It's been a few days since the whole Nick incident and things are slowly getting back to normal. After Deanna went to bed that night I had a long talk with Harold and Kevin. Both of which think I'm letting her off the hook a little too easily, but what can I say? I love the woman. I know I shouldn't forgive her but I can't help but to. That woman means everything to me and I've worked too damn hard to get where we're at. I refuse to let Nick ruin what I've built up in her, he can't mess with her head anymore.
But there is always that little voice in the back of my head chanting 'She'll do it again Brian, just wait.' I try to ignore it really I do but my feelings for Deanna always win out, they always have. My brother and cousin think that I give her too much freedom and maybe they're right. I do give her too much but I try to trust her but it gets harder everyday.
Sometimes I just wanna know what shes thinking, if shes even thinking of me or Chris for that matter. I know she apologized but a part of me is still ticked at the little stunt she pulled. I mean really why would you sneak out to see an ex, Nick for that matter? He isn't worth her energy or time. If it wasn't for him she'd still be that same girl he introduced us to years ago. But thanks to him and his selfish ways she never will be. I'm actually thankful it was Harold and not me that went after her, I think if it had been me that boy would be lying in a ditch somewhere. And to think I once called him my best friend? HA let me laugh! As I sit back in my recliner I think back to our conversation...
The Night Before
After tucking Chris into bed I came back downstairs and was shocked to see she was still there. I had half expected her to run out like she did a few days before but there she was sitting on the couch apparantly lost in thought. I stood in the archway of the living room and just watched her for a few moments.
She was still mine, My Deanna...the only problem was, how do I get her to open up to me? I was about to attempt just that. I walked into the room and sat next to her startling her from her thoughts.
"I honestly thought you'd leave again."
"You did? Look about that I..."
I quickly shushed her "No...none of that...let's forget about it, alright?"
"But I basically abandoned you and our son."
"I know but you're here now even though it took some forcing..."
She looked up at me and she never looked more beautiful, I smiled but she didn't return it.
"Something on your mind?"
"Why are you with me?"
"What?"
"I said...why are you with me?"
Well that was straight to the point wasn't it? Why did I love her? Seems like that list gets shorter eachday.
"Why do you think? I love you Deanna, you know that."
"Do I? I don't even know what love is...if I did I wouldn't keep hurting you."
"Stop that, you hear me? Whatever he has done to you and your head it's over. I know you still have feelings for him he was your first love and I understand that. But you can't keep running to him. You have a family now, a husband who loves you dearly and a son who needs his mother. I know he hurt you but god Deanna you can't let him be your whole life. I'm your life now, me and Chris." I held her hands and she smiled.
"I know...and I'm so sorry for what I've done, I don't deserve you..."
"Yes you do. You deserve to be loved, everyone deserves that. You just have this warped image of what love is and what you had with Nick wasn't love. This is love. What I feel for you is love and I just want that feeling returned. I want to know that I'm the one your thinking about."
"You are. It's just..."
I sit back in the chair and look over at her with my hands folded, and solemnity in my eyes. "It's just what, Deanna? Please, I need to know."
She looks at me, her eyes a solid blue, but there's something I noticed when I see them at this moment: they didn't luster.
"I still have strong feelings for--"
I place a finger to her lips, "Don't say his name. You just have to realize the fact that you cannot go back to him. Promise me that you won't leave me again for him..."
I hated to beg, Lord knows I don't, but if that's what I have to do to make this woman stay in my life, then so be it. I could care less of my own damn pride.
"I promise..."
"What?"
She looks at me again, but still, her ocean blue eyes didn't luster. I knew that what she was going to utter out next wasn't the truth.
"I said, I promise, Brian...I won't leave you for Nick again...You have me at my word."
"Do I? Should I really trust you on that?"
She nods affirmatively towards me, but that wasn't enough.
"I need you to tell me that. Should I trust you on this?"
"Why are you griping me over this, Brian?"
"I'm not griping you, I just--" I stand up and walk over to the window, resting my forehead against the wall. My hands were flattened upon the wall as well, and I sigh incoherently.
"I'm not griping you, Deanna...nodding and shaking your head isn't telling me anything, alright?" I turn my head around adjacent towards her; she was still sitting on the couch. Her eyes were burning through my back with such intent, I had to turn back around to face her again.
"Even though I love you with all my heart and soul, I still have to be sure if you're going to be with me in the long run."
I see her approach me with open arms. I respond to her by doing the same, and envelop her in a tight embrace. I then felt her warm tears fall upon my tee, staining and bleeding through it, as well as my soul.
"I'm so sorry, Brian...I'm so sorry..." she clings onto me as she cries harder; right then, I felt my own tears stinging my eyes, quivering for an escape and free fall to my cold cheeks.
"Don't...don't cry, baby...it's gonna be alright...remember, we're in this together..."
She simply nodded against my chest as I held her tighter. This woman was taking me through a whirlwind of emotions lately.
As I sit here and think about last night I can't help but get the feeling that it was all a ploy, a lie to calm me. But I will not remain calm, I'm not going to let go of her that easily. If Nick wants her that badly he can try with all his might to take her from me but he will not suceed.
So I did the only thing I could think of, I called the one person who might be able to knock some sense into her...that is if she's willing to help. I picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number, she answered after the first ring.
"Hello...?"
"Krissie it's me...I need your help..."
Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter is told in Brian's POV.
