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Howie sat quietly in the corner of the venue watching his band mates run through their sound checks. Something strange was going on with every member of their group. All three boys seemed to be avoiding each other like the plague and making up for their lack of talking by pestering him every second. They walked around quiet looking like they had all just lost their best friend. It was stressful to try to keep up with everything going on. He could see how all of this could have driven Kevin to the brink and made him want to rip his hair out, and Howie loved his hair, but he would damn sure rip every last strand out if all of this nonsense stopped. He knew it was useless though. Whatever had happened was big to make them act this way. Howie knew better than to interfere. He knew they would figure it out on their own time frame. Howie had to give Kevin props for lasting as long as he did however.

Howie watched as Brian exited the stage and completely avoided Nick who was coming up the second set of stairs. Things were certainly never dull, but the drama was almost too much to deal with sometimes too. There just didn't seem to be a happy medium. He wasn't sure where AJ had wondered off but he had to do his own sound check after Nick was finished so he hoped AJ would surface soon so he didn't have to go hunt him down. He didn't need children; he had three of his own already.

Brian wondered backstage and found AJ sprawled out on the couch asleep. Brian couldn't repress the smile that over took him as he gazed at the drooling man in front of him. He was damn cute when he was asleep. He was damn cute when he was awake too so maybe it was a catch 22 he would like to be caught in. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and noticed that Nick's sound check would be ending soon. He stole a quick glance at the wall clock and decided it would be best if he woke AJ up instead of letting him get reamed by Howie when he came back stage and found AJ asleep. He crossed the room towards the sleeping man still unsure of how to approach him. He was scared though, since the hallway incident to go to close to the younger man for fear of another outburst. He sat down on the coffee table and stared at the beautiful face of his friend. Since signing the divorce papers all he could think of was AJ. Not that he wasn't the only thing he thought of anyway. Since he and Leighanne had separated he felt like a weight had been lifted off of him. He didn't have to pretend for everyone anymore, just th others until the news broke.

Brian reached out to shake AH awake but stopped shirt. This would be the first time he had really touched him since that horrific night he raped him. Just thinking about it made him sick to his stomach. He hated himself, more than AJ could ever hate him. He gently placed his hand on AJ's warm and shook him gently. AJ snored louder but made no other attempts to wake up. Brian smiled and shook him harder calling his name. AJ struggled to exit his sleepy daze. He could hear someone chanting his name, it sounded so much like an angel that he was afraid if he opened his eyes it would all disappear. He opened his eyes slowly afraid of what he would find. He was shocked and a little scared to see Brian sitting so close to him on the coffee table. He jerked up suddenly before he could stop himself. He looked at the the hut look that crossed Brian's face but ignored it sitting up. Brian cleared his throat before he spoke, suddenly everything was hard. He looked away and tried not to allow his eyes to tear. He had no right. He couldn't handle looking into AJ's eyes though.

"It's time for your sound check." Brian whispered hoarsely trying to keep his feelings under control. "I didn't want you to get in trouble with Howie.

AJ nodded and looked at the time. Brian looked so upset but he shrugged it off. He didn't have time to worry about it now, he was late and Howie was going to be pissed. "Thanks," he mumbled quickly and jumped off the couch.

Brian waited until he was sure AJ had left before he collapsed on the couch that AJ had left in a rush. He closed his eyes and he inhaled the fabric that had seemed to soak up AJ's scent. It had been so long since he had been that close to AJ. His heart ached and all he wanted to do was cry the tears that he could no longer control. He couldn't let himself break down. The others would be back soon and he didn't want to have to explain to anyone his reasons for being so upset.

His picket buzzed and he pulled out his cell phone. He smiled softly seeing his cousin's name on the screen.

"How goes it Kevin?" Brian said coughing trying to disguise his voice.

"Everything ok cuz?" Kevin said immediately picking up on Brian's tone of voice.

Brian hesitated not sure what to say. Kevin knew somewhat of Brian's feelings for AJ, but he wasn't aware of the whole story. "Leighanne and I have separated and we're going to file for divorce."

Kevin let out the breath he had been holding. "What happened, Brian?"

Brian sighed heavily before he began rehashing every detail that he and Leighanne had discussed, leaving out the bits about his feelings for AJ. One and for all he allowed himself to cry about the ending of his divorce, he was sad yes, he loved Leighanne, but not how he should. Once Brian had finished his saga he was once again in tears, sobbing softly as he poured out his heart to his cousin, finally breaking down the walls and telling him about AJ, and every other thing that haunted him. The two cousins talked on about this or that, both in pain and both loving ones that they could never have.

AJ came back stage to get a bottle of water and stopped when he saw Brian curled up on the couch in tears. AJ's heart broke watching the man he'd loved for so long fall apart in front of him. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, but the back out quietly not wanting to disturb Brian. He wanted nothing more than to rush forward and pull the older man into his arms and never let him go, but he couldn't do that. He was sure that Brian would appreciate that.

He entered the bathroom and leaned against the sink, studying his appearance in the mirror. His eyes were dark and tired. He felt like he could never quite break free of the emotional storm that kept him feeling like he was drowning all of the time. He wasn't sure what to do to make himself feel like he was worth anything. His insecurities seemed to get the better of him more frequently than they did when he first left rehab. He felt proud of himself that that he didn't feel the need to drown himself in alcohol the way he used to. He jumped slightly as he heard the bathroom door open.

Nick strolled in the bathroom towel in one hand and water bottle in the other. He smiled when he saw AJ leaning against the sink. He noticed his downcast expression and smiled. He was determined to get AJ out of this funk one way or another.

"Whatcha doing tonight?" He asked washing his hands in the sink.

AJ watched him carefully, unsure of what Nick was asking. "Nothing really, what are you doing?"

"Want to go out with me tonight?" Nick asked turning to look at AJ closely.

He hesitated, unsure of what he wanted to say, what he should say. He looked at Nick's shining eyes and knew he had to at least give it a chance. He couldn't waste his life away pinning over Brian. "Sure."