I opened my eyes the next morning, smiling. Then, I realized where I was and my smile faded. I was on the couch. It was a dream. I stood up and walked around the house. I stopped in the guest rooms. Kat was in hers. Nick was in his. My parents were in their room. I wnt to my room, slowly opened the door, and saw my bed completly made.
"It was all a dream." I said as the tears began to form again.
Alex was still in the hospital. When I got home, I fell asleep and had a dream. The most incredible dream.
I went back downstairs to make some breakfast. I made myself some cereal. When I sat down to eat, I just stared at the bowl. I wasn't hungry. All I wanted was Alex. After thinking for a few minutes, I realized what I had to do.
I went back up to my room and slipped into the bathroom, and got ready. I wore a pair of Alex's sweat pants and his tshirt, which was baggy on me. I fixed my hair, and put on a little makeup. I decided to go back to the hospital before anyone else would wake up.
When I turned my car on, I hooked my ipod up to my stereo. Putting it on random, I found the perfect song was playing. 'Dreaming Of You' by Selena. The entire way there I sang along, putting all of my heart and soul into the words.
By the time I pulled up to the hospital, I had myself convinced that I had that dream for a reason. That it was God's way of telling me to tell him. When I got to the entrance, I ran to the elevator. When I reached his floor, I took off fo rhis room, flew through his door and saw him. I stopped to catch my breath. He looked over at me.
"Meggie?"
I walked over to his bed, "Alex. I'm so sorry about yesterday. I don't know what came over me."
As I got closer I saw another person in the room with him. It was his ex, Julie. When I saw her I stopped in my tracks.
"Meggie..Julie heard what happened and she wanted to make sure I was ok."
I should've known better. "I'm sorry. I thought you'd be alone. I'll come back later."
I turned to leave, "Meggie wait! Don't go! Julie can you leave us alone for a minute?"
She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "Sure baby." She walked over to him and kissed him. When she left she saw me cringe and smiled. She always was a bitch.
"Meggie come here." He motioned for me to sit with him on his bed.
I sat next to him and took his hand. "How you feeling?"
"Much better. They said I could go home today. Well, I can go to your house. If that's still ok with you.."
"Of course it is." I smiled, "You'll never be turned away there. You know that."
We sat in silence for a few minutes until Alex spoke.
"Are we ever gonna talk about it?"
"Alex, we don't have to. Let's just leave it in the past and act like it never happened ok?"
"Megan. We can't do that. Please tell me the truth."
I looked in his eyes. I couldn't lie to him anymore. I nodded, and looked down.
"Megan. Did you..did you mean what you said? Do you love me?"
I looked back in his eyes, and nodded slowly. Then whispered, "Yes."
"As in..you're in love with me?"
"Yes. I'm sorry. I'll leave."
"Meggie, don't go."
Julie walked back in, "Alex? Ready to go?"
He looked over at her and answered, "I will be in a few..and it's AJ."
"Sorry baby, I forgot." She walked to him where he had stood up to get dressed. "Let me help you." She then turned to me and said, "Um, honey..I think you should wait outside. AJ doesn't want you to see him naked. That's only for me to see."
She looked at him and winked. I decided to leave. I told him. And he chose. Part of me knew it would happen, but a small part of me thought for sure he'd pick me.
When I got back home, I went straight to the backyard to our swing. Ignoring all questions from everyone about where I was and what happened. I figured my tear stained face was enough of an answer.
I sat in the tire and swayed back in forth, remembering all the times we'd spent together in this swing. All the times we spent hours putting off our homework to be out here. Even the day he told me he was officially a Backstreet Boy. I was so excited for him.
I also remembered when I first realized I loved him. I was 16. I thought it was just a weird little crush at first. But, now. I know it was love. And those feelings were obviously never going to go away. I heard my name and looked up to see my mom walking toward me.
"Honey, are you ok?"
I looked up at her and broke. "No mama. I'm not. I'm broken and I can't be fixed. My heart can't be fixed." I walked to her and she grabbed me in a hug, just holding me as I cried on her shoulder.
"What happened?"
"I told him. He has Julie with him. He picked her."
"Oh sweetie." She stroked my hair, "I'm sure he's just scared. It'll be ok."
"Mama, does this pain ever go away?"
Chapter End Notes:
hope it wasn't too bad!
