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Act Six

(We find Paris in his mansion looking into his 9 feet bathroom mirror. He had a purple comb in hand, and he was humming “Shake Your Bom Bom” by Ricky Martin, while moving from side to side. He wore nothing but a towel, but he didn't care. If he was in a towel, he thought to himself, he would still look CRAZEE SEXEE!! (Don't ask where he got that from. He paid us to say it.)
Anyway, he starts to comb his long and curly locks, and flashed a shit eating grin.

Paris: Mirror, Mirror on the wall....Jean Claude Van—DAMN don't I have it all?! WHOO! Ow, hurt me...

(Paris looked around the mansion of a bathroom to see if anyone else was around: he takes off his towel, and looks down.

Paris: Why, hello there, Li'l Chico. Ready for the big night, eh? Heh heh, I know I am...tonight, I'mma get me some Capulet tail...That decadent little flower can't resist my Latin charm...Soon, my sweet Julietta...you will be mine...mine forever...

(Meanwhile, we find Friar Littrell sitting at one of the pews, strumming solemn notes on his guitar. He wanted to be a rockstar, but God was his true calling. Suddenly, he wasn't alone. He turned around to see Juliet walking towards him.)

Juliet: Kind Friar...

Friar: Ahh, miss Juliet, how art thou?

Juliet: I'm great, and you?

Friar: Eh, couldn't be better. Just sittin' on the dock of the bay. Wastin' time.

Juliet: Um...yeah.

Friar: How may I help you?

Juliet: Sir, you are my only hope. I need you...

Friar: Um...let me lock the doors, grab the wine chillin' in the freezer, and--

Juliet: No no...I mean, I need your help. You see, I'm 'destined' to marry someone I don't love, and my heart and virtue already chose Romeo. So, I was wondering if you had a solution?

Friar: So you two can live forever in harmony?

Juliet: yes, Sir.

Friar: Alright. I have one thing that you can try.

(He led Juliet to a white cabinet full of medicines. He took out a purple vial, and hands it to her.)

Friar: Drink this, and you'll be in a 2 day slumber.

Juliet: Whoa, wait a minute...drugs?

Friar: Trust me, Juliet, this will help you with your problems, I promise. All you have to do is take one drop of the elixir, and you will go into a deep slumber for 48 hours.

Juliet: Um...I don't get this shit: how is this going to reunite me with my love?

Friar: I wasn't finished. Now, this is my scenario: You tell your father that you will give Paris your hand in marriage, and--

Juliet: Wait, how did you know it was Paris?

Friar: My child, that boy is a flamboyant billboard. Anyway, You tell them that you will marry Paris. That night, you go to your room, and make sure you have NO visitors. You take the vial out, and drink some of it. Within minutes, you will fall into a deep sleep. Your family will then find your 'dead' body, and will place you into the Capulet Tomb that's chockful of your ancestors.

Juliet: ......ok.

Friar: I will send Romeo an email on the 46th hour so he can go into the tomb, and get there in time to see you awaken. Then, you two will flee New York and have your happily ever after.

Juliet: that's a great idea!

Friar: I know.

Juliet: Don't get conceited, Friar Littrell.

Friar: Forgive me, Ma'am.

(Just then, Sister Agatha Marie walks over to the Friar of the church.)

Sister: Have any of the wafers and rosaries come through shipment yet?

(The friar walks up to her, placing his hands upon her shoulders.)

Friar: I'm afraid they haven't, Sister Agatha Marie. When they do come, you will be the first to know. Ok?

(Lost in his blue gaze, she lightly nods, and walks away fanning herself with her habit.)

Friar: That happens every day.

Juliet: Yeah yeah...I have to go now...I must rest, and awaken for my beloved!

(Juliet darts out of the church, and down towards her home.)

(Benny and Mariah are in the back of his 'benzo', smoking and drinking a 40 ounce.)

Benny: Now, ain't this livin', baby?

Mariah: (takes another swig) Benny Baby...you don't know the half of it...you've shown me things I've never seen...and I thank you for that...you so wiiiiiiise.....

Benny: And ye' kno' dis! (He pulls her close, and kisses her passionately.)

Benny: Will you be my boo, fo' life?

Mariah: Yezzir...

(They snuggle against one another, and look up at the sky.)

(Juliet walks into her house, and sees her Mother, Father and Paris sitting on the couch.)

Juliet: Ahh...just the people that I want to see...

Father: What is it, sweetheart? Have you made up your mind?

Juliet: Yes, I have. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I've been on my period. You know how that is, right, Mother?

Mother: Absolutely.

Juliet: Anyway...I've made up my mind, and I really REALLY want to marry Paris.

(Paris, yet again, flashes another shit eating grin towards his 'future wife'.)

Paris: My...my heart is pounding, baby...Come to Big Pari...

(Nauseated, Juliet walks over to him, and sits on his lap.)

Juliet: I think me and Paris would like to be alone for a moment...

(Humming “We're In the Money”, her parents leave the room, closing the door.)

Juliet: I thought they'd never leave...now...what should we do at the honeymoon, husband?

Paris: What should we do?! Well, Love...we should...

(he whispers sweet, yet sexual quotes into her ears, then nips it.)

Juliet: Ahh...heh heh...yes...that's very lovely...

Paris: Do you want me to go fast like a JACKHAMMER? Or soft, and cuddly, like a cute, innocent bunny...?

Juliet: You decide. I want to please you...(whispers in his ear) ALL of you...

(Paris shifted in his seat, trying to hide his painful hard-on entrapped within his blue jeans.)

Paris: LETSSKIPTHEWEDDINGANDFUCKRIGHTHERERIGHTNOW!

Juliet: Oh no no no...too soon. In three days, you will have me. Deal?

Paris: NOW!

Juliet: (she slips off his lap, and walks upstairs.)

Paris: Must you leave me unsatisfied??

Juliet: Three days...

(Paris gets on his knees, and begs for her to make love to him before the wedding, but she refused and walked all the way upstairs. He got up, and walked to the door, looking down at his hardness.)

Paris: Well, it's just me and my hand tonight...

(He opens the door, and leaves out.)

It is Midnight, and Juliet gets ready for bed. She takes out her vial, and sits on the bed, clasping it in her little hand. She pops the cap open, and sniffs it.

Juliet: oooh. MangoBerry. God, give me strength. Please reunite me with my beloved Romy after the 48th hour...please....

(Slowly and surely, she drinks half of the vial as the Friar prescribed, and laid back on the bed. She closes her eyes, and drifts off to sleep...a deep, death like...sleep.)