Relapse
They relapsed. Yes, I said they. I’m still in shock; I can’t believe this has happened. Not long ago I was over the moon, telling everyone how great Nick was doing; how he got his life straightened out. He was healthy and most of all sober. Now I suddenly feel like everything is about to come crashing down; again. And I never would have imagined AJ being caught in the middle of it all.
This was supposed to be their year, this was it! Everyone was on the same page, or so I thought. They were back in the studio and about to head out on yet another leg of the tour. They had so many plans and I was sure they were headed for another pedestal in their career. But as I sit here now and think of the future, I fear it’s not possible. And why? Because two members of the group just can’t seem to keep their heads in the right place. And I don’t understand why, after all they have been through and how far they have both come, they would jeopardize everything they have for a few shots of booze.
It was Nick’s 29th birthday. He told me he wanted to have more than one party to celebrate his last year in his twenties. I thought it was a great idea. He had come so far in the past couple years he deserved to have a good time. His management helped him set up a few parties in Canada; a place he always said he had a good time. The first party was the day after his actual birthday and I knew not many of his friends or family would be able to go so I decided to plan a surprise party for him at one of his favorite clubs in LA. I gathered some of his closest friends and family a couple days before his birthday and was thrilled to see the look on his face when he entered the club and realized what was going on. At that moment I couldn’t have asked for anything more. But as the nigh went on I could sense that something wasn’t right. I didn’t think twice about having the party at a club. Nick had been out plenty of times since getting clean and although he did have his bumps in the road at the beginning it had been a long time since he had had any problems. And of course AJ had been sober for over 6 years now so it never even crossed my mind that it would be an issue.
It was nearing eleven and obviously quite a few people were getting drunk. Everyone was having a great time but as I started mingling around I could hear people talking and what they were saying I did not want to hear. Rumors began circling that AJ was getting pretty wasted after taking some shots and enjoying some beers. I had talked to AJ when he first arrived earlier that night and he seemed like his same old self; glad to be out with his good friends. I had seen him a few times throughout the night and didn’t notice anything to cause me to worry but now I was. And as I pushed my way around the club trying desperately to locate AJ, an even bigger fear came to life before my eyes. I had arranged for an 80’s band to come play for Nick and he was having a blast hamming it up with them on stage all night. I could hear them talking to the crowd getting everyone hyped up and just as I spotted AJ sitting at the bar with a half empty bottle of beer in hand, I looked up to see Nick downing a shot someone had given him. I watched on in disbelief as both men threw away years in just one night.
I had hoped that Nick had only been caught up in the moment and it wouldn’t spiral out of control but I had no idea what had made AJ decide to drink again. AJ and I were friends, not like Nick and I, but close enough that I thought for sure I would have known if something was going on with him. I guess not because by the time I reached him he was already wasted. I knew I had to get him out of there; away from the alcohol and the people who were obviously no help at all. As I approached him I could see a sadness in his eyes I hadn’t noticed before. I felt so helpless as I sat beside him and for the first time realized how lost he looked. I said his name in a way that he must have known I was disappointed in him because before I could say anything else he was shaking his head and telling me he didn’t want to get into it. I didn’t want to make a scene either so I did the only thing I could think of, I called him a cab. He definitely was not driving himself home, I couldn’t leave because I still had to deal with Nick and I was not going to send him home with someone who had stood by all night watching him do this to himself. Luckily he didn’t argue but it wasn’t until we started to walk out of the club that I noticed how drunk he really was. He could hardly walk on his own; stumbling all over the place. I wanted so badly to know why he had done this but I knew it wasn’t the right time or place to try and hash things out. I made sure to let him know as he was getting in the cab that he would have to talk about it soon because he was not getting off that easy. As I watched his cab drive away my worried thoughts of AJ quickly turned back to Nick and I suddenly realized I had left him alone in the club after watching him take a shot.
As I re-entered the club I prayed that I wouldn’t walk in and find Nick with another drink in his hand. But I did. He was now sitting at our table, sipping on what looked to be like a rum and coke, with a bunch of people swarming around him. Between what had just happened with AJ and now Nick I was feeling so many emotions running through me. I was sad that it had gotten this far for AJ and no one had picked up it and I was angry he let it get so out of control without telling anyone. I was feeling the same things towards Nick except I was more mad because I had a feeling he knew exactly what he was doing and he was choosing not to stop. I knew he could see the anger in my eyes as I approached the table and he decided the best way to handle the situation was to pretend like I wasn’t there. Just like AJ he wasn’t getting off that easy. I pushed my way through the random people hoarding the table and once I was close enough I knew he could hear me I sternly told him we needed to talk. Thankfully he got the picture and we found a corner to get away from the crowd. I had hoped he was going to say something to explain himself but instead he stood there with his arms crossed looking at me like he had done nothing wrong, waiting for me to say something. I couldn’t believe he was going to try and brush off what had just happened like it was nothing. It was so much more than nothing, it was his life!
After finally convincing him that it was time to go we began to make our way out of the club. As we made our way to the waiting cars he was taken off guard when I got into his car instead of mine. There was no way I was letting him off that easy tonight, he wasn’t drunk enough to not be able to talk to me. I could get my car later, this was more important. He was quiet the whole way to his place and I knew when I looked over at him starring out the window that the extent of his actions were starting to catch up with him. After the cab dropped us off and we made our way inside it felt like forever that we didn’t talk. I wanted him to make the first move so I waited at the kitchen island with a coffee in hand while he moved around the house. Finally just as I was giving up and about to leave he grabbed my arm and whispered “I’m sorry”. I knew he was sorry, that’s why he wouldn’t say anything. If he felt like he had done nothing wrong we would have been in a full on screaming match by now; I wanted to know why he did it. He finally opened up; that he got weak and he couldn’t resist anymore. It was too much being onstage in front of all those people, egging him on. He felt like he deserved it because it was his birthday and he felt like it was okay to drink every once in a while; that he could control it. But then he realized that even one drink can lead to more and caused him spiral. I was glad he had come to terms with what his actions meant but in that moment I came to my own realization; that Nick will always struggle with alcohol. Unfortunately for him that is his lifestyle, it’s everywhere he goes and it’s a part of being who is; being in the band. I guess I’m going to have to constantly remind him that his life is so much more important than any of that lifestyle is. If he wants to live and stay the person he worked so hard to become he’s going to have to learn to continue to work at it everyday.
It turns out that AJ had relapsed a few months back and has been struggling ever since. Just like Nick, AJ is in a constant battle with the daemons that are inside of him. I don’t think anyone really knows what battles AJ faces expect for AJ. It saddens me to know that he struggles enough in life to feel the need to turn to alcohol to help fix his problems but I have hope that in time he can once again overcome any obstacles he faces and one day we will see the old Alex we know and love. I also know that Nick is going to continue to struggle in the future; that one day he will have another drink or even two. He’s going to have his ups and down’s just like everyone else. I just hope, for both of them, that these relapses don’t lead to bigger consequences down the road like a falling out with the band or even worse, loosing their life.
THE END
Chapter End Notes:
Please comment!
