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Brian woke up and snuggled into the space beside him fully prepared to hit AJ’s warm body, but instead all he found was cool sheets. He sat up quickly looking around the room trying to figure out where AJ had gone. He couldn’t figure out why AJ was not beside him.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stumbled around until he finally found a pair of boxers on the floor and slid them on over his slim hips. He made his way into the front of the bus. It was dark except for a single candle lit on the coffee table in the lounge.

AJ sat curled up in the corner of the couch with Baylee lying in his lap. From where Brian stood in the doorway of the lounge it looked like AJ was crying. He walked further into the room squinting to see. AJ didn’t hear him come in and continued to play with Baylee. Brian reached the couch and folded his legs underneath him settling in beside his boyfriend. He laid a hand on AJ’s shoulder softly causing him to look up at Brian startled. Brian’s face softened seeing the tear tracks down AJ’s face.

“What’s the matter baby?” Brian asked getting comfortable in the couch. AJ sniffed and shook his head. He smiled as Baylee smiled and grabbed his finger and wouldn’t let it go. He allowed Baylee to pull it into his mouth and he quietly gummed it content with lying there.

“I’m fine. I just heard Bay wake up and I came in here to calm him down so you wouldn’t have to get up.” AJ said softly. Brian studied him for a moment unconvinced. Something had sent AJ into tears and he wasn’t moving until he figured out just what that was. Brian put his arm around AJ’s shoulder and pulled the younger man closer to him.

“Baby tell me what’s really wrong. Don’t lie. I know something’s going on. Just tell me what it is.” Brian whispered against AJ’s temple as he kissed the side of AJ’s head. AJ closed his eyes tightly and shook gently as the tears overtook him. Brian pulled him completely into his arms now very scared as to what was actually bothering him.

“I’m really alright. I just needed some time to think. I can’t believe this is real. I’ve wanted this for so long Bri, wanted you for so long that I never allowed myself to believe you would ever love me the same way I love you. Then when you had Baylee I figured my chance with you was completely over. But you still let me in. I was there with you from the moment you first laid eyes on him. I was the one who held him first somehow to me over time it just started feeling like he was our son, not yours and Leigh’s. I was so happy the first time you kissed me. I love you, so much, I’m not sure if you will ever understand how I really feel about you, but I’m so scared of screwing this up. I would die if you left me now.” AJ managed to get out before looking away.

Brian smiled softly relieved there was nothing seriously wrong. It made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside to hear how much AJ really cared about him and Baylee. “Baby,” Brian said turning so AJ could look him in the eyes while still holding Baylee. “I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I first walked in the door to this group. I was unsure of my feelings because they were so strong and so unlike anything I had ever felt before so I ignored them. I married Leighanne when all I wanted was to be with you. I’ve never felt this way before about anyone. I need you more than you could ever understand. You give me the strength to get out of bed in the mornings some days, baby. Just knowing I can see your beautiful face makes me get up and face whatever challenge that is currently on my shoulders. Baylee and I are not going anywhere.” Brian said smiling at the other man. He leaned in and kissed AJ’s lips gently.

“I was so thankful the day Baylee was born that you were there with me. I couldn’t believe that after everything that happened between us you still came with me to the hospital and never left my side the entire time. I wished he had been our child. I know that’s biologically impossible for us to have children, but this makes it feel like Baylee is really ours. You’ve been there since he was born and then when I brought him home you were the one person who stepped up and helped me. I have considered Baylee our child, at least in my mind, ever since. I was terrified of being a single father, but I am thrilled at the prospect of us doing this together. I love you Alex, more than I’ve ever loved anything in this world and I will never leave you again. We’re going to be alright.” Brian said hugging AJ closely to him and leaned back on the couch.

AJ smiled. “I love our little family.” AJ said holding a sleeping Baylee closer to his chest. Brian kissed the top of AJ’s head. “I love it too, who knew AJ McLean would be such a family man.” Brian said smiling widely.

AJ blushed. “I always knew I wanted to have a family, but I only wanted that family with you and my entire life I never imagined that happening. So I just pushed the whole idea out of my head.” Brian smiled and watched AJ holding Baylee. “You’re so good with him. I think he took to you the moment you held him for the first time. Sometimes I think he likes you more than he likes me.” Brian said laughing.

AJ smiled smugly. “Well I love you more than enough to make up for it.”

Brian grew quiet for a moment and laid his head on AJ’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you would still want to be with me after everything I put you through. I raped you baby, that’s unforgiveable. I beat myself up so many nights over that. I wanted to be with you so badly and I could tell that you had started to pull away from me because I wouldn’t leave Leighanne and commit to you. No one could blame you though. You didn’t deserve to be caught up in that mess. I was so scared of loving you. I tried to deny it, to fight it because I knew no one would understand.” He paused to take a breath.

“I know my family is going to go insane over this. They’ll probably never talk to me again. I knew the media, our fans would never understand and we would have to lock ourselves up to be together and sneak around, I was scared of all of that so I decided it was easier to pretend like I didn’t need you the same ways you needed me. For awhile I even believed it myself. Then it all got to be too much. Living a lie is harder than living as I was before. I needed you, so badly. I thought about you all the time, all I wanted to do was just be with you. Leighanne got to be a bother because I couldn’t even stand to look at her the same way, but I had to keep pretending like she was all I ever needed. She knew, I believe so at least. I know that’s why she started to pull away from me as well. Then I decided that being with you was what I needed to survive and be happy so I decided to tell you how much I loved you, to end my marriage, and finally be free to love you in all the ways I so desperately wanted to. “Brian wiped the tears that were slowly making waves down AJ’s cheeks.

“That’s when I found Kevin. I got so scared baby. Scared of what Leighanne would try to do to you once she found out. I figured she would lose it the way that Kristin did. I retreated further into myself and pretended like I wasn’t lonely without you, but I was going crazy baby. Then I finally lost it and hurt you in ways that I can’t even begin to explain or apologize for. I am so sorry. I know that does nothing to heal you but you have to know that. I knew after that night that I was in hell. All I wanted to do was love you and it seemed like no matter what I did I kept hurting you and making it worse. I felt like the biggest loser in the world and I hated myself for what I did to you. Leighanne told me our marriage was over and then I started seeing you with Nick and it was just like one thing after another kept hitting me harder. I knew there was no way that you could ever forgive me so I ran. I went to my condo and tried to put my feelings for you to behind me once and for all so I could move on, but nothing seemed to work. Seeing you with Nick broke me. Then I found out that Baylee had been born and you were right there. You never once left my side. Every step of the way and I could not have asked for anything else. We can do this, you and me. We’re going to make it work. We’ve come full circle and I don’t want to ever let you go. “ Brian said leaning against AJ.

AJ wrapped an arm around his shoulders securely and held him close. It felt good to finally have everything out in the open.

“What about your family now?” AJ asked softly staring at a spot on the floor to avoid Brian’s eyes. Brian smiled and snuggled closer to AJ. “Fuck my family. If they can’t be happy for me then I don’t care. I spent too much of my life needing you with me and going without. I was in hell before you, and I’m not going to live my life by anyone else’s terms and conditions. I don’t see the need to run and tell them and start a huge fight, but I’m not going to hide it and they’ll find out eventually. When they do we’ll deal with it then. There is only you for me, end of story.” Brian said softly.

AJ smiled. He still couldn’t believe that he had gotten so lucky. He loved this family, more than anything in the world and nothing was ever going to take them away from him. He was finally happy. They were quiet for awhile both just enjoying each other’s company before AJ spoke again.

“I want you to live with me.” He said suddenly causing Brian to sit up and look at him carefully. “What?” Brian questioned.

AJ nodded. “We’re not going to be on tour forever and I don’t think I can handle not having you with me every night. I’ll miss you both too damn much for you to be anywhere else. I’m in this for the long haul. This isn’t some fleeting thing to me. It only makes sense that we should live together.” Brian smiled a small shy smile. “You really want us there with you?” Brian asked softly.

AJ smiled at him. “Of course I want you there angel. I want you with me every day. So what do you say? Will you come live with me?” Brian wrapped his arms around AJ’s neck and kissed his cheek. “Of course we will baby. We would love to stay with you. This is really exciting.” Brian said beaming.

AJ laughed and kissed Brian softly. They settled back into the couch and held each other, Baylee nestled in between them. They really were one happy little family.