Chapter 14

It was close to midnight, but Alexa couldn't sleep. She stayed lying in bed, staring at the ceiling miserably. Days had passed since they had arrived home from Kentucky and it had been just as many days since Alexa had seen or heard from Brian. Everything was going so well. He had wanted her while they were away. What had happened since?

The day after they had arrived back to Atlanta, Brian had disappeared. His car wasn't in the driveway. Across the street, his house had remained dark. Alexa worried that there had been some type of emergency. She had tried calling Brian's cell phone numerous times, but he never picked up and he never called her back. She contemplated calling his family to make sure that they were all okay, but then realized that was probably crazy.

Maybe he just used me, Alexa thought to herself miserably. The moment that he got away from his home and didn't have to think about his wife, it was easier for him to jump into bed with someone close to him.

Alexa sighed deeply thinking that she probably deserved it. For the first time in the days that had passed, she allowed a stream of silent tears to roll down her cheeks. She missed him and wished that she never would have let anything happen between them. If it hadn't, then maybe she'd be across the street spending time with her friend.

Was it fair to even call him her friend? If he really had used her, then that was no friend at all. Alexa wiped the tears from her face and rolled over onto her stomach. Maybe it was all over? Maybe she should just go back home and leave she and Brian's story where it stood.

Suddenly, her cell phone rang on the bedside table next to her. She jumped up and grabbed the phone, wishing desperately that it was Brian and that she had been overreacting. Instead, it was only Ben. She had been avoiding his phone calls for three months now. She assumed it was time to bite the bullet and talk to her boss.

“What are you doing calling me this late?” She answered grouchily. At that moment she didn't care that he was her boss at all.

“You haven't been answering my calls at any other hour of the day.” Ben replied. “I figured that I'd see how the middle of the night worked for you instead.”

“Well, here I am. What do you want?” Alexa rolled her eyes. She slammed herself back onto the bed, held the phone between her shoulder and ear and crossed her arms.

“What do you mean what do I want?” Ben scoffed, annoyed. “You're not in Georgia on vacation as you'd like people to believe. You're working.”

“What do you mean as I'd like people to believe?” She replied. “Have you been spying on me?”

“Of course I have!” Ben yelled. “You're not answering the phone. You're in Atlanta working. I'm paying all of your bills over here. I need to know how the operation is going.”

Alexa sighed and rolled her eyes again. “It's betrayal, Ben, not Operation Iraqi Freedom.”

In his apartment in New York, Ben smirked and flipped through a pile of photographs. He had been having Brian and Alexa followed for weeks. The pictures ranged from the dog park on the first day that Brian and Alexa had gotten to know each other, to arriving home from Kentucky at the beginning of the week. “Well, I see that you and Brian have been getting awfully chummy with each other, hmm? That's going above and beyond expectations there, Aly.”

Alexa narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean that you see?”

“If I'm going to hire a private investigator, I'm going to do it right.” Ben replied, glad that he was making her uncomfortable.

Alexa shook her head. “You're sick.”

“Maybe, I am.” Ben shrugged and threw the photos down on the desk in front of him. “So, are you going to tell me in your own words how things are going? Is he coming back to us or what?”

“I don't know. I haven't been trying to get him to 'come back to you' in all honesty.” Alexa replied, annoyed. “Look, this is all over. I don't want to be associated with this project anymore.”

“It's a little bit late for that isn't it?” Ben yelled back angrily. “Do you honestly think that Brian is still going to want to be with you after I tell him everything that you've done?”

Alexa squeezed her eyes shut willing herself not to throw the phone across the room. “It doesn't matter because Brian doesn't want to be with me anyway. Tell him whatever you want. I'm done. I'm done with Atlanta. I'm done with Jive. I'm done with you, Ben.”

“You're quitting?” Ben asked, astonished.

“What part of 'I'm done' do you not understand? I shouldn't have ever come out here in the first place.”Alexa sat stiffly, willing herself not to start crying again.

“Alexa, you have a responsibility to Jive. I've already paid you thousands of dollars to uphold your end of this assignment. If you quit now, I'll ruin you.” Ben replied through gritted teeth.

Alexa scoffed. “What could you possibly do to me, Ben? I'm broke. I have no family and very few friends. Besides, I did uphold my end of the assignment. The assignment was to befriend Brian and talk to him about the Backstreet Boys. We've talked about the Backstreet Boys plenty. The general consensus is that he's done with it.”

Ben breathed heavily on the other end of the line. “This isn't over, Alexa.”

“We'll see.” She hung up and threw the phone down onto the bed next to her.

For the second time that night, she let the tears roll down her face. How did I get here, she thought to herself sadly. How is this my life?

She climbed out of bed and walked over to the bay window that faced Brian's house. She sat on the ledge and gazed longingly at the sleepy house across the street. She wished that he would let her in. She'd tried knocking on the door. She'd tried calling. She had a key, but couldn't bring herself to barge into his house when he so obviously wanted nothing to do with her. It was all over now. She'd quit Jive. Her time with Brian was officially over. It was time to go home.

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Across the street, Brian, too, was standing at his bedroom window staring at the dark house across from his own. His hair was disheveled and there were dark bags underneath his eyes from the lack of sleep that he had subjected his body to since arriving back from Kentucky.

The same night that he had terrorized his own home with a golf club, he walked back across the street, climbed into his car and began to drive. He didn't stop until he arrived in Live Oak, Florida, over four hours away.

Live Oak is a sleepy little town in north Florida where Interstates 75 and 10 meet. He found a Holiday Inn off of the highway and settled in. He wanted to be away from Alexa, away from his parents, away from Hayden. He retreated inside of himself, lost in his thoughts, caught up in his own guilt. After a few days of being holed up in a dirty hotel room, he decided that he couldn't run anymore and drove back to Atlanta. By this time, he was sure that Alexa was either angry that he'd left so abruptly and hadn't answered any of her phone calls, or she was worried to death and had the police out looking for him. As it turned out, it had been a mixture of both.

She'd come to the door, but he hadn't answered. He knew that she had a key and had been waiting for her to use it, but she hadn't taken that extra step. Alexa was a smart woman. She knew when someone was simply avoiding her. So, instead, she continued to call. Her voicemail messages ranged from being worried about him and wondering where he was to that sheer annoyance.

“I wish that you'd answer the door so that I can first come in and kick your ass and then remind you of how you answer that cell phone of yours.” Her last message from the morning before rang in his memory. It seemed like she'd given up. He hadn't heard from her all day and though it killed him to admit it, the fact that she'd given up so easily was heartbreaking.

He hadn't been able to sleep the entire week. Mostly, he laid in bed awake switching between wishing that Alexa was with him and hating himself for wishing that Alexa was with him. When he did allow himself to drift off, the nightmares started flooding back. Not only of Hayden screaming of his betrayal, but also of Alexa, mostly of losing Alexa. On his first night in Live Oak, Brian dreamed of that day in the airport. This time, both Hayden and Alexa were there, though Alexa was in the background hugging a friend goodbye before boarding the plane. Brian watched as Alexa stood back, allowing Hayden to board the plane first. She then turned around and saw Brian watching. She flashed him her beautiful smile and winked before following Hayden down the jet bridge. Brian tried to scream in protest, but no sound came out. He watched both of the women that he loved board the doomed aircraft.

Brian blinked back tears at the memory. It took a nightmare for him to realize that he was in love with Alexa. Sure, he knew that he was falling in love with her, but to see the reality of his feelings play out in his dreams was heartwrenching. That's a large reason why he had to stay away. He couldn't go through with the pain of love and loss again. Relationships are doomed to fail. Nothing lasts forever. Someone always either falls out of love or dies. A couple can never simply be happy.

Then, of course, there was his wife. He knew that he had promised 'til death do them part-- and it had; she had died and he was here. He vowed to cherish her forever and be loyal to her until one of them passed away. Well, Hayden was dead. Brian sauntered away from the window and back over to his bed. He laid down and stared up at the ceiling blankly. Why couldn't he get around the fact that she wasn't coming back and that he HAD, in fact, upheld his vows? He wasn't betraying her by moving on and trying to be happy. Was he?

A while later, his heavy eyelids closed, finally allowing sleep to pass over his body. That night, the nightmares were held at bay. Because he hadn't allowed himself to sleep for days, his body finally took over, forcing him into a hard slumber.

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Brian didn't open his eyes again until he heard his phone ringing beside him sometime after noon the next day. He grabbed the phone and hoped that it was Alexa. Even though he knew that he wouldn't answer, it would be good to know that she hadn't given up on him so quickly.

When he looked at the caller ID he realized that it was only AJ. Out of all of his former bandmates, AJ was the one that he kept in closest contact with. They talked on the phone once every week or so.

“Hello?” Brian answered groggily.

“Hey Man, what's up?” AJ replied cheerfully.

“Not that much. I just got back from Kentucky. Did you have a good Thanksgiving?” Brian asked, happy to be able to think about something besides his love life for a little while.

“It was pretty good. I went to my mom's house. How about you?” AJ asked with a hint of a smile in his voice.

“It was okay. Same old thing, different year.” Brian sat up in bed and leaned back against the headboard.

“That's not exactly what I heard, but okay. We'll go with that.” AJ laughed softly.

Brian stared at the phone wondering what AJ was talking about. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing.” AJ replied coyly. “I just heard that you brought a hottie home with you.”

Brian groaned. Here we go, he thought to himself. “How did you even know that?”

“I talked to your mom. What's the problem?” AJ asked, taken aback for a moment. According to Jackie, Brian was supposedly in a much better mood these days.

“Why did you talk to my mom?” Brian asked, starting to get a chip on his shoulder.

“Whoa, Man,” AJ retorted with a sigh. “Your mom called me to check in. Apparently, she's been listening to Internet rumors again. She happened to mention that you brought a girl home with you. That's it.”

Brian wanted to hang up. This was supposed to be a casual conversation. AJ wasn't supposed to know about Alexa. “I did, but it doesn't matter. She's a friend. She was a friend.”

“What happened?” AJ asked sadly. He was really hopeful that Brian had finally started to move on and be happy again.

Brian sighed and shook his head. “Nothing happened. I screwed everything up, that’s all.”

“How did you do that?” AJ prodded, hoping that Brian wouldn’t freak out on him for getting into his business.

“I don’t know.” Brian replied curtly. “I just did.”

“Brian,” AJ replied shortly, “from what I can assume, you started to move on and then you panicked, am I right?”

“Kind of,” Brian groaned. “No, that’s exactly what happened.”

“I figured,” AJ replied slowly. “So, let’s fix it. Start from the beginning.”

Brian hadn’t told anyone about his feelings for Alexa, except for Alexa and he kind of wanted to keep it this way. After a moment’s hesitation, Brian gave in. “Well, basically, there’s this girl and she’s amazing.”

AJ smiled. He was so glad that Brian had been able to say the words. “Go on,” AJ replied, not wanting to interrupt and cause Brian to shut down.

“Her name is Alexa. She lives across the street from me. From the moment that I met her, no matter how hard that I tried, I couldn’t just pretend like she didn’t exist.” Brian closed his eyes tightly, willing the image of her beautiful smile out of his mind. “So, anyway, we became friends and she came home with me for Thanksgiving, otherwise she was going to be alone. One thing lead to another and by the end of the week we were in bed together. And then we were in bed together again. Oh, and again.”

“I get it, Brian,” AJ chuckled. “And then you got home, I assume?”

“And then I got home. All I had to do was see Hayden’s name written on a sales flyer, and then I saw her picture and all of our things.” Brian sighed again. “It just did something to me, so I ran away and I haven’t spoken to Alexa since. I figure that if I ignore my feelings for her that they’ll go away.”

“You know how crazy that sounds right?” AJ asked his conflicted friend.

“Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.” Brian ran a hand through his hair and flopped back down on the bed.

“I’ll tell you what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to march your ass across the street, beg for forgiveness and win her back.” AJ replied trying to force some sense into his friend’s head. “Brian, you miss Hayden every day, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Brian replied sadly.

“Well that’s never going to go away. Ever. You’re going to miss Hayden forever, but why feel that way about Alexa, too? Hayden’s gone. There’s nothing more that you can do for Hayden right now, but you can be happy with Alexa.” AJ paused, allowing his words to sink, then he continued. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Do I really deserve to be happy with someone else though, AJ?” Brian clenched his jaw to hold back his tears. “I mean, I had that. Maybe I’d only be holding Alexa back from her happy ending.”

In his living from across the country, AJ shook his head. He knew that Brian really believed that, which only broke his heart. “Brian, you gave Hayden you’re entire heart. No one is going to judge you for making someone else as happy as you made your wife. It’s time to let go, Buddy.”

Brian knew that while AJ’s words sounded good, it didn’t mean that the follow through was that easy. “I don’t know, AJ. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”

“I think that’s obviously been proven wrong.” AJ sighed. “It could be Hayden that dropped Alexa at your feet. You never know.”

“Yeah, or it could be Lucifer himself.” Brian was starting to get a headache. He just wanted to change the subject. “How’s the new album coming?”

AJ laughed, knowing what Brian was trying to do. He decided to let it go for now. At least Brian had been somewhat receptive.”It’s going pretty well. I actually need to get going. I have to get to the studio.”

Brian sighed with relief. “Okay, well good luck.”

“I’m not trying to push you, but you know that the door is always completely open.” AJ said. In all honesty, he missed his old friend.

“I know and thanks, but,” Brian paused. “Just one step at a time, okay?”

“You got it, Buddy.” AJ replied. Brian’s response was better than a down-and-out ‘no’. “All right, I’m going to let you go. Don’t make a huge mistake though, Brian. Go to Alexa. Make things right. Be happy.”

“We’ll see,” Brian replied before the men said their goodbyes and hung up. Brian placed the phone down next to him. He then climbed off of the bed and walked over to the window. For the first time in over a week, he saw Alexa. She was just coming back from the grocery store dressed casually in a pair blue jeans, a t-shirt and an oversized pair of sunglasses. She pushed the sunglasses up over her eyes, using them as a hair band. Even from as far away as he was standing, he could see that her facial features were puffy from crying. He had really hurt her and it broke his heart to see. He touched the glass wanting to reach out to her. He contemplated throwing everything to the wind and running after her, but then she disappeared into the house, Brian stepped away from the window and they were right back to where they had started.