"Alex?" I gasped
"Megs-I..I don't know what to say."
"How long?"
"A few weeks." He said, hanging his head.
"Why Alex? 6 years sober.. Why?"
'Because I'm afraid I'm going to be a horrible father."
"Alex."
"Don't fucking tell me I'm not!" He had a sudden outburst.
"Alex, you are not your father. And you're not going to turn into him."
"You don't know that."
I turned to look at him, his eyes were full of pain and anger. I reached out to cup his cheek, "Alex why didn't you just say something? I could've helped you."
He shrugged my hand off, and pushed me away, "NO! No you couldn't Megan! It's my life to fuck up! You can't do a shittin thing about it!"
"Why the hell are you yelling at me!?"
Alex and I hardly ever fight. But, when we do, they could be in the record book for yelling, swearing, and tears.
"Because I'm not in the mood for a speech! I know I fucked up! I've been fucking up for almost 3 fucking weeks!!"
"Alex. You can get over this! You could check back into to rehab or-"
"NO! Just face it Megan! You married a worthless fuck!"
He stormed out the door, and out to his car. After a second or two, I heard him speed off. I sat on the couch slowly. Going over the past 10 minutes in my head. Trying to grasp what just happened. Not knowing what else to do, I called Kevin.
"Hello?"
"Kevin?" I sniffed.
I tried to hold my tears. But broke, as soon as I heard him ask, "Whats wrong Meggie?"
"It's Alex. He's-"
"Drinking again?"
"No. Wel, he might be. But, he's been using again. For three weeks. We just had one of the worst fights in history because I caught him with pills." I sobbed.
"What kind of pills?!"
"I don't know. They are little blue ones, he had 4 of em."
"Is he doing any other drug?"
"I don't know, he said he was a worthless fuck and left." I sniffled.
"God. I don't understand why he'd go back to it. Has he been hanging out with new people?"
"I don't think so. But, I don't know. Who knows if he's really been at the studio when he claims he is. Kevin, I don't know what to do. I can't handle this again. Last time almost broke me."
"I know sweetie. Let me call the fellas, and talk to em. Maybe we can come up with a plan. Have you talked to Denise yet?"
"No. I don't wanna scare her."
"Maybe that's for the best, she doesn't need to be told yet. She'd just freak out. I'll call you back in a hour or so."
"OK, thanks Kev. Love you."
"Love you too sweetie, bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone and stared at the floor, just remembering the past. All those times when Alex was so messed up he didn't know where he was, or what he was doing. Then, there were those two times he overdoesed. I couldn't go through that again. He refused to go to the hospital both times because he didn't want to let the fans down.
I found him both times. He looked dead. I thought he was. I've never been so scared in my life, until now. Now, we were married, and I was pregnant. I was having his baby in 3 months. Now, I didn't know if we'd still be together, or even if Alex would be alive.
If he was hanging out with new people, then he would be influenced. He's not very strong when it comes to wanting people to like him. All he wants out of life is for people to love him, and doing drugs with the druggies, make them like you.
I was driving myself crazy thinking of the past, and all the possibilities of our future. I could see us happy together, raising our children. But then, I could see him not stopping, and etting hurt, or even killing himself.
I went back up to the nursery, my new favorite room. I sat in the rocking chair, and looked over at the wall with our pictures. I curled my legs up in the chair as best I could with my belly. I rocked myslef as I cried. I heard the phone ring, and pulled it from my pocket. Kat.
"Yes?" I answered softly
"Megs? What's wrong?"
"Are you busy?" I asked softly
"No. Why?"
"Can you come over? Please."
"Sure honey, should I bring Nick?"
"If you want. I need you."
"I'll be right there Meg."
I didn't say another word when I hung up. I continued to rock myself until Kat got there.
She let herself in. I could hear her walking around, calling my name. I didn't answer. I just didn't have the strength to.
I heard her getting closer, and looked out the door into the hallway. When she saw me, she stopped an gasped at seeing the room. She had a smile on her face as she looked around. That is, unil she saw me. Her smile quickly faded as she kneeled down in front of me.
"Meggie?"
I looked at her, still not speaking. I just broke into tears and fell into her embrace.
She stroked my back as she asked, "Megan what's wrong? What happened? Where's AJ?"
"Hearing his name made me cry more. I broke from her and looked at the floor. "He left."
"Where'd he go?"
"I don't know. We had a fight."
"Megan, you guys will work it out. You always do. What was your fight about?"
"I caught him doing drugs."
Kat gasped and wrapped her arm around me. Then, Nick walked into the room, talking on his cell.
"Yeah.... OK.... Later Bone." Nick said, and closed his phone
"Meggie. That was J."
"I could tell."
"He's at the studio. He wants me to meet him there. Should I know what's going on before I go?"
"I caught him doing drugs, Nick."
"WHAT?!"
"He had pills. He admitted it. Said he's been doing it for almost 3 weeks. I don't know if it's just pills or more. I do't know if he's drinking again, or if he's back on coke."
"Oh my God." Nick said.
"What?" I asked, and looked up at him.
"Last night, me and Brian thought he was acting weird. And, I thought I saw him pouring something into his drink. I bet it was Jack. He had a coke, so now, I'm pretty sure it was."
"I don't know what to do. I love him more than anything in the entire world. And, I'd never leave him, but what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and let him kill himself?"
Author's Chapter Notes:
heres the next chapter..lemme know what you guys think!!
