I sighed as I pulled into the driveway and shut the car off I saw Brian standing in the doorway awaiting my arrival and I couldn't help but smile. I was so lucky to have a man as caring as him but lord knows I didn't deserve anything I had, not by a long shot. I got out of the car and shut the door and made my way up to my waiting husband. "Well...what did he say...?" "He said it's not the flu but he did recommend I take it easy just in case it's something worse..." I saw the way he was looking at me and instantly recognized that look, he knew something was bothering me. "You okay? You look like somethings bothering you..." I smiled "I'm fine just a little worn out is all. I think I'll go lay down for a little while..." He grabbed my hand and led me into the house, he closed the door then proceeded to lead me upstairs. He opened the door to our bedroom and ushered me in, he pulled me close and looked down at me "If somethings bothering you, you can tell me..."
I wasn't really in the mood to talk so I did what I always did when I was trying to avoid something, I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled against his chest. I smiled as he held me back I had to admit this felt nice and right then it was just what I needed. "Can you just hold me?" I heard his soft voice from above me "Of course sweetheart..." He always knew what to say to make me feel better it was one of the things that made me fall for him in the beginning. Sometimes I wondered what might have been if I hadn't held onto Nick for so long. I still wasn't so sure about telling Nick so for now I'll just let it take it's course and hope for the best. But for now I was enjoying the attention my husband was showing me.
Ever since that fateful trip to the doctors office Brian and I have made quite a bit of progress. He was learning to trust me again and I was learning to love him again. Everything just seemed right. That night as we lay snuggled together in our bed an idea came to me, something I was wrong for thinking but hoping would work. Maybe if I could play it so I 'suddenly' popped up pregnant he would think they were his, but believe it or not I didn't want to lie to him. I was so tired of lying maybe things wouldn't be so bad and it's not like Nick had tried to contact me since that day I left him on his porch. But could Brian love another mans children? Even if those children belonged to someone he despised? I was willing to take that chance and he had to know that me getting pregnant was a possibility, right? I sighed as I snuggled against him more, I felt his hand softly rubbing my back which caused me to smile. It'd been so long since we lay together like this it really took me back to when we first got married, what was wrong with me? Was I falling for him again? I leaned my head back and looked up at him just admiring the way he looked right then.
Then that's when I realized that I did love him. This was different than when I was with Nick though, with him I got butterflies in my stomach but with Brian his every touch, every word had me going crazy. That was love and I was finally getting what Krissie had said about Nick just being a phase, a crush, an infatuation.
I didn't think about what I was going to do I couldn't do that to him, I just couldn't. I was hoping luck would be on my side just this once. As I made my way downstairs and I could hear Brian's voice but who was he talking to? I peeked my head into the room and saw him sitting in the chair the phone to his ear. "Oh us? We're doing good...at least I hope so..." "You hope so? Brian what has she done now?" "Nothing...not that I know of...but I can't help but think that she's hiding something, like there's something she knows that I don't..." "Huh. Well why don't you ask her?" "I don't want her to think I'm prying..." "She's your wife you have every right to pry and after what she's done..." "Krissie please..." "I'm sorry but she doesn't deserve you, she never did. That's how I feel." "I know and you have every right to be angry at her but I love her and she needs me, I can't let her fall into his grasp again..." "It's not your place, not anymore. She hurt you in the worst way and I don't understand why your still with her." "She loves me I know she does I just have to work a little harder to ge ther to open up is all..." "Good luck with that. If you need anything me and Howie are only a phone call away..." "I know and I appreciate it, thank you..." "No problem, listen I gotta get going...call me back if you get any info ok?" "Can do, bye Kris."
I watched as he hung up the phone then leaned forwrad and ran his hands over his face. I had to tell him even if that meant we were really done I had to. I decided then to make myself known. I walked into the room and sat down on the couch, he looked up when he heard me. "Hey baby..." "Hey..." I looked down at the couch not quite sure how to approach the subject. "I overheard you talking to Krissie..." He raised an eyebrow "Oh?" "Yeah, but I wasn't eavesdropping, not exactly..." "So you heard us talking, was there something you wanted to tell me?" I took a deep breath and lifted my head up and looked over at him about to tell him my secret but the words just wouldn't come out. The look on his face was enough to break my heart, there was no way that he could ever know that I was carrying Nick's babies. That would certainly be the end of him. I heard him softly say my name and I felt his hand on mine, I looked down at our hands then up at him.
"She's right. I don't deserve you." "What? Don't you say that." "But it's true all I ever do is hurt you and it's killing me, I just...I'm trying to move past all this but it's hard." "How is it hard? All you have to do is let go of him. Please Deanna just let go before it's too late." "You'll help me, won't you...?" He smiled then squeezing my hand that was still in his "I'll do whatever it takes." "And for the record I do love you maybe not the way I should but I'm getting there. Don't give up on me." "I'm not ever going to give up on you, the vows I took the day we got married emant something to me it still does. I promised to love you and be by your side through anything come hell or high water and that's what I'm going to do. I'm not letting you go without a fight." I reached up and softly touched his face "Thank you for not giving up on me..." He kissed my hand and pulled me close, I instinctively snuggled against his chest and couldn't help but smile. I was so lucky to have someone as loving and caring as Brian and I was going to make it up to him no matter what.
Got a million reasons to run and hide
I don't blame you for being scared, for being scared, no
Write a novel on all the pain that he's caused you baby
I'm fully aware, I'm fully aware
If I could change the storys ending to me and you
Don't know the meaning of pretending of what to do
I can be the one
Give you all the love
Forget what he has done to you I'm here now
Open up to me
Love will set you free
If ever you believe
Then please believe in me
This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us
Let the world know baby, This is us
This Is Us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us
Let the world know baby, This is us
I know everything isn't meant to last
Box up all those photographs
Your moving on, yeah
I could flip back over that hourglass
And refill the better half, the better half
And it's a miracle how broken hearts can mend
Won't you dry up all those teardrops and start again
I can be the one
Give you all the love
Forget what he has done to you I'm here now
Open up to me
Love will set you free
If ever you believe
Then please believe in me
This Is Us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us
Let the world know baby, This is us
This Is Us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us
Let the world know baby, This is us
If I can show you there's no risk in being left alone
Would you let your past go?
I'll take it slow cause there's no need to rush
When I know...
I can be the one
Give you all the love
Forget what he has done to you I'm here now
Open up to me
Love will set you free
If ever you believe
Then please believe in me
This Is Us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us
Let the world know baby, This is us
This Is Us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us, This is us
Let the world know baby, This is us
Song and Lyrics: Backstreet Boys, This Is Us
