Chapter 23

It had been an exhausting week for Brian. Just seven days earlier, he had been happy and in love and signing a contract that should have meant that he was about to be given his life back-- the life that he had before his wife died, the life that he had before he really knew how cold and devastating that the world could be. Now, he was on his way to a meeting with his lawyer and the Executive Chairman of the Board of Directors of Jive Records, Martin Stevens, to try to work out some kind of deal. He was running late, but at that moment, he couldn’t have cared less. There was little that Martin could say that would talk Brian out of suing Jive to get out of his contract. His fellow Backstreet Boys were behind him 100 percent; If Brian walked, they all walked.

Brian’s lawyer, Cooper Michaels, was waiting for him in the lobby of the bustling New York City law firm of Lewis, Greene and Michaels. Brian couldn’t help but to smirk to himself when he saw the frustrated look that played on Cooper’s face as he paced the marble floor and stared at his watch impatiently. Cooper glanced at the door and stopped pacing when he saw Brian standing in the doorway.

Brian walked the rest of the short distance to his perturbed lawyer and smiled. “What’s up, Coop?”

“Brian,” Cooper started before glancing back down at his watch, “you are half an hour late. Mr. Stevens doesn’t have all day to sit around waiting for you. This is a very serious case. If we can’t work something out upstairs, then we’re going to have to go to court. It hardly looks like you’re taking this seriously when you don’t care enough to show up on time.”

Brian shrugged. “It honestly doesn’t matter to me what he thinks. The man that he put in charge on a multi-billion dollar enterprise is the one that screwed up.”

Cooper sighed and shook his head. “I know that you’re agitated, but Brian, Mr. Stevens is a business man. He’s looking at the bottom line when it comes to that contract that you signed. He doesn’t care if your feelings were hurt.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “We’re not talking about my feelings being hurt. We’re talking about fraud. We’re talking about harassment and stalking.”

“While you’re completely right, Brian, we’ve already talked about this. We can press charges against Ben Silverman if you want, but we’ll have to press charges against Alexa Owens, as well. She was a pawn in his scheme, which I’ll be honest with you, I don’t completely understand.”

“You’re not the only one.” Brian mumbled. At the very mention of Alexa’s name, Brian’s muscles tensed. He hated that she had such an emotional impact on him. If Brian had it his way, he would completely forget that she existed. “I’ve already said that I want to keep Alexa out of this.”

“You’ve said that over and over. I understand.” Cooper replied. “I’ve had my secretary tell Mr. Stevens and his lawyers that we’re in an important meeting, but let’s not keep them waiting any longer, hmm?”

Brian shrugged, “Okay, whatever.”

Brian followed Cooper through the lobby to a set of brass plated elevators. They took the elevators up to the thirteenth floor, walked past the reception desk and into a conference room where the aging executive was waiting.

“It’s about time!” Martin Stevens exclaimed when Brian and Cooper walked into the room. “What’s this about, Mr. Littrell? You set this appointment for 9 a.m. to discuss the conditions of your contract? Well, let’s discuss the conditions. You signed a three album deal. When we have our three albums, you and your boys can go where ever else that they’ll take you.”

Brian clenched his jaw and fumed inwardly. He opened his mouth to speak, but Cooper beat him to the punch.

“Mr. Stevens, it’s obvious that you have no idea what we're doing here. My question is whether or not you know what kind of operation that you’re running over at Jive?” Cooper placed his black leather briefcase on top of the glossy table and instructed Brian to sit down.

Brian complied and stared across the table at Martin, who he thought that he knew well. Martin had invited the group into his home years earlier when they were just starting out. He had come to Brian’s wedding. Now Brian was reduced to being the inconvenient “Mr. Littrell”.

“Of course I know what kind of operation that I’m running.” Martin replied, much to the dismay of his lawyers, who were trying to get a word in edgewise. “What I’d like to know is what exactly I’m doing here. Jive has been nothing but good to those boys.”

Cooper scoffed condescendingly. “I wouldn’t necessarily put it that way, especially considering that your top executive hired a young woman to seduce Brian and bring him back to the company.”

Martin laughed. “Though I don’t condone Ben’s actions, if Brian fell for something like that, then it kind of seems like a personal issue.”

Cooper shrugged. “Maybe it would be if it weren’t for the fact that during this time, he was paying her company money. If charged, that would make the company guilty of running a pandering organization and harassment, not to mention the fact that Ben Silverman was having Brian and Ms. Owens followed. Now, while Ms. Owens claims that she quit long ago, there is still the fact that she was paid by Jive at the beginning of the assignment.”

Martin clenched his jaw and turned his attention to Brian. “Not that I think that you have much of a case, Mr. Littrell, but I’m not looking forward to the negative media attention that could spawn because of these allegations. What do you want?”

Brian sighed and stared coldly into Martin’s eyes. “I just want out.”

“You leaving would cause just as much media attention. The only reason I’m giving this case any attention rather than leaving you with whatever allegations that you have is because I know Ms. Owens. I know that she was Ben’s assistant for many years and that she quit recently. So, at least that part of your story is accurate.” Martin replied coolly. “What can I do that would make you stay?”

“What do you need us for?” Brian exclaimed. “What have the Backstreet Boys done for you in the last five years? I don’t understand why you can’t just let us go!”

Martin laughed at Brian’s outburst. “Brian, you staying with the company will be beneficial to the both of us. Until you prove that you can still sell records, I don’t know of any company that will pick you up. Your friends have been working hard. We’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on promotion and recording for the new album. I’m not saying that I completely believe your story. For all I know, you dated Ben’s assistant, things ended badly and now you want to take it out on Jive. But let’s say that this is completely truthful, what would make you stay?”

Brian clenched his jaw and sat back in his leather chair. Martin was right. A lot of time and money had already gone into recording the album and there was no guarantee that they would be picked up by another record company. In fact, the Boys management was sending out feelers and had gotten little response. After all of the support that he’d gotten from his friends, how could he hurt them that way? Maybe he should just leave, though he didn’t know how much that would help. They seem to have an ‘all or nothing’ mentality these days.

Brian sighed, hating that he was about to give in. “Get rid of Silverman and anyone else that had anything to do with his scheme and we’ll stay.”

Martin followed Brian’s lead and sat back in his chair. He wasn’t sure about Brian’s conditions. Hell, he wasn’t completely convinced of Brian’s story. Ben seemed to be good at what he did, but then, there were rumors that the new talent that he had found and signed to Jive hadn’t been his work or instincts at all. Martin smiled and stood up. “I’m going to investigate your claims further, Mr. Littrell. If they prove to be accurate, then I’ll be in touch.”

Brian watched as Martin and his lawyers walked out of the room. Somehow, he felt like a pawn in another corporate game, but maybe it was better to stay with Jive and make sure that Ben wasn’t able to play these games with anyone else. When the door to the conference room shut and Brian and Cooper were alone, Brian turned to his lawyer. “Now what?”

Cooper shrugged. “Now, we wait.”

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Alexa opened her eyes slowly, then shut them quickly. The light peeking in from the opened curtains was blinding. She rolled over and reached out for Brian, but she was met by nothing but emptiness. She opened her eyes again and sighed, knowing that it was time to wake up to another day of complete and total misery. Every morning, it was as if it was the first day that she and Brian had broken up. She relived the pain every time that she woke up and he wasn’t there.

She rolled back over and looked up at the red numbers on the digital clock that sat on the bedside table. It was almost noon. She had slept the entire morning away, though she didn’t feel guilty. The only time that she felt good was when she was asleep. Even when she dreamed of Brian, the dreams were happy. That was what made waking up so much harder.

Alexa sat up and stretched. She then climbed out of bed and walked over to the bay window of her second story room. She sat down on the pink cushioned window seat and hugged her knees to her chest as she watched the scene play out below.

Her brother-in-law, Lance, had apparently had the morning off of his state representative duties. He was just now leaving for work and he had Wesley buckled into his car seat ready to be dropped off at his afternoon playgroup. Her very pregnant sister was standing on the sidewalk with her hands placed on her belly, smiling at her boys. Once Lance was sure that Wesley was buckled in safely, he shut the backdoor and walked over to his wife to kiss her goodbye. Before he walked away, he kissed his fingers and placed them on his wife’s belly to tell his unborn baby goodbye as well. There was so much love in the scene that Alexa couldn’t help but to tear up. She wanted so badly what Brooke had. The worst part about it all was that she knew that she could have had that with Brian. Alexa knew with all of her heart that she could have stayed with Brian forever.

After she had left Ben’s office the last time that she’d seen him, Alexa took the two-hour subway ride to Washington, DC, where she then took a taxi and showed up on her sister’s doorstep. Brooke had been surprised to see Alexa, but was glad that she was there. She had openly taken Alexa in and had asked few questions, though she could plainly see that Alexa was visibly distraught. Since then, Alexa had said little. She'd slept through most of the mornings and went to bed early while still helping Brooke out with Wesley as much as she could.

Alexa hadn’t heard a word from Brian since he had walked away from her in their hotel room a week ago. Even though she had told AJ that she’d stay away, she had tried to call Brian a couple more times. She’d left messages, but he’d never called back, though Alexa could understand why. She would hate her as well if she was in his position. She had decided to respect Brian’s unspoken wishes and stop calling. Sometimes, she picked up the phone wanting so badly to dial his number knowing that she would get the voicemail if for nothing else than to hear his voice.

Alexa brushed the newly fallen tears off of her face. She had known that this was going to happen and had no one to blame but herself. She had knowingly let Brian walk into the lion’s den. She had opportunity after opportunity to tell him exactly who she was and who she worked for, but instead, she selfishly wanted to hold onto him for as long as possible. She’d made the worst mistake that she could have made by trusting that Ben would just leave them be.

Suddenly, there was a soft knocking at the door as Brooke peeked her head inside Alexa's room. Alexa wiped her remaining tears out of her eyes and avoided looking at her sister. “Hey.”

Brooke looked at Alexa, skeptically trying to catch her eye. “Hey, yourself. I just wanted to come up to see if you wanted to go get some lunch? Wes is with his play group today, so we're free for most of the afternoon.”

“Um,” Alexa replied with a shrug. “You know, I think that I just want to hang out around here.”

Brooke sighed. She had let Alexa slip by in this mood for long enough. When she had tried asking if everything was okay, Alexa had simple responses about things not working out the way that she wanted them to or about wasting so much time at her dead end job, but Brooke was smarter than that. There was something going on here. “Okay, Alexa, you've been moping around here for days now. What's going on?”

“Nothing is going on.” Alexa defended. “I told you. Things just haven't really been going my way. I'm fine.”

“How can you tell me that you're fine? You sleep all day. You've obviously been crying. You showed up here days ago and you were a mess then.” Brooke walked over to the window seat and sat down by Alexa's feet. She placed a hand on Alexa's knee. “Tell me what's going on, Aly. I'm worried about you.”

Alexa sighed. She didn't like that Brooke was worried. In all honesty, there was nothing to be worried about. Alexa was suffering the consequences of poor decisions and a broken heart. “I just did some stupid things, okay? That's it.”

Brooke waited, hoping that Alexa would continue. “You can't leave it like that. That you did some stupid things? What kind of stupid things? Illegal stupid things? Or twenty-something-year-old stupid things?”

Alexa shrugged. “Just stupid things.”

“Okay,” Brooke started. She was now beginning to get frustrated. “This is starting to get a little ridiculous. I'm your sister Alexa. You can tell me anything.”

Alexa looked over at Brooke. Another tiny piece of her heart broke off at the look on her sister's face. Brooke really was worried about her. “I don't even know where to begin.”

“Try.” Brooke pleaded.

Alexa sighed and bit her trembling lip. “I fell in love, Brooke. I fell in love with this amazing man and I screwed it all up before it even started.”

“Oh, Aly.” Brooke replied. She scooted closer, actually glad that  Alexa was suffering from a broken heart. That, at least, she could relate to. “Tell me what happened.”

“Do you promise not to be all judgmental?” Alexa questioned as a fresh set of tears fell down her face.

Brooke looked at her quizzically. “Oh-kay.”

“And don't say anything until I'm finished?” Alexa wiped her tears with the back of her hand as she waited for Brooke's response.

“Yeah, fine.” Brooke was starting to get worried again. Maybe this particular broken heart wasn't going to be one that she was going to be able to relate to after all?

“Okay, so when I was in Georgia, I really was there on assignment, but it didn't have anything to do with the Dirty South-”

“Duh.” Brooke interrupted, rolling her eyes.

Alexa tilted her head sideways. “You promised.”

Brooke zipped her lips with her fingers and then held her hands up signaling for Alexa to continue.

“Anyway, I wasn't researching rap music. I was there on a Backstreet Boys assignment that Ben sent me on. To my defense, I never had any plans of ever following through. I was going to use the assignment as a vacation, but then I met Brian.” Alexa's voice cracked as she said his name. Once again, she could feel her heart tearing.

“As in the Backstreet Boy?”

Alexa inhaled deeply to keep from sheading any tears and then nodded. “Yes as in the Backstreet Boy and I thought that your lips were zipped?”

“They are,” Brooke replied. “I'm just trying to understand.”

“Well, Brian's wife died on September 11. You and I even talked about that on the phone one day from my office, remember?"

Brooke nodded impatiently, wondering what Brian's wife had to do with anything.

"That was actually the day that Ben asked me to go on this stupid assignment.” Alexa paused, remembering the day that Ben cornered her in his office and asked her to go to Georgia.

Brooke sat by attempting to wait patiently. She was trying to uphold her promise, but Alexa had stopped in the middle of her thought. “And?”

“And Ben asked me to go down to Georgia and befriend Brian. He wanted Brian to come back to the company. Brian was pretty distraught over the death of his wife and he didn't want to sing anymore. At first, I said no way. Then Jenny convinced me that we should go together, like I said, vacation. I never had any intention of ever talking to Brian. I ended up moving into an empty house across the street from his house. Well, I met Brian my first day there. Ben wasn't even in my mind. It was all downhill from there. I fell in love with him so fast and he fell in love with me, too, though it was hard for him to admit to at first. We spent the holidays together in Kentucky. I met his family. He's... amazing. Everything about him is so incredible, Brooke.” Alexa stopped as she began to choke on her words again. The tears in her eyes were now blinding.

Brooke still didn't exactly understand. Was Alexa being paid to sleep with Brian? Did Brian find out? What happened? “I'm not quite understanding, Aly.”

“Ben was paying me for a while to be friends with Brian. Nothing happened while I was getting paid, nothing really. I mean, I was in a bad place. I needed the money. Ben just wanted me to go to Georgia for a while. How was I supposed to know that Brian was going to open up to me? I thought that if no one else could get him to open up, what would be so different about me?” Alexa ran a hand through her hair and rested her head on top of her knees. “To make a long story short, Brian and I got together. I quit Jive. He started singing again. We went to New York and Ben told him everything after he promised one of Brian's friends that he wouldn't say anything. Brian was understandably destroyed when he found out and I haven't spoken to him since.”

“And what about Ben? Have you spoken to him?” Brooke asked, trying to wrap her mind around the facts.

“Once.” Alexa nodded. “I gave him back all of the money that he had paid me. I didn't want it. Everything that I felt for Brian was so real. He could have been the one for me, Brooke. He could have been my everything.”

Brooke felt terrible for her sister. Alexa had just been a pawn in one of Ben's ugly games. She took her sister's hand and squeezed it gently. “If that was true then, it's going to be true now. He might just need some time to think things through. You said that he loved you. Something like that doesn't go away. If he was the one for you when you were in Georgia, he's still the one for you today, tomorrow and every day after. You have to let it all play out. You can't lock yourself up and be an emotional mess. You have to be strong and live your life.”

“I don't know how to live without him anymore, Brooke.” Alexa sobbed. “I wake up every morning and I reach for him. I see him in my dreams. I close my eyes just to picture his face. I strain my ears to hear anything that he ever said to me. I miss him so much.”

Brooke pulled Alexa into a hug and rocked her back and forth gently. “Alexa, having a broken heart is one of the hardest things that you'll ever have to go through, especially when you feel so completely guilty about it, but you did the right thing. You gave Ben his money back and you're giving Brian his space. At some point, the two of you will meet again. In the meantime, I am here for you. You can cry on my shoulder. You can talk to me. I don't want you to shut me out because you think that I'll judge you. We all make mistakes.”

Alexa nodded. “I know and it wasn't just that. I just didn't want it to be real."

“I know.” Brooke let go of Alexa and leaned back. “Look, I'm starving. Get dressed, come to lunch with me. I want to hear everything about him. It'll help you stop crying if you think of all the good things and good times. I don't know anything about Backstreet Brian or just plain old Brian. I want to know about the guy that has my baby sister in tears. You never cried over Aaron.”

Alexa laughed through her tears. “Aaron was gay.”

“What?” Brooke exclaimed.

“It's a long story.” Alexa replied while wiping her eyes.

“And you'll tell me over lunch?” Brooke questioned.

Alexa nodded and tried to smile as Brooke stood up and waddled out of the room leaving Alexa alone to get dressed. Alexa had to admit, it did feel kind of good to have someone to confide in. There were very few people in this world that knew that she and Brian had ever existed. Now that she had spoken the words out loud to someone else, it made the past that much more real and while part of that past was so good, it also meant that the bad part existed, too. That was the part that Alexa wished could simply be erased.

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Brian arrived back home to Georgia almost two weeks after that fateful day in Ben Silverman’s office. Besides having meetings with his lawyers to discuss the Jive issue, Brian just didn’t want to have to go back to a house that held memories of not only one, but two women that he once loved with all of his heart. As he stood in the living room, it was as if Alexa never existed. All of his things were still in their places and the holes that he had made in the walls when he and Alexa had returned from Kentucky had been covered up long ago. He knew, however, that waiting for him in his bedroom were all of the clothes that she had left when they went to New York and in his garage were the boxes that he had stacked when he had asked her to stay in Georgia. When he thought back to that morning that she was getting ready to return to New York, Alexa had told him that there were some things about her past that he needed to know, but he had been too stupid to listen. So, did that make his misery no one’s fault but his own or should she have tried harder to get him to listen?

The night that he and Alexa had broken up, AJ had told him that he was sure that Alexa was gone and that it would be okay to go back to his hotel room. Throughout the days, Brian kept imagining soft knocks at the door. Sometimes, he would get up to make sure that no one was there. There were times when he wished desperately that Alexa was on the other side of the door just so that he could see her again. Then, he would hate himself for wanting her so badly after every lie that she had told him. She had been getting paid to sleep with him for Christ’s sake!

The day that Alexa left, she had left his house key and a letter lying on the desk in the hotel room. He had turned that letter around in his hands. He had unfolded it, stared at her loopy handwriting and then folded it back again. He crumpled it, threw it in the trash and then went back to the garbage can to retrieve it. He’d done everything he could do to the letter, except for read it. He didn’t want to read her apologies or her excuses; though Brian didn’t know if that was because it would be too easy to forgive all of the deceitful things that she had done or if it was because he didn’t want to be reminded of it all. When Brian left New York, he took the letter with him, but he left her house key sitting where she left it on the desk. It may seem like it was just a key, but to Brian it was another reminder of Alexa’s pouty lips, clear blue eyes and infectious smile.

Brian dropped his suitcase on the floor in the living room and walked over to the window where he used to stand and admire Alexa from afar. The house was dark, quiet. There was no evidence of all of the memories that had been made there. No evidence of how he and Alexa had made love until the sun rose in the morning when they had first gotten together. No evidence of how something as simple as a pizza dinner shared with someone who was seemingly detached from his former life had been able to finally bring Brian back from the dark. Nothing had been able to keep him away from her. Maybe she had been telling the truth? Maybe she never really did have any intentions of talking to him? Maybe Brian was the one who had unknowingly put their relationship into overdrive. She had made the first attempts at dinner when she brought that first pizza over to his house, but he had gone back to her. He had asked her to go for a walk with him and Tyke in the dog park. He had brought dinner over to what he thought was her house later on that week.

Brian didn’t have the answers. All he knew was that he was miserable without her. He hated himself for being so weak. He had let the death of his wife destroy him; he couldn’t let this destroy him, too. Brian slammed the shades shut with a smack and grabbed his keys. He wasn’t going to be alone tonight.

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A couple days later, Ben Silverman walked into his downtown luxury apartment and threw his briefcase down onto the coffee table. He hadn't been home this early in years.

The Board of Directors waited until the end of the week at 5 o'clock to call him into an important meeting. It was close to being time for his annual review, so Ben went in thinking that he was going to be getting a pat on the back and a raise. He had, after all, brought the Backstreet Boys back to Jive. He'd heard through the grapevine that they had decided to stay with the company instead of trying to fight against the contracts that they had signed. In Ben's mind, he'd won.

Instead, Ben had gotten fired. Apparently, Brian's bite was as loud as his bark. He had gone to his lawyers and to the Board of Directors and told them everything. Why did I give him those pictures? Ben thought to himself angrily. I should have known better than that!

His entire life was going to change. Brian and Alexa's actions had ruined him. There wasn't a record company in the world that was going to hire him with the reputation that he now had. Brian wasn't supposed to find out the way that he had. It was all supposed to look like Alexa's doing, but because of Alexa, AJ had come in threatening him-- saying that they weren't going to sign the contracts unless he promised to leave Brian and Alexa alone. Ha! No one threatens Ben Silverman. So, he threw those pictures at Brian, more as a statement to AJ than anything else. Now, he'd lost his job.

Ben walked over to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of scotch. He grabbed a shot glass from the cabinet and pour the scotch in to the rim. He tilted his head back and swallowed the liquor in one gulp before slamming the shot glass onto the counter with a thud. At that moment, he made a vow to himself that he intended to keep no matter the circumstances. Alexa Owens was going to pay for ruining him.