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Chapter 36



“Want some pancakes,” AJ yelled across the bus as he pulled the rest of the needed ingredients out of the refrigerator. He went to work mixing the batter while waiting on Brian’s response. He could hear Brian’s laughing all the way from the bedroom.

“Alex, it’s three o’clock in the morning.” Brian said smiling as he walked into the kitchen area. AJ shrugged and dug around in the cabinets until he found a skillet. “I wanted pancakes.” He said turning around and smiling at Brian.

Brian laughed and smiled. “Yes, I’ll eat some pancakes. They are my favorite after macaroni and cheese and you make the best pancakes in the world!” Brian said hopping up on the counter to watch.

AJ smirked and nodded. “I know.” He went to work heating the skillet and melting the butter. Once the skillet was hot enough he poured the batter in. Brian sat on the counter watching AJ cook. There was something about him that oozed sexuality and Brian couldn’t tear his eyes away. The man was making pancakes for god’s sakes and all Brian could think about was devouring him.

AJ flipped the pancakes with ease knowing full well that Brian’s eyes were on him the entire time. Sometimes it felt good to know that Brian was looking at him. He put Brian’s pancakes on a plate and added syrup and whipped cream, just the way Brian liked it, before handing the older man the plate. He smiled in satisfaction as Brian’s eyes light up. “These look great Alex,” Brian said smiling widely.

AJ laughed and went back to making the rest of the pancakes. Brian had taken to calling him Alex lately and AJ couldn’t have been happier. He always hated it when Brian called him AJ. It was so impersonal, he much preferred when Brian called him Alex. It made him think that maybe, possibly, Brian was thinking about how it used to be between them. When they first got together everything was perfect and wonderful, that’s when Brian had originally started calling him Alex. He wished they could go back to those times.

Brian ate his pancakes quietly watching AJ closely. The younger man looked tormented and beaten down. Brian only prayed that they hadn’t caused those feelings. He knew he was relying too heavily on AJ’s help, but sometimes he couldn’t help himself. Them raising Baylee together just felt natural, right. Sometimes Brian had to catch himself before he said or did something stupid. Sometimes it was hard to remember that they weren’t together anymore. He hadn’t thought of the toll that taking care of Baylee could have had on him. Baylee wasn’t AJ’s problem.

Once AJ finished he made a plate for himself and leaned against the counter facing Brian. “This is going to be a long couple of days.” Brian said sitting his plate down and hoping off the counter. He dug around in the refrigerator until he found some apple juice. He poured two glasses, one for each of them, and handed a glass to AJ. AJ drank it greedily finding himself more thirsty than he thought he was. Brian finished eating and took both of their plates.

“It’s nice that he’s beginning to sleep through the night.” AJ commented nodding towards the bedroom where Baylee was sleeping soundly. AJ finished his glass and placed it back on the counter. Brian nodded.

“I don’t know what I would have done all of these months without you. You’ve went far beyond the call of friendship to help me and I cannot thank you enough. I promise I will start handling things better on my own. I feel horrible that you’re the one saddled with helping all the time. Baylee is my responsibility and it’s unfair of me to constantly ask for your help and I apologize. It means the world to me what you’ve done, but I can’t continue to do this to you. I feel awful for what I’ve put you through.” Brian said shaking his head and turning away.

“You don’t have to thank me, and don’t you dare think of taking that baby away from me. I don’t do these things because I have to or I feel obligated to. I do them because I want to. I want to help and most of the time it’s me offering to help, not the other way around. I could probably count on one hand how many times you have actually asked for help. I love him and I love you and I’m going to do whatever I can to help out. I would do anything and everything to help make this easier on you.” AJ said smiling and pulling the older man into his arms. He hugged Brian closely. Brian snuggled deeper into AJ’s arms and sighed. “I love you too.” He mumbled into AJ’s chest.

AJ froze unsure of what Brian had really said. His thoughts ran a million miles a minute. He knew what Brian had said, he just didn’t know if he could believe it. His heart beat sped up and he could feel himself beginning to grow dizzy. Was this really, finally happening? He pulled back gently and looked deeply into Brian’s eyes searching; yearning to see what he had longed to see for so long. Brian stared back, his eyes full of unshed tears and plenty of emotions.

AJ leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Brian’s. Brian sighed softly and fell into the kiss, needing it like he needed air to breath. He tightened his hold on AJ, convinced he would try to leave. AJ smiled into the kiss and pulled Brian closer. They both got lost in the kiss trying desperately to erase all of the hurt and pain they had both been though. When the need for air became too great they pulled away from each other, both looking at each other afraid and unsure.

Brian spoke first. “Why did you do that?” he asked quietly, scared to hear the answer.

“Because you said you loved me. Was that true?” AJ asked eyeing Brian curiously.

Brian nodded, finally allowing the tears he had kept to spill down his cheeks. “Yes, I do. I love you so much. So much it’s killing me. I don’t deserve to love you. I don’t deserve anything from you. I’m so tired of hurting you and bringing you pain. I can’t stand to do it anymore. I need you so badly I can’t hardly handle it sometimes. “ Brian said looking away.

AJ caught Brian’s chin and turned his face so that he could look into his eyes. “Angel, I love you more than life itself. I have loved you, wanted you, needed you for so long that I know that would never change. Nothing you do could ever make me stop loving you.” AJ said seriously.

Brian cried out and buried his head in AJ’s chest. “I’m just so sorry. All I wanted to do was love you and I just kept making everything a complete mess.” Brian said crying.

AJ held Brian tighter allowing him to cry. He was crying as well. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of him. Brian loved him. Brian had always loved him. He kissed Brian again, this time allowing everything he had been feeling come through. He finally felt complete, like his life was worth living again.