Sunday morning I took Daisy for a walk on the beach. She was leashed this time so there’d be no running off to go find lover boy. The sun was warm, but a cool breeze was blowing in from the water and I was glad I wore a light jacket. Daisy and I didn’t walk the beach too often; she would get distracted too easily with the sea gulls, waves and sand creatures. We’d often end up taking half the beach home with us. But today I wanted the solitude I knew the private oceanfront would provide us with. I wanted time to think; about the date, my parents … Hugh.

After telling my mother good-night and hanging up, I had collected Daisy and retired to the bedroom. A nice hot shower had provided me with the solace I needed to have a good cry. It was hard not having seen my parents since the move and they so desperately wanted to come visit… but I wasn’t sure how well I would handle it. I was going to have to think about it and gauge how I felt with things. I had taken my first baby step last night; maybe this could be another one.

Daisy gave a tug on the leash and I looked to see her burrowing her nose into the sand.

“You’re going to get yourself bit by a crab.” I chuckled and gently tugged her away.

She looked to me then wagged her tail and ran off towards the water’s edge. She only got as far as the leash would let her.

Slowly, we made our way along the sand. I watched the waves as they gently moved up onto the beach, as if gently kissing it. Daisy didn’t seem to be paying any attention to the beauty of it all as she ran here or there, tried to jump at the waves a little farther out, sniffed at a shell or stuck her nose into a hole. It was precious; how unabashed about life she was. I was beginning to wish I could have her carefree and happy-go-lucky attitude. It must be easy to be a dog.

Lifting a brow at being envious over Daisy’s attitude, I perched myself onto a large piece of driftwood, looping the handle of the leash up and to my elbow, allowing the chocolate Lab a little more room to explore. I watched her as she began to make herself familiar with the wood I was sitting on. Thankfully she didn’t mark her territory and moved on to explore something else. With a sigh, I stretched my legs out and watched the waves cresting. There were many days I felt like the ocean; angry waves and dark waters, many hidden and unknown regions. That was my life. Or what had become my life.

Why had things taken the turn they had? What had I done to deserve this? Those questions had burned my mind for nearly two years and the answers weren’t becoming any clearer now then they’d been the night of Hugh’s death. I didn’t know why the universe had decided to shaft me and leave me alone and terribly afraid. I thought moving to California would help me; starting over and getting away from everything that had been us. But nearly two years later I had gone on my first date and didn’t feel any better, or different.

It made my heart ache.

I longed for Hugh; longed for that safety and warmth. For the love that we used to share, the passion that was in our souls. And I didn’t understand why he had been taken away. Why him? Why me? And why couldn’t I find happiness again? That’s all I wanted; to feel at peace and be happy. I deserved that. Two years of pain, having my world crumble around me, trying to move on with my life when there was so much holding me back. How does one overcome all that?

Just then something white filled my vision and I blinked, jerking back and turning to see a man standing next to me, offering me a handkerchief.

He noted the expression on my face and gestured with the white cloth. “Go ahead, it’s clean.”

I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying. Embarrassment flushed my cheeks and I took it, wiping the tears and clearing my throat.

Daisy trotted over as the newcomer joined me on the driftwood, sniffing at his jean clad legs. She let him gently pat her head as she checked him out then suddenly tried to climb up in his lap.

I blinked and pulled her down. “Daisy!”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He gave a chuckle and brushed some sand off. “She’s just saying hello, aren’t you?” His hand affectionately rubbed behind her ears and her tail thwapped against the sand.

I smoothed the kerchief between my fingers and watched as my dog wallowed in the attention from this man. A black cap was pulled low on his head, wisps of dark hair peeking from beneath. He wore blue jacket made from a light material, the collar turned up to keep the wind from his face. He had a neatly trimmed beard that covered just his chin then lined his jaw up to his ears. But what I took most notice of were the tattoos on his hands. He wasn’t holding them still enough for me to make out what they were exactly, but I could see they adorned his fingers and the back of his hands. Peeking to his body, I wondered if he had any more hidden away.

Daisy finally turned her attention elsewhere and was back off exploring again. I watched her trying to catch a sandpiper before feeling his gaze on me.

Turning my head, I was met with round, deep and tender, dark eyes. Something twitched in my chest and I had to take a breath.

“It’s not very often I come across women sitting on driftwood, crying.” His voice was husky and smooth.

A blush tinged my cheeks. “I… don’t do this often.”

“Hey, no need to explain to me. You can sit out here and cry to your heart’s content.”

I watched the handkerchief in my hands. “Thank you.”

“Tears are a good way to cleanse the soul.” He was looking out at the water. “Though, so is laughter.”

“I don’t have anything to laugh about.”

“Everyone should have something to laugh about.”

I shook my head. “Not me.”

He was watching me again, those eyes penetrating my soul almost. “The glass is always half empty, huh?”

I couldn’t meet his gaze. “It didn’t used to be.”

Beside us, Daisy was digging a hole.

“Well,” he gave a little shrug. “Maybe you need a new glass.”

I looked to him, biting back the urge to snap at him and tell him he does not know what I need. Instead, when those eyes met mine, something in my chest twitched again and I tore my gaze from his.

“I made you angry.” He touched my elbow.

I shook my head, biting my cheek to keep the tears at bay.

“I did. I apologize.”

I nodded and wiped at my eyes with the kerchief again.

He was quiet, and for a moment I wondered if he had left. Glancing his way, our eyes met again and he smiled.

I felt something stirring inside of me at his friendly expression and warming grin. Maybe he was an angel sent down to give me solace and comfort. Then my eyes fell to his tattooed hands again. Did angles have tattoos? “Are… you real?”

“What else would I be?”

A shrug. “An angel.” Then feeling silly for suggesting such a thing, I quickly added. “Or a ghost… or something.”

“I could be a vampire.”

“No,” I shook my head, watching him again. “The sun is shining.”

“Ooh, good point.” He chuckled low. “Maybe I’m a daywalker.”

“Do they have those?”

“Hell, I have no idea.”

Did angels cuss?

He sent me a lopsided grin and offered his arm. “I’m very real.”

I wanted to touch him, to make sure for myself. But I didn’t. “I believe you.”

“Do you really?”

My eyes searched his face and I had to look away before I fell into his own eyes. “I do. There aren’t such things as vampires, or daywalkers … I don’t even think ghosts exist.”

“But angels?”

“Not anymore.”

“Ouch.”

I didn’t look his way, I didn’t want to see him judging me, or thinking he knew what was going on in my life. Instead, I held the kerchief out in his direction.

He rose from his spot and I kept my eyes trained on my knees. “Keep it.”

Giving a nod, I lowered it to my lap again, fiddling with the edges.

I could feel his presence next to me. “Someone once told me…‘The tears upon your face are there to remind you that you’re still alive.’.”

His words filled my head and I clutched the kerchief a little tighter. Could this guy be related to Dianna? She would often sprout off proverbs herself. Wetting my lips, I turned to ask him his name and found the spot empty. I glanced to my right, back to the left… then behind me and all around, but he was nowhere. How strange. People just didn’t disappear into thin air. I could feel my pulse pick up and a shiver ran down my spine. Maybe he wasn’t just a person.

~*~*~*~*~

I couldn’t stop thinking about my mysterious visitor on the beach all week long. His words kept repeating over and over in my head; ’maybe you need a new glass.’. A new glass wouldn’t solve my problems though. Life is way too complicated for things to be changed and fixed so easily. And besides, how do you even go about obtaining something like that. It’s not like they’re just lying about for the taking. I knew it was a metaphoric statement but one can’t help but to assign materialism to it.

But it wasn’t just his simple, yet profound, statement that had me puzzled. It was the man himself; his odd appearance and even more strange disappearance. We had had a very strange encounter that left me with a feeling I couldn’t place. If I still believed in angels I would have insisted he was one. Could he have just been a figment of my imagination; my subconscious trying to tell me to buck up and get on with my life? Maybe so, but the white handkerchief lying atop my dresser really told me otherwise. He had been real.

I needed to stop obsessing.

It was Friday; nearly a week after my date and Andrew still hadn’t called me. I really didn’t want him to. Lying, having to make up excuses and reasons why we couldn’t get together again were not things I enjoyed. The more and more I thought about Andrew, the more and more I really did not want to see him again. He was a good guy; don’t get me wrong, but something inside was holding me back. Maybe it was Hugh, maybe it wasn’t … maybe it was me, maybe our connection. Gah, all this dating, and phone calls and starting over crap was already too much for me. I needed to stop trying and just …be.

’Maybe you need a new glass.’

Maybe I needed a hole to hide away in.

“What has got you so frowny?”

I looked over to find my neighbor joining me on my back patio. It was the middle of the afternoon and the sun was high in the sky, warming everything it touched.

“Hey, Dianna.”

“Hey yourself, Grumpy Smurf.”

“I’m not grumpy.”

“Well, you’re certainly not Little Miss Sunshine.”

“Do you really expect me to be?” I watched her with an exasperated expression.

She watched me with those coffee colored eyes before rubbing the middle of her forehead. “No, I suppose not.”

I gave a nod and stared out at the water.

We were both silent; me lost in my thoughts and her … well who knew what was going through Dianna’s head. It could be anything, from contemplating World Peace to what she was going to serve with the roasted chicken she was making for dinner.

“I’m sorry.”

I tore my eyes away from the blue and met her gaze.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated again. “You .. you’re going through something very difficult and I’m over here trying to force you to just… be happy again.”

I didn’t reply, just watched her unwavering.

“I’ve never lost a husband. I don’t know…how the healing process is supposed to go.”

“I…don’t know either.” I had to force the words around the lump in my throat.

She gave a little nod then reached over and took my hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know…” It was barely a whisper. Quickly, I brushed away the tear that ran down my cheek.

She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

More tears blurred my vision and I wiped them away, drying my hands on my jeans. “I..I’m sorry..” My voice cracked.

“Don’t apologize.” She sat sideways on the chair, facing me. “Honey, you are the last person on this earth that has anything to apologize about.”

“I feel stupid for crying.”

“It’s healthy to cry.”

“Someone…” I cleared my throat and took a little breath. “Someone told me that … they remind you that you’re still alive.”

“That’s a very wise statement.” She stood and moved into the house, returning with a box of tissues. “The anniversary is coming up, isn’t it?” She questioned once she had taken her seat again.

I wiped my eyes and nose with the kleenex. “Next month.”

“You could fly back home. Go visit his grave.”

Her words made a chill race down my spine and I quickly shook my head, a panic seizing my chest. That was the very last thing I wanted to do. I could not face that headstone ever again.

“Hey… hey, it’s okay.” She reached over and rubbed my arm.

“I… I can’t.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to.”

The panic slowly eased away as she calmed me.

“How ‘bout you come over for dinner? I’ll send Manuel off somewhere and it’ll just be us.”

“Okay.”

She offered up her friendly smile. “Good. We can order some cheesy movie on TV as well, if you want.”

I nodded and gave a sniff. “That…sounds nice.”

“It will be.” Her hand squeezed my arm before releasing it.

We were quiet again and I began to regain my composure, feeling foolish for falling apart like that with her.

“Where’s Daisy?”

“Inside.” I gestured towards the house. “She wore herself out at the dog park this morning.”

“Wow, Daisy wore out? That’s a first.”

A chuckle slipped from my mouth and I gave a little nod. “I know right. She made friends with a Collie and the two raced each other around the entire time we were there.”

“She’s just making friends all over, isn’t she?” Dianna gave her own chuckle. “How’s her boy-er excuse me, dog-friend doing?”

I gave a little shrug. “They haven’t seen each other in awhile. I haven’t let her down to the beach.”

“Ooh, look at you; nipping that romance in the bud. Next thing you know she’ll be jumping the balcony and sneaking down there in the middle of the night.”

“She better not be.”

“You can’t stop true love.”

I looked her way. “Do you think dogs fall in love?”

“I’m sure they do. They definitely feel affection.” She waved her hand at me. “Look how she is towards you.”

“True.” I gave a little sigh and settled back more in the chair. “They grieve. She would just sit at the door for hours waiting for Hugh, the saddest expression on her face.”

“Then they have to fall in love. Or at least feel love.”

I didn’t respond to that, just watched the water again, the waves rolling in a bit higher. A storm was brewing.

“It’s too bad she’s fixed. She’d have the most adorable little puppies.”

I gave a low laugh. “Yeah, and all of them would be just as hyper and active as she is. The house would be insane. I’d be insane for allowing that to happen.”

“Maybe they’d take after their dad.”

A snort. “Fat chance. I think the hyper gene is the dominant one.”

“Maybe so.”

In the distance there was a low rumble of thunder.

“It’s gonna storm.”

I nodded.

“Gonna be a bad one.”

“How do you know?”

“Look at the swells, they’re angry and tumultuous.”

I looked, watching as the water began to crash to the shore in a bitter manner.

“Yup, gonna be a bad one.”

And I wondered if it matched the one inside me.

~*~*~*~*~

The storm came. The rain pounded, the wind shrieked, sending leaves and trash can lids scattering through the street. Lightning lit the entire sky, brighter than even the sunniest of days. And the thunder, so powerful and commanding, shook the house, rattling the windows and shaking shutters loose. Daisy hid under the kitchen table, whimpering and burrowing her nose beneath her paw. I had a flashlight sitting on the counter, and candles scattered about in case the electricity was cut off.

It was fierce, and every boom in the sky sent chills down my spine. I hated thunderstorms, maybe more than Daisy. But they brought my favorite part; that moment just after the rain has stopped and the earth is settling, when the sun is beginning to peek back through the clouds and the light catches the water, rainbows dancing all around. Those were the best times, I’d go outside barefoot, feeling the warm ground beneath my feet, watching as brilliant colors streaked the sky. Hugh called me a rainbow chaser. They were a beautiful part of life that needed no explanation. It’d been two years since I’d cared to see one.

A crack of thunder pierced through the howling wind and more lightning illuminated the sky, chasing away shadows for the single moment it was. I grabbed for the flashlight as the lights dimmed then flickered. I was hoping it wouldn’t go out. Last time the electricity had gone out; it wasn’t back on until the following afternoon. I didn’t want another hot, sleepless night. But they soon returned to their full strength and I relaxed.

Suddenly a loud crash came from the back of the house and I jerked, whirling towards the family room and staring at the patio doors, half expecting a madman in a mask wielding a knife to be standing there. But when more lightning streaked and lit up the backyard, the patio was vacant. Was probably just the wind. Letting out the breath I had been holding, I turned once more then gave a shriek as another loud boom sounded; something had hit the house. Maybe a loose tree branch.

Grabbing up the flashlight just in case, I crossed through to the family room and slowly eased my way to the doors, flipping on the exterior light and peeking towards where the noise had come from. A patio chair lay strewn across the yard, being slammed into the house with each gust of wind. If this kept up, it could come careening right through the glass. I’d just bring it inside.

I undid the locks and set the flashlight to the side then carefully slid the door open, feeling rain pelting my face as the wind blew it in every direction. Quickly, I darted outside, grabbing for the chair. It slipped from my fingers as the wind took it further from my reach.

My hair was now damp and being blown in my face. With a frustrated growl, I pushed it from my eyes and lunged for the chair again. My fingers gripped the arm and I turned, hauling it behind me as another gust of wind suddenly forced me back, nearly toppling me over. I caught myself, pushing forward and making my way towards the open doors, which Daisy was now coming out of.

“Daisy?” I blinked. She hated storms, why would she be venturing out into the midst of one?

She ignored me, and instead gave a sharp bark then ducked low to avoid the wind and took off across the backyard.

I watched her go, wondering if I was imagining it. Then realization suddenly sank in and I pushed the chair away, taking off after her. “Daisy! Get back here!” What if something happened and she fell off the cliff, or was swept out into the ocean? She was not that strong a swimmer, not in this kind of storm.

She either ignored me, or didn’t hear me, the wind carrying my voice off in a different direction. Instead, she pushed on and I saw her heading right for the wooden stairs, the streaks of lightning lighting the way. She disappeared down them and I struggled against the storm.

It took me a few moments longer, but I finally made it to the beach, the spray from the waves dousing me as they crashed angrily over the sand. It was too dark to see anything, and the few seconds I did have light were not enough to tell which way my dog had gone. I was soaked head to toe, my clothes sticking to my body, my hair plastered to my cheeks.

The wind continued to throw itself at me and I turned my back to it. Why was I out here in the middle of a storm trying to find Daisy? If she didn’t get herself hurt, then I probably would. I should just go back to the house and wait; she’d find her way back. That was the sensible thing to do, but I didn’t do that. Something wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t leave Daisy. I couldn’t lose Daisy. Giving an embittered growl, I struggled against the winds and rains, shouting for my dog and hoping she would hear me and come.

Another streak of lightning brightened the sky and I nearly screamed as the thunder cracked overhead, reverberating inside of me. The wind was picking up and sand burned my eyes, coating my face and mouth. That dog was in some big trouble once I did get her back to the house. Could dogs be grounded?

I turned against the wind again as it sent cold chills down my back. Leaves were being tossed around and one stuck to my head. “Daisy!” I called out again, hearing the wind swallow my words.

“Daisy!!”

All of a sudden, an explosion rocked me, pain filling my head. And then darkness ensued.