An hour later, Brian and Alexa were still walking through the neighborhood dog park with Tyke leading the way wagging his pink tongue happily. As Brian and Alexa walked along the winding paths through the wooded area, they made casual conversation. The conversation had come to a lull, but both Brian and Alexa were perfectly content simply walking along in silence. Alexa looked up at the bright blue sky and inhaled deeply taking in the refreshing pine scent.

Brian watched her out of the corner of his eye and let a small smile creep to his face. “The air in Georgia is definitely different than what you’ve been breathing in the Big Apple, huh?”

Alexa laughed softly. “The air in New York doesn’t smell like nature if that’s what you mean.”

The pair fell silent for another couple of minutes, until Brian spoke again. “So, earlier you said that you were on vacation. How long are you here for?” Brian tensed as he asked the question. The mixture of emotions that were running through him was unnerving. After going so long without any feeling other than sadness running through him every day, it was unfathomable that this new unexpected addition to his life was the one person that was able to lift his spirits, even if only slightly.

“Um, well,” she started slowly, then looked over at him and smiled. “I don’t really know. I haven’t decided.”

“From the urgency of your boss’ phone calls this morning, it sounds like he needs you back. Your vacation might be cut a little short.” Brian looked down at his feet as he walked wanting to avoid looking into her blue eyes at all costs.

“No. In all honesty, I am kind of working while I’m here. It’s kind of a long story.” She cleared her throat quickly and hurried to change the subject. “So, what about you? Do you have anything that you’re working on?” She grimaced within herself at the question.

“I’m retired.” Brian answered without hesitation.

His statement made her laugh, though it probably shouldn’t have. “Retired? You can’t be any older than 30. You can’t possibly be retired.”

Brian shrugged. “I made plenty of money as a Backstreet Boy for the eight or so years that I was one.”

“And that’s it? You’re done. You don’t love it anymore? You checked out? What about the others?” Alexa looked over at Brian and could see him start to get annoyed. She was pushing his limits.

“Look, I don’t know why I feel inclined to tell you this, but being a Backstreet Boy has some really terrible memories for me-- from almost getting myself killed because of a heart condition that I have to my wife getting killed because she couldn’t handle my schedule. It’s done and as far as the others go, they don’t need me. They’ll be fine.” Brian clenched his jaw tightly, signaling the end of the conversation.

Though Alexa was intrigued by his willingness to walk away from it all, she decided to drop the subject. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to broach such a sensitive subject with you.”

“It’s fine.”

Alexa could feel Brian emotionally pulling away. Everything inside of her was screaming to find a way to make it stop. “My dad killed himself,” she blurted after only a few seconds.

Brian glanced at her curiously wondering what had made her tell him such a personal detail about her life. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. It was a long time ago. 1999, actually. Right around the time that Backstreet was back or you were wanting it your way, or something.” Alexa had the bad habit of making jokes when she was nervous. This one caused Brian to chuckle.

“In 1999, I wanted it my way.” He glanced over at her and smiled.

“I knew it was something like that.” She nodded slowly and smiled. “Yeah. He couldn’t provide for my sister and me anymore, so he put a bullet in his head. It was a stupid thing for him to do. If you remember yesterday, when you thought that I was encroaching on your space and you kind of freaked out on me?”

Brian laughed again. “I didn’t freak out on you.”

Alexa tilted her head and gave him a look that said, “Seriously?”

“Okay, maybe I did. What’s your point?”

“My point is that my dad is what I was talking about when I went on my spiel about not pitying you. I’ve kind of been there. In a different way of course, but still, I lost the one person that meant the most in this world to me, too.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets, suddenly chilled by a gust of wind.

Brian noticed Alexa shiver. He stuffed his hands into his pockets quickly suppressing his instinct to pull her close. “Are you getting cold? Do you want to head back?”

“I’m fine,” she replied quickly, “but we can go whenever you’re ready.”

“We probably should. I’ve got some things to take care of at home.”

They turned around and started to walk back the way that they had just come. Alexa knew that he probably didn’t have anything waiting for him to take care of at home, but as they made their way out of the park, she decided not to let it bother her.

Suddenly, Brian’s voice broke into her thoughts. “Thank you for telling me about your dad. I know that it must be hard to talk about.”

Alexa shrugged and smiled at him softly. “It used to be hard to talk about, but the pain fades eventually.”

Brian nodded. Her statement scared him. If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that part of the reason that he locked himself away and let the pain and guilt take over his life was because he didn’t want the pain to completely go away. In some ways, it seemed like if he let the pain go, he was letting Hayden go. He didn’t want to turn his wife into another passing memory.

Alexa looked over at Brian. “You remember how you met Jenny this morning?”

Brian nodded. “Your roommate? Yeah.”

“Well, she’s actually my foster sister. Growing up, she was my best friend, so when my dad died and my real sister went away to college Jenny’s parents took me in.” As Alexa walked she gazed at Brian. There was something about him that made her want to open up and spill her soul. Though she knew that he had ostracized the world around him, something had made him let her in.

“I don’t mean to be nosy, but what about your mom?”

“What about her?” Alexa asked, shrugging.

“I mean, when your dad passed away was your mom not in the picture at the time?” Brian could tell that the subject of Alexa’s mom was a touchy one. He didn’t want to force her to talk about it if she didn’t want to, but as he opened his mouth to say so, she answered his question.

“I never knew my mom. She ran out on my dad, my sister and me when I was a baby.” Alexa crossed her arms in front of her debating whether she should go on or not. She continued after a short inner-struggle. “When the state was trying to decide where to put me, they actually found my mom, but she didn’t want anything to do with me. I was 16-years-old and she signed away her parental rights, not that she should have had any to begin with.”

Brian’s heart began to ache, except, for the first time in a long time, it was for someone other than himself. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

“Seriously, don’t be.” Alexa smiled at him softly. “I stopped caring a long time ago.”

“I admire the way that you don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. You’re one of the few people that I know that has actually been through some stuff.” Brian turned his head to look at her. She smiled at him softly and their eyes locked.

Wanting to break the intenseness of the moment, Alexa looked away quickly and bumped Brian lightly with her shoulder. “Trust me. I’m not one you should be admiring and you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Brian smiled. “I doubt it, but thanks.”

“You’re still here aren’t you?” She argued back at him.

“By that argument, if not killing yourself if a sign of strength, then okay. I’ll give it to you.” In his darkest hour, Brian had contemplated taking his life just so that the tears, the nausea and the agonizing aching in his heart would finally disappear. The only reason that he was still on this Earth was because he was afraid of the consequences of his actions—the pain of death and where he would end up in his afterlife.

A haunted look appeared in Alexa’s eyes as she sighed heavily. “I would know, right?”

Brian looked over at her quickly. He could sense that he hit a raw, emotional spot for her and he was sorry for that. “I didn’t mean to make you talk about something so personal and hurtful.”

Alexa shook her head. “No, not at all. I brought it up and I don’t mind talking about it. I just still miss my dad. That part never goes away. As far as my mother goes, it sucks to feel like you’re not wanted, but in the end it probably worked out for the best for me anyway.”

“But what if she came back and wanted to have a relationship with you? What then?”

Alexa laughed at his interest. “It seems really important to you that I give my mom a chance.”

Brian smiled back, embarrassed. “Family is really important to me, obviously. I just think that if you have a chance to have it, you shouldn’t turn it away.”

Alexa peered at him, debating the words that were on the tip of her tongue. “The same goes for you, too, wouldn’t you think?”

Brian narrowed his eyes in a confused look. “Meaning?”

“Meaning not only starting over romantically, but keeping your friends and your parents and siblings, if you have them, close to you in your time of need.” Alexa braced herself for Brian’s reaction. To her surprise, he just sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

“Maybe, but I still think that it’s a little bit different.” He looked down and continued to open up. A deep sadness dripped from his every word. “I don’t know if you know the details, but my wife was pregnant with our first child. She was everything to me. She and my unborn baby were my family. They were the people that I would fight and die for. You know, I love my mom and my dad and my brother to death, but it’s a different kind of love when it’s all yours. My mom has my dad, my brother has his wife and I had Hayden. I had that thing that fairy tales are made out of, but I never got my happy ending.”

“That’s not necessarily true. Your story isn’t over. A happy ending could still be around the corner. You might have to work harder at yours, that’s all.” Alexa’s heart broke for him. She wished that there was some way that she could take the pain away.

“I’ve done that already. I don’t know if I’m up to doing it again. My heart can’t take that much more disappointment.” By this time, Brian and Alexa had arrived back to Alexa’s house and Brian was grateful. It’s not that he hadn’t enjoyed talking to her; in fact, he’d probably enjoyed it too much. He’d just had enough deep conversation for a lifetime and he’d had the deepest conversation that he’d had in over five years.

“I guess I should probably go in and let you get to whatever it was that you needed to take care of,” Alexa said as she ran a hand through her hair. “I had a good time though. We should do this again.”

Brian quickly found himself nodding. “Yeah, definitely.”

Alexa waved and then turned and walked up the three stone-steps to her front door. Before letting herself in, she turned around and called out to him, “Hey, Brian?”

He looked at her over his shoulder and then turned around. “What’s up?”

“Do you want to do dinner or something? At the end of the week maybe?”

Her invitation took him aback for a moment. Instead of outright denying, he decided to play coy. He shrugged and smirked. “I don’t know. We’ll see. If I think you need some company, I’ll bring a pizza over on Friday night, or something.”

Alexa laughed and continued toward the door. “Whatever, Dude. Then maybe I’ll see you Friday!”

Brian laughed also, but he knew that he wasn’t going to be bringing pizza over to Alexa’s on Friday night. Wouldn’t that qualify as a date? He wondered to himself nauseously. No way. He had found himself being able to open up to her and feeling better in her presence, but he wasn’t ready for where this relationship could go if it continued. It was only a few days before that he was unable to leave bed. As soon as Alexa stepped into her house and he was alone again, the overbearing guilt of spending the day with another woman set in. Brian turned around with his head hung low and made his way sadly back to his cold, empty home.