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I have surprised myself. No really I have well...I guess I have seeing as I've only thought of Nick twice maybe three times since the whole thing went down with Brian. I can't help thinking about him. At one point in time he was my everything, and now he wasn't and I had to face facts. Only problem was I didn't want to. Nobody knew the pain I went through when he left me it was like someone pulled out my heart and stomped on it and I can't for the life of me remember ever having been that upset. With two little words he sent my world crashing to the ground, and because of it my heart was in peices well beyond repair. I know Krissie will have a fit if I tell her that I've been thinking of him again. She would probably go into one of her rants about how he was bad for me and blah, blah, blah...whatever how did anyone know what was best for me? They weren't me were they? No they weren't.

I got up off the couch and went upstairs walking by Chris's room to check on him, then made my way down to mine and Brian's room. I got on my hands and knees when I reached the bed and pulled out a box. I sat on the floor with my legs crossed as I pulled the lid off and dug inside. Hidden inside the box were pictures, letters, and postcards. All of them were from Nick when we were together. I kept everything as that one little reminder to myself that once upon a time he had loved me. I went through the pictures smiling at us together and the way he looked at me. I sighed...now he was looking at someone else like that, giving them the attention he had once given me. Brian was right I had to move one only problem was, how do I do that?

Brian went to see his cousin he's been very distant since that night and I can't say I blame him. He hardly ever came near me it was like we weren't even married, it felt like we were roommates. And I know that had to be killing him not being able to hold me and know for a fact that it was him I was thinking about. Kevin opened the door when he heard the knock "Hey cuz come on in." Brian walked past him into the living room as Kevin shut the door "Kristin here?" "Nah...she's out shopping with Krissie I think. So what brings you by? How are things with you and Dee?" Brian sighed as he sat on the couch opposite Kevin "Not good." "But I thought you two sorted everything out?" "We did or I thought we did. I still get the feeling that when she sees me she wishes I was him. I don't get it, why can't she love me like that?" "Well they did have quite the history and with her being in that kind of relationship for so long, she probably doesn't know anything else." Brian looked down at his hands then back at Kevin "The first day things were fine but then she went right back to the way she was, I can't even go near her anymore. It makes my stomach churn knowing that she still loves and wants to be with that asshole. It's like we're not even married, just living together." "I'm sorry Brian." "It's not your fault if anybody should be blamed it's Nick he's the reason she's like this. I miss the old Deanna ya know?" "Me too I remember when Nick first introduced us to her she was so full of life and laughed all the time. She doesn't even do that anymore." "She claims she has no reason to be happy. What about me and Chris? Are we just temporary until Nick decides he wants to be with her?"

Kevin watched as his cousin dropped his head into his hands and groaned. He felt so sorry for him he loved Deanna since the beginning but she insisted on staying with someone who kept hurting her, when she deserved so much better. "I guess all we can do now is hope and pray she comes around." "I wish I could just sit around and wait but I can't, I'm not gonna keep playing this waiting guessing game with her I can't take it. She needs to make a decision and fast." "Then you need to tell her that, tell her your tired of playing mind games." "I've tried but every time I have I stop myself because I would feel so bad if she chose Nick over me. I don't think I could take that." Kevin sat next to his cousin and put his arm around his shoulders. "Nobody said it was gonna be easy but if your tired of the way she's acting you have to say something." Brian sighed again "I know. I guess there's only one way to find out huh?" Kevin smiled "If you need someone to talk to I'm always here Bri you know that." Brian looked at his cousin and smiled "I know thanks Kev." He got up off the sofa and made his way to the door with Kevin trailing behind him.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Nick sat in his studio, tonight would have been his honeymoon but no Deanna had to come and ruin everything. Well not really he did still care for her after all she had put up with all the stupid shit he's done. Jess was just a phase with whom he almost made a huge mistake. He took the hedphones off and rubbed his temples, everything was so frustrating. He thought he was over her but everytime she happened to show up on his doorstep all he wanted to do was hold her close and never let go. But she was with Brian now, he wondered if she was happy with him. She couldn't be if she kept running back to him. He wasn't about to break up a family though. He got up and turned the light off before leaving the room. He ran his hands through his hair as he walked down the hallway thinking of what he was gonna do. Maybe he could stop by and see her and hope Brian wasn't there. But what good would that do? He did tell her to go home and she didn't wanna leave. 'Face it you are so screwed' he said to himself as he made it to the living room.

I put the box back under the bed and got up off the floor leaving the room. I walked into the nursery to find Chris awake and picked him up as he softly cried. "It's alright Mommy's here," I whispered as I walked the room with him till he calmed down. I looked down to see him sound asleep again I wasn't even thinking about him in all of this. I was only thinking of myself, but if it wasn't for getting with Brian Chris wouldn't be here and for that I loved Brian for, for giving me something Nick never wanted.