

Alexa nodded coldly. She didn't mean to be that way, but seeing him walk in, unable to look at her while he was looking amazing in a simple t-shirt and jeans rubbed her the wrong way. “It's okay.”

“Did you like your breakfast?” Brian nodded at the mostly full table of food.

“Yeah, thank you. It was great.” Alexa sighed and looked back over to the television with her arms crossed. “You'd better hurry up and eat. Your family is waiting for us at your house.”

“It's okay. I'm not very hungry.” He looked over at Alexa, desperately willing her to look back at him. “I'm just going to take a quick shower, then we can go.”

Alexa nodded, but continued to stare blankly at the television. It's not so much that she was hurt anymore. She kept her eyes averted because she didn't want to want him. Not to mention the fact that the room was almost unbearably awkward.

Brian stood planted in his spot in the living room. He couldn't help but to stare at Alexa. There was so much that he wanted to say. Eventually, he tore his eyes away and started to walk toward the bathroom.

As Brian's hand reached the doorknob, Alexa called his name. “Brian?”

He inhaled deeply and turned around. “What's up?”

“I'm sorry about... well, you know. Last night.” She knew that they needed to get that out into the opened, but she still couldn't force herself to look at him.

“No, I should be the one that's sorry.” He turned around and started to walk toward her, but she put up a hard to stop him.

“No, really.” Alexa smiled. Though she tried, the smile never really reached her eyes. “We don't ever have to talk about it again. It was a moment of weakness. Bad judgment on both of our parts. It's okay.”

Brian sighed. He knew that she didn't mean that, but it was probably for the better. “Yeah,” he whispered softly. “You're probably right.”

He turned back around and headed back to the waiting shower. It was a disaster averted. Things were better this way. Now maybe they could go back to the way that they were, they way that they were good together-- as friends.

------

By the time that they arrived to the Littrell home about an hour later, the driveway was lined with cars. The drive over had been tense, but slowly both Brian and Alexa were beginning to relax.

“What's going on here?” Alexa asked, turning to Brian. “I thought that it was only going to be your family.”

Brian glanced over at her and smiled. “That's what you get for thinking. This is my family.”

Oh no, Alexa thought. Oh no, this is bad.

Brian watched as the color drained from Alexa's face. Without thinking, he reached over and placed a hand on her thigh. “Hey, it's okay. My family's great. My parents loved you, everyone else will, too.”

Alexa looked down at Brian's hand on her thigh. Goosebumps ran down her arms. If only that was what I was worried about. “So, um, everyone in your family is going to be here?”

Brian laughed and nodded his head. “I get it. This is about Kevin.”

Alexa started to shake her head, but Brian continued. “Kevin spends Thanksgiving with his wife's family. There's no need to clam up over the sexy Backstreet Boy.”

Alexa laughed, relieved and rolled her eyes. “It wasn't Kevin. You just have a huge family. It's a little daunting. Besides, it looks like we're late.” Alexa cleared her throat painfully aware of Brian's hand still resting lightly on her thigh. He glanced at his hand and then back into his eyes.

Brian removed his hand quickly and blushed. He grinned at Alexa. “Well, then, I guess that we'd better get ourselves inside. Hang out for a second, I'll grab your door.”

Alexa watched as Brian made his way around the front of the car and opened the door for her. Together they walked up the porch stairs and into the bustling house. Brian said hello and introduced Alexa to various aunts, uncles and cousins as the pair made their way to the kitchen. Just as she had been the day before, Jackie was standing at the stove, except this time, she was checking on the golden turkey that was roasting in the oven.

As Jackie closed the stove, she turned around and noticed Brian and Alexa entering the kitchen. “You're finally here!” She exclaimed over the rumbling laughter and voices reverberating through the house. She walked over and hugged them both. “We were starting to get worried about you.”

“That's all his fault.” Alexa said, shooting an accusatory finger at Brian. “I've been ready for hours.”

Brian smirked. “Talk about selling somebody out.”

Jackie smiled at their interaction. She loved this new woman that Brian so obviously had affections for. Whether Brian realized it or not, Jackie had a mother's intuition that this was right. “Well, you both look amazing, so I guess the extra time was worth it.”

Alexa looked over at Brian. He was wearing a pair of khaki slacks and a brown v-neck sweater with a white shirt and pink tie underneath. “We match.” She whispered to Brian.

Brian looked over and laughed softly. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. “Did you do that on purpose?”

“How could I possibly have done that one purpose?”

Alexa shrugged. “You got dressed after I did.”

Brian just shook his head, smiling softly.

Jackie looked on, her smile never fading. “Lunch won't be ready for another hour or so. Brian, did you introduce Alexa to everyone?”

Brian scanned the crowd half-heartedly. “Mostly, but I haven't seen Harry and Leslie.”

“They're outside on the patio.” Jackie guided and nodded toward the back door casually. “You two go on out. I promised Aunt Sarah that I'd bring her some iced tea.”

“Do you need some help with anything, Jackie? You look like you have your hands full.” Alexa asked conscientiously.

Jackie shook her head violently and waved her off. “No, no. Have fun. Everything is taken care of in here.”

Brian kissed his mom on the cheek as she walked out of the kitchen with a glass of iced tea for his older aunt and then led Alexa out to the back patio to meet his brother and his brother's wife.

“What's up, big head?” Brian greeted playfully as he and Alexa walked outside.

Harry look up from where he was seated on an old-fashioned wooden garden bench and smiled. “Hey there, Gonzo nose.” He stood up and greeted his brother with a hug. Harry's wife, Leslie, stood and hugged Brian after her husband. “So, who's this? Mom did say that you were bringing a date.”

Alexa cleared her throat and stuck out her hand. “I'm definitely not his date. I'm Alexa.” Another Littrell family member ignored her extended hand and pulled her in for a hug.

“It's really good to meet you Alexa. My mom hasn't been able to shut-up about you all morning. This is my wife, Leslie.” Harry smiled as he let go.

Alexa opened her arms tentatively for another hug. Leslie laughed and shook her hand. “I know what it's like to be the new kid around here. I'm perfectly okay with shaking your hand.”

Alexa laughed softly. “Good, my arms are started to get a little tired.”

Both women laughed and sat down. They talked easily and got to know each other quickly. Brian and Harry, on the other hand, stood teasing each other mercilessly as brothers tend to do. It was good for Harry to see such a lightness about his brother. It definitely made it easier to drop a bombshell on him later.

“So, big brother, what's been up?” Brian smiled and sat down on the seat next to Alexa.

Harry glanced at his wife. “Um, nothing. Not really. What about you? New Backstreet Boys album?”

Brian cleared his throat and looked away. “Nope. Not for me anyway.”

“What? Why not?” Harry looked over at Brian with a shocked expression on his face.

Brian was beginning to tense up. He didn't want to talk about the Backstreet Boys. He didn't want to talk about any kind of life he had in the past. He shrugged. “I'm just not into it anymore, I guess.”

Harry sighed. He knew when to give his brother some space. “I think that's crap, but okay.” Harry shook his head and began to fume. No, he decided, Brian's not getting off that easily this time. “You know what, Dude? I would kill to have what you have and it was all practically just handed to you. Kevin put this opportunity in your lap and now you're just going to throw it all away. It makes me sick.”

Brian's face flushed angrily. “Listen to me, jackass,” He stood and pointed his finger in Harry's face. “Nothing was ever just been handed to me. I worked my ass off for everything that I have. Now, maybe if you'd done the same with all of the opportunities that I handed to YOU, you wouldn't have anything to cry about.”

Harry stood undeterred by Brian's reaction. “I'm anything but jealous of you, Brian, and you can believe that, but if you appreciated one iota of what you had, maybe you wouldn't still be crying like a little bitch over what you don't.”

“Harry!” Leslie interjected. “That's enough. Sit down.”

Alexa, following Leslie's cue, tugged on Brian's hand. “Come on, Brian. Just stop.”

Brian and Harry stayed standing, staring each other down. Thankfully, right then, Jackie peeked her head outside to call them in for dinner. “Is everything okay out here?”

Harry tore his eyes away from Brian first. “Yeah, Mom. It's great.”

“Good, then come on inside. It's time to carve the turkey and say grace.”Jackie replied and waved them all inside.

Harry helped his wife up out of her chair and they walked into the house ahead of Brian and Alexa. Alexa hung back and grabbed Brian's arm gently. “Hey.”

Brian turned around and raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Alexa asked worriedly. Granted, Brian and Harry were brothers and probably had confrontations like that their whole lives, but Alexa had never seen him get in someone's face like that before.

“I'm fine.” Brian attempted to smile and turned to walk into the house.

“Brian-” Alexa called, seeing through him.

“Alexa,” Brian cut her off. “I'm fine. Let's go inside.”

Alexa sighed, wishing that they could get back to the mood that he was in just a few minutes before. By the time that they made it to the dining room, Brian's father was just starting to say grace. Brian pulled out the chairs that Jackie and Harold had saved for he and Alexa at the head of the table. Alexa thanked him and bowed her head to pray with the family.

Throughout the meal, Brian started to lighten up. Though he and Harry had very little interaction, he spoke with his aunts and uncles cheerfully. When he finished his second plate full of food, he sat back in his chair and watched Alexa. She was down at the end of the the table playing with his young cousins. They giggled as she told silly jokes and made funny faces. Brian knew that he had worried her before by his reaction to Harry's accusations. Harry was his brother. He was one of the few people in the world that really knew how to push Brian's buttons. Oh, and he does it so well, Brian thought to himself.

Alexa glanced over and noticed Brian staring in her direction. She smiled softly at him, glad that he was finally loosening back up. She stood from her place at the kid's side of the table and made her way back to her own seat just in time for Harry to make an announcement.

Harry cleared his throat and stood up. “Excuse me, everyone. I just have some news to share with you all while we're all gathered here.” Harry glanced at Brian who narrowed his eyes in confusion. “I hope that ALL of you will be happy to share in our excitement.” He grabbed his wife's hand gently. “Leslie and I would like you to know that we are expecting our first child in early May.”

Jackie jumped up excitedly. “Oh, congratulations!” Both she and Harold kissed Leslie and Harry and enveloped them in a tight hug. Tears of joy were running down Jackie's face. The other family members at the table, shared in her sentiment.

Brian, however, was thrown back in his chair, stunned. “B-but, you said that you didn't even want kids.”

Harry's jaw tensed as he looked over at his brother. “Yeah, Brian, well things change. We're both excited and would really like it if you could put yourself aside for just one second and be excited with us.”

Brian shot a stony glare at his brother and then just shook his head. “Excuse me.” He finally replied and threw his napkin down onto his plate.

Jackie turned to follow Brian out of the dining area, but Alexa stopped her. “It's okay. You stay. This is exciting news for you. I'll go after him.”

Alexa followed Brian out of the dining room, through the kitchen and to the back patio, where he stood in the chilly November air with his hands jammed into his pockets. “Brian-”

“Go back inside, Alexa.” Brian replied without even a glance in her direction.

Alexa stood planted firmly in place. “Brian, Harry didn't mean to hurt you. He's starting a family and he's excited and-”

“He didn't even ever want a family!” Brian exclaimed, finally turning around. “You know, he accuses me of having everything that he wants and throwing it away. Well, what about me? He has everything that I want. All of the things that he never cared about until I lost them!”

“That's a little bit selfish don't you think? People's priorities change.” Alexa inched closer, but Brian stepped back.

“Seriously, Alexa,” Brian replied, glaring at her. “Just go back inside. You're not helping. You can't give me what I want.”

Alexa stepped back as if she'd been slapped. She just shook her head and turned back toward the door. “You know what, Brian? You're never going to have any chance at being happy until you start letting people in. Sit out here and feel sorry for yourself if you want, but your brother deserves the same support that he's given to you over the years.”

Brian sighed and watched as Alexa walked away from him. He knew that he had hurt her but he hadn't meant to. Okay, he could admit it. He was jealous. Brian wanted that baby so badly, but Alexa was right. He was never going to be able to have that until he started to let people in. Now too embarrassed to go back inside and face his family, he sat down on the peaceful patio staring out into the horizon, watching the sun slowly set behind the tall pine trees in the distance.

-----

Hours later, all of Brian's relatives had finally left. The house was quiet again. Alexa stood at the sink washing the dishes as Jackie put away the leftover food. Alexa kept glancing out the window to the back patio area. She could see Brian still sitting outside alone. The sun had set hours before, but he had never come back in.

Jackie glanced over at Alexa and watched her painfully watch Brian. She cut a piece of pumpkin pie and handed it to Alexa.

Alexa looked up confused. “What's this for?”

“Why don't you bring that outside to Brian?” Jackie gestured toward where Brian was sitting on the patio. “He hasn't had desert and he's probably pretty lonely out there.”

Alexa smiled, grateful for Jackie's push. She took the pie and walked out into the backyard. Brian looked up as the door opened. In the light that peeked out when she opened the door, Alexa could see that Brian's eyes were red from crying. “Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey,” Brian replied, quickly wiping his eyes.

“Here,” she handed him the pie. “Your mom sent out some desert.”

Brian nodded. “Thanks.”

Alexa sighed. “Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to make things harder for you.”

Brian scooted over, making room for her on the wooden swing that he was rocking back and forth gently with his feet. “No, I should be the one to apologize. About today and about last night. I shouldn't have lashed out on you earlier and as far as last night goes-”

Alexa shook her head and looked away. “I already said it's okay. We weren't going to talk about it again, remember?”

Brian put his hand on Alexa's cheek and turned her head gently so that she was facing him. “I need to say this before I chicken out, okay?”

Alexa nodded. Her breathing had become nervously staggered.

“I haven't been able to stop thinking about your lips all day long. Without meaning to, without realizing what was happening, I started to develop these intense feelings for you.” Brian glanced down and then looked back up quickly. “I've been sitting out here all day. Honestly, it's probably the longest that we've been apart, aside from sleeping, in months. I've had a lot of time to think and I quickly realized that it wasn't Harry and my argument that I was thinking about-- it was you. I haven't been able to get you off of my mind since I met you. I tried to fight it. I tried to push you away, but there's no denying it. You've made me feel alive again.”

Alexa felt the butterflies swarming in her stomach. Brian's hand was still gently on her face. She bit her bottom lip nervously.

Brian smiled softly. Nothing had felt this right in so long. “So, what I'm trying to say, I guess, is that I'd really like to try that again if you'll have me.”

Alexa smiled and nodded. Slowly, they inched toward each other, but then Alexa pulled back quickly. “You're not going to leave me hanging this time, right?”

Brian laughed. “Shut up and come here.” He put his hand on the back of her head intertwining his fingers in her hair and pulled her close. A warm flow of peace and contentment, ecstasy and arousal ran through him. Her lips were soft and warm and perfect. Her tongue was gentle and sweet. He pulled away slowly, out of breath and then leaned in again just as quickly.

Alexa pulled away and leaned her forehead against his, smiling. “Wow.”

Brian nodded. “Wow.” He leaned in and kissed her again softly. He sighed. “Do you want to get out of here?”

Alexa laced her fingers with his and nodded. “I do.”

Brian stood, pulling her up with him. They said goodbye to his parents and left quickly.

Back inside the house, Jackie Littrell smiled to herself. Having seen the entire display, she was elated. When you know, you know. She thought to herself before flicking off the light in the kitchen and heading toward the living room to find her husband.