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Brian woke up with a cramp in his neck and his cell phone ringing. He groaned as he sat up and rubbed his neck. How the hell did he manage to fall asleep like that? He glanced around the lounge and tried to figure out why he spent the night on the couch. He closed his eyes in pain before he realized his phone was still ringing. He dug around in his pocket for his phone and sighed in relief when he found it. That ringtone would be changed pronto. He glanced briefly at the screen and saw Leighanne’s number flashing across the screen. He quickly answered the phone and proceeded to stretch out on the couch in an attempt to get comfortable.

“Hey Leigh.” He said picking at the fabric of the couch. Who purchased this piece of shit furniture anyway? He proceeded to listen to Leighanne telling him of her week of pregnancy torture while still trying to figure out how the hell he had woken up on the couch. She must have noticed he had zoned out because he heard her softly calling his name.

“Brian, Brian, Are you paying attention to me?” She asked smiling into the phone.

“Of course sweetheart,” Brian said trying hard to pay attention.

“Bri, I went to the doctor this morning for a checkup and he confirmed the sex of the baby. I wasn’t sure whether or not this was something you wanted to know prior to the birth or not.”

Brian sat up straight on the couch. Did he want to know? Knowing would make all of this that much more real. He wasn’t sure what the right answer to this question was. He thought for a moment before nodding his head. He realized she couldn’t see him so he decided to speak. “Yeah, go ahead and tell me, Leigh.”

She laughed softly over the phone. God she missed him. She bit back her emotions and cleared her throat. She needed to get a grip. “It’s a boy!” She said proudly, knowing ultimately this would be what Brian wanted.

Brian jumped off the couch excitedly, causing Howie to yelp as he walked through the lounge. Howie glared at Brian for scaring him before he finished his short journey to the kitchen. Jesus Christ Brian almost gave him a heart attack.

“Are you sure Leigh?”

She giggled sweetly. “Yes Brian. He checked three times. It is mostly definitely a boy. I wasn’t going to tell you until I knew for absolute sure. Have you picked any names yet?” She asked. She would miss not being a part of her child’s life, but she knew well enough to know that he would be much better off in Brian’s hands than her own. She needed to get herself and her life together before she even thought about kids. It just wasn’t something she ever really wanted.

All at once everything from the night before hit Brian like a ton of bricks. AJ picking out his child’s name, the longing glances, the love he felt coursing through his veins at the closeness, and him, begging AJ to stay.

“Brian are you still there or did you zone out on me again?” Leighanne asked laughing. The entire line had gone silent and she had no idea what was going on with Brian. He just wasn’t focusing this morning.

“Yeah, I’m here Leigh. I did pick out a name, or well, AJ picked out a name.” He said breaking out of his trance and quickly explaining the situation to Leighanne. She was thrilled with the name, but warned him that it was becoming closer and closer for the baby and he could come any time in the next few weeks. They chatted along for a few more minutes before they hung up, leaving a smile on Brian’s face for the first time in a long time.

Brian entered the kitchen and sat down beside Howie who was currently engrossed in the newspaper. “How’s the wife?” Howie asked taking a sip of his coffee.

“I don’t have a wife, but Leighanne’s good.” Brian said before he could help himself.

Howie choked and spewed coffee all over the kitchen table. He coughed harshly, struggling to breath. Brian cracked up but got up and went to Howie’s side in an attempt to help his older friend.

“What the hell Brian!” Howie sputtered still trying to get his breathing under control. Brian shrugged and wondered to the fridge before reaching in and grabbing a can of soda. He sat on the opposite end of the table, careful not to get into the coffee backwash.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you. I just wasn’t really ready yet. Leighanne and I are getting a divorce.” Brian said playing with his can of soda and ignoring Howie’s gaze.

“What happened Brian?” Howie asked placing a hand on top of Brian’s. Brian stilled his movements and sighed before meeting Howie’s eyes. He shrugged. “We just grew apart. We’re not the same people we were when we got married, we both want different things. It was just time.”

They grew silent for a while allowing the information to hang in the air. “What about the baby Brian?” Howie asked looking at Brian carefully. Brian sighed again before looking away.

“She’s giving the baby to me to raise. She doesn’t want to be a mother. She gave me the option of raising the baby by myself or she would give it up for adoption and I just couldn’t do that. This is my son, I want him. I’m going to have a son, Howie.” Howie nodded unsure of what to do with all of this new information. He had no idea Brian was keeping these big of secrets away from him.

“Please don’t tell anyone about this. I want to tell everyone on my own time table.” Brian pleaded. Howie agreed and squeezed Brian’s hand in an attempt to let him know he was there before he went back to reading his newspaper. Brian got bored with staring at Howie’s newspaper covered face and decided a shower was in order. He just couldn’t wait to get off of this bus.

~*~

AJ laid in his bunk unwilling to come out. He could hear people awake and moving around the bus. He could only hope that no one dared to open his bunk curtain. He just wanted to be left the hell alone. He had felt like the last few weeks that he was, with Nick’s help, beginning to come out of his funk and being able to open himself up and move on. Then last night happened and it had all came crashing down around him as he realized that he was nowhere near over Brian and highly doubted he would ever be over him. He wanted nothing more than to take the older man into his arms and never let him go.

He wanted to be with Brian so badly it could make him cry. Fuck he had cried all evening long as soon as he had managed to get to his bunk he had cried himself to sleep and then had woken up with his eyes half swollen shut. He felt like there was no hope in moving on with his life. All it took was one look, one pleading look to bring all his hard work down. He didn’t want to be around anyone today. He just wanted to avoid everything that was going on and sleep.

He rubbed his hands over his tired eyes. This was going to be one long fucking tour with him wanting to jump Brian every other fucking day. He closed his eyes and rolled over facing the wall. Maybe more sleep would allow him to feel somewhat better when he awoke. He doubted it, but hell he could at least try.