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AJ sat his drink down and sighed with disappointment yet again. This seemed to be a never ending ritual that he had somehow managed to get himself involved in and he no longer could see a way out of the torturous sorrow he felt in his heart.

He tipped his glass on the side and swirled the ice, not tilted enough to cause a spill, but just enough to give him something to do so he wasn't sitting alone at the party like the loser he felt he was. He should have known better. He always knew things worked out this way; he just hadn't seemed to learn the lesson yet.

The ice he had in his glass had long since started to dissolve with the coke making a lighter, less appealing version of the drink he had ordered before he had walked away. The melting ice was only a bitter reminder of how long he'd be sitting alone at the table.

They had performed that night at the MTV Music Video Awards for the first time in what felt like an eternity. Despite the fact that their ensemble had diminished into a four man band they still managed to make the girls swoon and the screams were loud. This was supposed to be a celebration, their return to the pop world. They were met with open arms, so why did he feel so alone?

He didn't need someone else to fill in the blanks on this one. This time he knew alcohol aside, what his problems were. The only major problem was he had no idea how to get himself out of the shit he was in now. He never expected it to be this way. Granted he should have known, he wasn't this stupid after all, but something had made him fall anyway, into a deadly dangerous web of lies, secrets and heartbreak. The only heart that would be breaking regardless of outcome however was only his own.

After the awards show they were all invited to attend one of the countless after parties. AJ tried to avoid these types of gatherings at any cost, but this was supposed to be their big celebration. They weren't supposed to celebrate alone-right? That's how he got suckered into attending instead of just going back to his hotel room. He was stuck at some industry event where the alcohol and drugs were running rapid, not to mention he was left alone at the table by his three other band mates not twenty minutes after arriving.

He had thought, prayed really, that they would have at least stuck around for most of the first hour and then he could have just left whenever they decided to leave the table, but somehow that was not the way it happened. Nick had spotted his brother and sisters somewhere in the crowd and had run off after them and Howie had mentioned something about talking to one of the members of N Sync he wasn't even sure which one anymore.

That left him alone at the table with Brian, which AJ was more than thrilled about. He had tried to get the older man alone all day, they hadn't seen each other since that morning and he just wanted to be close to him, but as soon as he had scooted just a little too close to him in the booth Brian had bolted saying something about having to go to the bathroom leaving AJ alone to pretend not to be hurt.

AJ had wondered to the bathroom some ten minutes after Brian had left the table but he wasn't inside. He looked around the party a few more moments before he found Brian in a corner. AJ got a great idea to sneak up on him. It was the perfect opportunity, no one was around, and no one would see them. His plan in motion he crept closer to his lover trying not to give himself away when he heard Brian's angelic voice say the one thing that could make AJ's stomach twist in circles.

"I love you Leigh. I'll be home soon baby, I promise."

AJ had to bite back the sob that threatened to scream from his lungs. He backed away from the corner and Brian quickly trying not to let the tears fall. The biggest names in entertainment were all smashed into the small little club; he did not need to be spotted crying.

He pulled his sunglasses out of his jeans pocket and quickly slipped them on his face to help hide at least to the outside world that his heart was breaking all over again. He had to gain his composure and soon. Brian could be coming back to the table soon and things would not go over well if he seen how upset AJ was or why he was so upset.

He quickly made his way back to the table he had previously occupied and took a seat. He looked into his glass again and sighed in disgust at the completely melted ice/cola combo that was left in the glass. He tried to keep his tears at bay but it was beginning to be unsuccessful. He took a couple deep breaths to steady his heart. He took off his sunglasses and laid them on the table before burying his face in his hands.

When did things get so complicated?

Once again he didn't need someone else to fill him in. He knew the exact month, day, minute, second that his life became so flipping complicated. It was the moment he fell in love with a married man, his best friend, Brian.

He thought what he was feeling was nothing more than a crush, something that would go away in time. He never imagined that it would blow up into this major mess that had taken over his life. Hell, he never imagined he would get anywhere with Brian, but he had, and they were lovers, secret lovers.

He knew he was in love with Brian, had even told him on more than one occasion, but Brian wasn't interested in love. He said he had plenty of love in his marriage and didn't need someone else to love him, no, what he needed was much more physical. He needed a fuck buddy, for lack of a better term.

Leighanne hated being on the road, which left Brian alone and unsatisfied for weeks at a time, so AJ had quickly filled in the void caused by her absence with much enjoyment. That was until he fell too hard for his older band mate and his heart broke every time he pictured his love with his wife.

He knew he was being ridiculous and a big baby, but sometimes it hurt too much to just be someone to get off with when he himself wanted so much more out of Brian, he wanted his love, but that was something Brian was unwilling to give.

AJ sighed again and rubbed his tired eyes. Sometimes, more times that not, he felt like he had gotten himself in a situation that had no solution. He was always going to be the one getting hurt, but he was powerless to break free of the hold Brian had erected on him.

He sat there for several moments scanning the crowd of entertainment stars and press. It seemed like more and more people were showing up the later it got. He would give anything to be able to go back to their hotel and fall asleep. He was physically and emotionally exhausted, but he couldn't leave until Brian was ready to go and who knew when that would be.

It seemed that he was coming into his own anymore. He went to more clubs, stayed out later, and drank more than AJ had ever seen before. He had mentioned this to the other two guys a couple times before but they just chocked it up to Brian finally acting out after having an almost perfect boy existence up until this point. AJ looked up as Brian sat across from him at the table drink in one hand and his cell phone in the other.

Brian took one look at AJ and rolled his eyes. He was in no mood to deal with AJ's emotional bullshit tonight. He was tired, horny, and annoyed. He had expected Leigh to come and join them in the next city before they began the North American leg of their tour. She had promised and he had looked forward to it for weeks. Now she called with some lame excuse about it not being the right time to come out and she'll meet him in one of the cities closer to Atlanta. He got tired of this shit every day.

He swallowed the rest of the alcoholic concoction in his glass with a grimace. He needed some sleep. He did not however want to go back to the hotel and have AJ acting like he lost his best friend because Brian didn't have the same feelings for him as AJ did. He just wanted to have sex and go to sleep. Was that too much for one man to ask for? And if AJ was a willing candidate then what really was the problem with his plan? Nothing that Brian could see.

"You about ready to head back? I'm exhausted." Brian said looking AJ straight in the face. He tried to get his point across but wasn't quite sure if AJ was understanding or not. He did not want to have to spell everything out this evening.

"Yeah, I suppose. Are you coming back to my room, or going on to your own?"

Brian rolled his eyes. He was beginning to lose his temper. He would have to work really hard to keep it in check. He became sort of a short fuse when he was drunk.

"Let's just go. I'll let you know when we get there."

AJ sat his glass down on the table and stood up. He did not like the look in Brian's eyes so much. He knew the older man was annoyed with him, why, well that was something he would probably never know the answer too. Brian was not a nice person when he was drunk and AJ just assumed that they spend the night apart so that he wouldn't have to deal with Brian being an asshole. He didn't figure his luck would hold out however and could already see the horrible evening that lie ahead.