CHAPTER FOUR: Love and Mathematics
"Don't ever turn down going to Hyde again." AJ pointed his finger out as he sat across from Nick during lunch.
"I told you I couldn't go, man. I was going to see Audrey."
"Ah, you didn't go to because you wanted to get cockblocked purposely? That's great."
"Shut up, man." Nick laughed getting his Blackberry out of his pocket looking at briefly.
"Seriously, what did you guys do, besides groping her ass 'accidentally'?"
"We hung out, had dinner, talked and watched a movie. The usual."
"Don't forget about the part where you persisted her to sleep with you while Casey was away. Tell me something new this time."
"Like I said, the usual, and that's an on going in joke between us."
"It's not a joke if you actually want to do it. It just becomes a proposition."
"Yeah, whatever dude." Nick mumbled putting his Blackberry back in his pocket.
"Don't make excuses to me, dude. It's always the same old story," AJ shook his head. "Do you realize that's all you're going to get from her?"
"Not this crap again."
"You know what would be a good idea? If you finally told her how you feel."
"Oh yeah, I can do that. 'Hey Audrey, I have feelings for you. Leave your girlfriend Casey for me and switch teams!'" Nick sarcastically replied.
"I didn't mean it like that. Sit her down and say that you have feelings for her."
"You make it sound so easy when it's clearly not."
"I don't know, it just seems like it would because it's Audrey. You can tell her anything and she's cool with it. Like the time you told her you peed in that fountain in Spain and she didn't even bat an eyelash."
"She's used to my shenanigans."
"That's what I mean. The two of you have a relationship like no other. Even ex-girlfriends of yours get jealous."
"When?" Nick raised an eyebrow.
"Off the top of my head, five years ago when she came to visit you in Florida. Howie and I picked up her from airport and when we pulled into the driveway, she ran out of the car, jumps in your arms, you spun her around and the two of you laughed like total idiots. Paris is standing there, arms folded and the look on her face... there was venom shooting out of those eyes."
"But she got jealous at everything I did with any girl."
"Oh yeah," AJ chuckled. "But you hang out with her all the time, call, texting, emails and IMs late at night. And, and, and who just texted you? It was her, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, she bought these new shoes that she's been wanting for a year. So I said, that's great. I bet you'll look cute in them." Nick laughed and rambled on. "Then she said, they'll hurt like hell though, then I wrote back saying not if you wear them out they won't. Then she goes, I'm not done shoe shopping yet and going to cause trouble at Robertson Boulevard and then I said I better warn the stores there to watch out for you then she says, well you better and it had a little wink at the end. It was so cute."
"Dude." AJ staring at him in disbelief.
"What?"
"Oh man, you really are into her."
Nick only shrugged and looked down on the ground not saying anything.
"Wait a minute," AJ furrowed his eyebrows and stared at Nick's wondering eyes. "Shit, you've already fallen in love with her, haven't you?"
Nick began to fidget with his hands and still didn't say anything. There was the answer.
AJ continued on, "I thought you really liked her all these years but man, I didn't know you were in love with her. Why haven't you said anything?"
"I don't know. You never asked."
"That's a bullshit answer," AJ spat. "Don't be a smart ass. How long have you felt this way?"
"It's 2008 so let's see, um, 8 years." Nick said nonchalantly.
"Fuck," AJ muttered. "Again, why the hell haven't you said anything?!"
"It's stupid enough to like someone who I can't have but falling in love with her? It sounds all so stupid." Nick said finally looking back up at AJ.
"Did I give you shit when you told me that you liked her? No. Am I giving you shit now that I found out that you're actually in love with her? No. It isn't stupid, and who says you can't have her?"
"Have you ever heard a girl turning straight for a guy? That's never happened."
"She was into guys remember? For a long time before you met her."
"There's the word right there - was. She hasn't been with a guy in so long. She's never going back - and for me? No fucking way."
"You don't know that. You're not the only guy in the world who has a situation like this. I'm sure it happens to lots of people."
"Like who?"
"It happened to me. Remember that girl Emma? She was into women and when I told her how I felt about her, we dated for like three months."
"She was bisexual. That doesn't exactly count. She screwed anything that walked through the door."
"It still counts."
"That's nothing like my situation."
AJ paused for a moment before speaking up again, "I'm not surprised that you fell in love with her."
"Oh yeah?" Nick smiled widely and AJ nodded. "Whenever mom is having her cry wolf situations, the whole thing with Paris and when I'm happy or upset. This one time, it was like 12am and I told her I ran out of Lucky Charms, then she comes by ten minutes later with a new box - little things like that I just adore about her. When I feel like the whole world is going to shit, she's there to tell me, 'Everything will be okay'. I've always loved her," Nick took a deep breath before continuing. "But I can't tell her just like that. She's so happy with Casey and if I told her.... I can't even think about what's going to happen after that. She may never want to talk to me again or be in the same room as me."
"Why are you thinking about the consequences if it hasn't even happened yet? Tell her and you'll find out. You shouldn't keep all these feelings that you have for Audrey inside and it's going to kill you even more that you can't say what you want to say. Let me tell you something, one day she's going to spend the rest of her life with someone and you'll be wishing that it was you. She's your best friend. She has to know how you feel about her."
"Fuck, I don't know if I can." Nick rubbed his head in frustration.
"You just dropped the motherload on me and you cannot just sit there and not do anything about it. I can deal with you not being able to tell her your feelings for her but now that you've admitted that you've been in love with her since you've known her, it's a different ball game now."
"I've learnt how to live with it. It's been too long."
"But it's not healthy."
"There is never a good time to tell her. When there is, I can't say it! I'm just scared that whatever I say, it's going to change things between us."
"That's the sacrifice you're going to have to make. Are you prepared to do that?"
Nick sighed deeply, "I don't know. I honestly don't know."
Author's Chapter Notes:
If you haven't already, it's important that you read Chapter 3 before proceeding into this chapter. Some of you may have missed something :)
