Over the last week, Brian had opted to stay inside of the secluded comfort of his home, not that this was that unusual. Running into his new neighbor, especially in as vulnerable a state that he was in when she approached him, had set Brian into an emotional tailspin. It had been years since Brian had run into a woman whose beauty had absolutely taken his breath away. Hell, it had been years since he had run into a woman and even noticed how attractive she was. Though deep inside he knew that it was completely normal for him to notice other women, he was still guilt stricken. Hayden was probably crying for him from her cloud in heaven, devastated by how her death had completely ruined the man that she had loved so much.

Alexa wasn’t making it easy on him being that she was much more active than the rest of his suburban neighbors. Every time he gazed out the window there she was--checking the mail, jogging down the street with IPOD buds hanging from her ears, moving an un-ending array of boxes into her new home, or as she was now, paying the pizza delivery boy with a smile. Sometimes, he stood at the window and watched her, wondering what it was about this dark-haired woman that had him so intrigued after so many devastatingly lonely years.

The shrill ringing of the phone made him jump and pulled him away from the window. He jogged swiftly from his living room into the kitchen where the phone was charging on its receiver. Slightly out of breath he answered, “Hello?”

“Hey Brian, it’s J,” AJ responded, chuckling softly. “You’re breathing pretty hard. What were you doing in there?”

“Running to get the phone so that you could bother me, apparently.” Brian rolled his eyes to himself and sat down on one of the hard kitchen table chairs; his legs were spread out in front of him, crossed at the ankles.

“Whoa, I must have caught you on one those dark days, huh?” The smile had evaporated from AJ’s face as he leaned against the counter in his own kitchen thousands of miles away in California.

“No, not really. I’m just waiting for you to get to your point so that I can say no for the thousandth time. Or should we just skip right to that part?”

In just three minutes of talking to Brian, AJ’s mood had turned from jovial to annoyed. “I didn’t have a point. We went back into the studio this morning and it was weird without you. I just called to see how you were holding up, that’s all.”

“I’m holding up just fine.” Brian knew that AJ had ulterior motives. He wasn’t going to let his guard down for even one second.

“Dude, what’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem other than the fact that I keep getting these nagging phone calls from four guys that I used to work with begging me to come back to something that I have no use for anymore.”

AJ couldn’t believe his ears. He knew that Brian could get like this, but today, it was completely unprovoked. “I didn’t call you to try to convince you of anything. You’ve made up your mind and that’s fine. You’re making a mistake, but to each his own. Not to mention that we aren’t just four guys that you used to work with. We’re your friends. No, we’re more than friends, we’re your brothers and it’s insulting that you could possibly refer to the four of us as just your nagging ‘co-workers.’”

Brian sighed to himself and realized that he had been out of line. “You’re right. I’m sorry. With you guys going back into the studio and hearing so much about the Backstreet Boys lately, it’s just sent my head into a strange place.”

At Brian’s apology, AJ softened a bit. “I can understand that Brian, really I can, and I know that you hate to hear this but Hayden is gone, Dude. It sucks and it’s sad and it was a terrible thing that happened to you and I’m not going to sit here and try to tell you that coming back to the group is the right way for you to heal, but it’s been five years, the healing has got to start sometime. You can’t keep lashing out at people over nothing or pushing the people that care about you further and further away. If you haven’t been able to tell by now, some of us aren’t going anywhere.”

“I know. I appreciate that. I do. I just need you all to understand that there are some things that I can’t handle. Being a Backstreet Boy is a large chunk of that list.” Brian shut his eyes tightly wanting to get the images of that last tour out of his head. That was another recurring dream he had. He was standing on stage in Boston. The lights were shining brightly in his face, but to the side of the stage he could still see his beautiful wife. Her hands were sitting on her protruding belly. There was a soft glow illuminating her vibrant skin and shining blonde hair. He smiled at her and waved. She blew him a kiss. He closed his eyes as he sang the words to one of his favorite Backstreet Boys songs. It was the song that had brought them together. "Every little thing that you have said and done, feels like it's deep within me. It doesn't really matter if you’re on the run, it seems like we're meant to be." As he opened his eyes, his grin faded slowly. The arena was empty. The lights were off. Hayden was gone. No matter how hard he tried he could never get out of that arena. He ran in circles around the building, stopped at every exit, but it was no use. He was stuck in a moment. What's worse was that he was stuck in that moment alone.

"Brian? Brian, buddy?" AJ’s raspy voice broke into his thoughts.

Brian shook his head to clear the unpleasant images that were whirling furiously in his mind. "Yeah, yeah. I'm here. Sorry."

"Where's your head? I thought that I'd lost you for a second." AJ was starting to become concerned. He'd really just called to talk to his friend. He didn't mean for the conversation to take such a steep turn.

"No. I just had this dream the other night. It was nothing." Brian was saved by the sound of the doorbell ringing. "Look, I have to go. Someone's at the door."

"You expecting company?" AJ asked, actually glad that Brian may have someone around to distract him for a while.

"No, not really. I'll talk to you later." They men said their goodbyes and Brian jogged back to the living room to answer the door. He had to crack a small smile to himself. I don't need to leave the house. I can get my exercise just by running back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. When he finally opened the door, he was surprised to see Alexa standing on his front porch with a pizza box resting in the palm of her hand.

“Hey.” Alexa said breezily. A smirk was plastered onto her face as Brian stood in the foyer wondering what she was doing there.

“Hi.” Brian replied. He wanted to slam the door and go back to AJ’s burdening concern.

“Have you eaten dinner yet? I ordered a pizza and my friend decided to ditch me. I guess she met someone while she was out earlier.” She laughed softly. “Are you interested?”

“Um, no. I really shouldn’t. I’ve got some things going on tonight.”

“Please don’t take offense to this, but I don’t see you out that much. I thought you might want some company. Besides the soccer moms and retirees, I may be the only one you’ve got worth talking to around here.” In all honesty, it was Alexa that had wanted the company, and she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Brian across the street and alone all week long.

Alexa’s eyes twinkled mysteriously and Brian found himself slowly backing away from the door. “I was just on a phone call, actually. Maybe some other time.”

Alexa’s face fell and she shrugged. “Okay. Here.” She replied and handed him the pizza box.

“What’s this for?” He asked as he took the box from her hands.

“It’s dinner. I can’t eat the whole thing by myself. You have it. I just thought that we could get to know each other, be friends or something.” She turned and began to walk away.

As Brian watched her walk down the cobblestone path, he couldn’t stop himself from calling out to her. “Alexa!”

She turned and smiled, but continued to walk down the path backwards. “It’s fine. You’re busy I get it.” She turned back around and headed to her house. Mentally, she kicked herself. She was so embarrassed. What was I thinking, she chastised herself mentally, you don’t even know him!

“Alexa!” Brian called again.

She turned around and, this time, stopped. She placed her hands on her hips and looked at him questioningly. “What’s up?”

Brian cracked a small smile and sighed. “I guess having some company for dinner would be nice. It is your pizza, after all. Come on in.”

Alexa smiled and made her way back down the path to his front door. He opened the door wider allowing her to enter, then kicked it shut behind her. As she walked through the foyer, his little dog came running up wagging his thin tail. “Hey, Buddy.” She said while leaning over to pet his soft fur. “What’s his name?”

“That’s Tyke.” Brian replied as he picked up the small dog with his free hand and held him against his chest.

“Well, it’s nice to see you again, Tyke.” She laughed as the dog licked her cheek happily.

Brian smiled softly and led her to the living room where he set the pizza box down on the coffee table. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll go grab us a couple of sodas out of the fridge. Is Coke okay?”

“That’s great.” Alexa smiled and watched Brian walk out of the room. Suddenly, she felt awkward standing alone in his living room. She took in her surroundings and found herself drawn to a set of French doors that led to a large swimming pool with a Jacuzzi and waterfall. To the left of the set of doors was the dining room. Behind the dining room table on a yellow-painted wall hung a display of Brian’s gold records. Alexa stood in front of the display for the Millennium album, arguably the Backstreet Boys best, and touched the glass lightly. Suddenly, she could feel Brian behind her and she jumped.

To Alexa’s surprise he didn’t seem mad. He almost looked relieved. “I’m sorry. I-“

Brian shook his head and waved her off. “I see that you found me out.”

“The pool had my attention, but I’m obviously easily distracted.” She smiled as Brian stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t find you out, actually. I know who you are.”

Brian nodded his head and laughed aloud to himself. He mentally kicked himself for not being able to see through her. “So, that’s what this is about? You’re a fan? You pity me? Want to cheer me up, which is it? Because I really don’t need your pity or your friendship, in fact.”

“Whoa, Soldier, slow down.” Alexa held a hand up and shook her head. “I’m not here to cheer you up and I don’t pity you, not at all actually. You may not know this, but a lot of people lost their lives that day. Not to mention that other people in this world have lost loved ones in tragically sad ways. I told you. I thought you might like some company. I was lonely and I don’t really know anyone around here. You know what? Forget it. I’ll leave.”

She pushed past him quickly. Tears were welling up in her eyes and she felt like a big baby. How could someone she didn’t even know make her cry? She was startled, however, when she felt Brian’s hand grasp her wrist.

“I don’t want you to leave.” He whispered, softly. He let go of her wrist quickly and wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. “You just have to understand that I’ve had some really crappy people come through here and I don’t usually let people in this easily. I have to expect the worst first and ask questions later.”

Alexa shrugged and stared into his blue eyes. She was mesmerized by the intense look on his face. “I can understand that.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Look, I really just came over here for some pizza. That’s it. I’m not a groupie and trust me, I was never a fan.”

Brian chuckled and ran his hands through his hair. “That’s good to hear. Those boybands, pfft, who needs ‘em!”

“Definitely not I, Sir.”

Brian laughed a real laugh for the first time in as long as he could remember. It felt nice to feel the warmth of a real smile running through his body. “Come on. The pizza’s getting cold. Why don’t we see if we can get through it without anymore drama, shall we?”

Alexa smiled. “We shall.” She followed him back into the living room and sat next to him on the couch.

That night, there were many silent pauses in conversation, but Brian had to admit that it felt nice to have someone there with him—someone without expectations, someone who didn’t know him before, someone who could make their own judgments about him now. Maybe letting Alexa into his life, as a friend, wouldn’t be so bad after all. Maybe this is what he needed to finally heal. Maybe.