"Measure Of A Man"
Written by Sara (goneplatinum@live.com)
January, 2009
He was a complete mess, both inside and out. Nick sat in the waiting room, surrounded by his friends and a few family members, impatiently shaking his foot and tapping the arm of the chair. The minutes seem like hours and the hours seemed like eternity while they slowly passed by.
"Dude, you need to take a Ritalin or something to calm your ass down," AJ said, placing a calming hand down on Nick's.
Nick shot a confused look at his friend as his realm of insanity was interrupted for a brief second. He scowled and jerked away from AJ. "I'm fine."
He was annoyed that people kept telling him to calm down. How could he calm down? This day was different from the others. More chances were being taken. Jill was due to come off the ventilator in a little less than an hour. The doctor had explained the whole situation to Nick earlier in the day. Jill's condition had improved greatly and they felt it was time she was taken off the vent to get her back to breathing on her own. Complications could arise but the doctor highly doubted it and was very confident in Jill's recovery.
Nick, on the other hand, was worried beyond belief. He trusted the doctor and he could tell that Jill looked much better than a day or two ago but the ‘what if's’ still raced through his mind. He tried to stay positive, to have faith, but the possibility of anything going wrong was more than enough to make his stomach go clear south.
All he wanted was to have Jill back in his arms where she belonged. For all the bruising and tearing to be wiped clean from her perfect, angelic face. For her to open her eyes, flash that soul shattering smile, and hold him until he couldn't breathe anymore. She was his other half. The yin to his yang. She made him complete and without her he was an empty husk of a man.
But to get there they had to take Jill off the ventilator, and the waiting was absolutely excruciating. Nick let out a low groan and rose to his feet, staring at the clock as he willed the hands to go by faster. This was taking forever and with every second that passed by he was growing more and more nervous. What's taking them so long?
He began to pace the length of the room, cracking and bending his fingers nervously. He'd seen episodes of ER and Grey's Anatomy before. He hated watching medical shows but he'd watched enough of them to know that this kind of thing could go into the shitter at any given moment. He paced for a long while, his family and friends knowing better than to interrupt, as he tried to keep himself positive.
He barely looked up as the waiting room door opened and Corinne stepped in. "Nick? The doctor is here, and we're ready."
Nick swallowed thickly and ran a shaky hand through his hair, feeling as though he were on his way to his own execution. He was nervous beyond belief and the most scared he'd ever been in his life. He glanced over at Brian who gave him a hopeful smile and nodded.
"You okay, Nicky?" AJ asked, his voice laced with concern.
Despite the anguish tearing through his stomach and the impulse to scream until he passed out, Nick nodded and took a deep breath. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. He took a hesitant step toward the door and banished those thoughts from his mind. He was going to be there for his Jill no matter how scared he was. Lifting his chin and straightening his shoulders, he followed the nurse.
Everything had been explained to him earlier in the day when the doctor had made the decision to take Jill off the ventilator. She had become slightly agitated when she had shown signs of fighting the sedation. Normally, the doctors wouldn't allow any kind of visitors in the room while they were performing this type of procedure, but the doc had felt it would be more beneficial if Nick were there. His presence was to help calm Jill down if she became worked up at all and in general to help the process go by a lot smoother.
Inside Jill's room stood a fleet of random medical personnel from nurses to students to doctors. Nick got another brief summary of the procedure as a whole. Most of the terminology went right over his head as he kept his eyes focused directly on Jill. Her eyelids were fluttering and his nerves settled a little at the small motion. Standing out of the way, he wrapped Jill's hand in both of his as he stared intently down at her face.
"She may fight the tube, so if that does occur, please don't be alarmed," the doctor said as he filled up a plastic syringe with water. He then put the tip of the syringe up to a small tube that branched off the ventilator tubing and injected the solution.
Nick bit his lip as he studied Jill's face. Her eyelashes kept fluttering and suddenly her mouth twitched. Nick's stomach dropped and he gasped as Jill's eyes suddenly snapped open, unfocused as they zipped from side to side in panic.
"Jill, listen to me. I need you to blow as hard as you can," instructed the doctor. "Blow like you're celebrating a birthday and you want to blow all the candles out."
Nick watched as Jill's eyes bounce around and around until they landed on him. His heart leapt as he was caught by her piercing blue gaze. He pressed his lips tightly to her hand, his gaze never leaving hers, as he whispered, "C'mon, baby, you can do it."
Jill blinked at the strange man next to her bed and pursed her lips around the tube. She tried to blow like they told her but a surge of pain flooded through her body. She squeezed her eyes shut as wave upon constant wave beat against her like the high tide of the ocean. Her body went rigid as a sense of total and complete fear gripped her heart and began to squeeze like a vice.
"Jill, I need you to blow out the candles," came a commanding voice.
She opened her eyes, her vision swimming with tears, and tried to concentrate on the faces before her but they only looked like giant blobs. She blinked rapidly, trying to focus, but…she hurt. She hurt a lot.
"Jilly, baby, come on… you're so close," said another voice, this one more familiar. She turned her head, and the wavy figures focused on to the face of her beloved. Nick.
"You can do this," he said, voice choked and laced with hope.
Despite the excruciating pain, Jill took as deep a breath as she could and exhaled hard. She felt as if the contents of her entire body were being pulled up through her throat. Her eyes went wide as the tube finally popped free of her mouth. She took a deep, raking breath and the air rushed back into her lungs. She coughed, over and over again, as her heartbeat throbbed in time with the pounding in her head.
Nick buried his face against his hands clasping hers and sobbed gratefully. She'd done it. She was okay. His Jilly was okay! He swallowed thickly and looked up, tears streaming down his face as he stared up at Jill. "Welcome back," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the palm of her hand. "God, I thought this day would never come."
Jill opened her mouth to speak but the doctor quickly pressed his finger to her chapped lips and shook his head. "No, don't try to speak just yet. Give your vocal chords some time to get used to the tube not being there."
Jill frowned at the doctor and turned her gaze to Nick. She smiled, her face aching with the effort. Nick let out a clipped gasp and grinned as he pressed kisses to her palm and cradled her cheek with his hand. All he could do was murmur words of encouragement and love against her palm as his emotions took over.
After checking the settings on the heart monitor and various other machines, the doctor smiled in approval and put an oxygen mask over Jill's face. "Keep this on, young lady, for at least the next couple of hours." He turned to Nick, who was grinning like the Chesire Cat, and instructed, "If she becomes short of breath or anything, get one of the staff immediately."
Nick nodded numbly. The doctor smiled again and gave Jill's uninjured leg a soft pat before exiting the room, the fleet of students and other doctors close behind. One nurse remained and Jill waved to get Nick's attention. She pointed at her leg and then at the nurse who's back was turned to them.
"Um… I think Jilly's in pain," Nick squeaked, his hand still firmly wrapped around Jill's.
Corinne turned and smiled. "We can remedy that no problem." She went over to one of the many machines near the bed and pressed a button. "This is her pain medication. It's a morphine drip that's set to release whenever this button is pushed but it can only be activated a few times throughout the hour before it automatically shuts off. Push it when she's in pain and I'll be back when it's ready to be changed, okay?"
Nick nodded again, grinning widely. "Thank you, Corinne. Thank you so much!"
Corinne smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "You're welcome." She turned to Jill who stared up at her blankly and offered a soft, reassuring smile. "It's going to be okay, sweetie, you've got yourself one hell of a man taking care of you."
Jill nodded in response and gave a small smile to the strange woman. Her body, once rigid with pain, took on a new sensation, a somewhat odd and tingly feeling. Then, as if a balloon had been punctured and the air slowly leaked out, Jill's tense muscles became limp against the bed. Her world became fuzzy once again and her eyelids dropped, blessed sleep overtaking her body once more.
Nick looked on as the young nurse left the room, his emotions still running rampant. His eyes settled back on Jill and he couldn't help the small snort when a soft snore escaped from her full lips. Carefully he set Jill's hand down and stretched, muscles and bones creaking. He yawned, eyes drooping slightly, and he grinned gratefully. Finally, he would be able to get a decent night's sleep now that he knew Jill would be okay.
Jill stirred and she hummed softly. She opened her eyes, still slightly bleary, and smiled softly over at Nick. "Come up here with me," she croaked, voice rough and hoarse from the after affects of the tube. She patted a spot next to her and tried to scoot her bottom over but she stopped as a few twinges of pain radiated through her mangled leg.
Nick toed his shoes off and lifted back the light blanket to slide between the cool white sheets. The bed was more than big enough for his large body and he turned to lay on his side next to Jill, wrapping his legs around her uninjured one possessively. He laid his head inches away from Jill's and reached up to brush the back of his knuckles across her cheek, careful not to dislodge the oxygen mask.
Jill's eyelids slid shut once more and she mumbled sleepily, "I love you, Nick."
Nick smiled and carefully whisked a few stray curls from her face, tucking them behind her ear. He ran his hand down her neck, fingers skimming over her soft skin, to lay across her heart. He closed his eyes and listened as her heartbeat thumped against the palm of his hand. He pressed a feather light kiss to her forehead and whispered against her soft skin, "I love you too, baby. I love you too."
Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter is a bit longer, because I couldn't bear to chop it up into more than one piece. Thank you so very much for all the reviews!
