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Brian lay down in his hotel room trying to control his emotions. Everything was changing much too quickly for his mind to fully grasp everything. His whole world was beginning to fall apart and he wasn't sure what he should do to fix it anymore. His marriage, his life, everything was falling down around him while all he could do was sit back and watch the show. He felt like he was drowning with no way to break free. He racked his brain trying his hardest to remember when things started to get so bad. He knew. Deep down Brian remembered the exact time that everything got so complicated and messed up. It was when he fell in love with AJ.

He tried unsuccessfully for a long time after realizing his true feelings to repress them and for awhile he manages to do just that. He managed to ignore the way AJ's eyes crinkled when he smiled or the way he laughed. He ignored the way that he wanted to hold AJ a little longer after they had sex instead of just going to sleep, he ignored the way he felt when he woke up beside him. Then it just got to be too hard to control.

Brian knew he loved AJ, he also knew his marriage was over; the final nail in the coffin would just be filling out the divorce papers and signing his name. He was glad that he and Leighanne had reached some kind of mutual ground and they had not ended their marriage in anger and resentment.

His thoughts drifted to Kevin, his cousin, and their fallen band mate. Kevin held the key to every ounce of pain and unhappiness Brian currently possessed. It wasn't Kevin's fault, but he's the one that sparked the downward spiral that was his life. Kevin left the group, left them, he packed up and left, throwing everything away because he was afraid, and Brian had to carry around the secret of Kevin's departure. Brian and Kevin had grown up together, were related as cousins, but also as brothers and best friends. It was Kevin that Brian looked up to for love, guidance, and advice.

Brian wasn't supposed to know the real story of course. He was supposed to find out when everyone else did and was supposed to believe all the things that Kevin had led the others to believe, but Brian knew the truth, and it damn near destroyed his life. Hell it was still destroying him. He wasn't supposed to know Kevin was leaving; he wasn't supposed to find Kevin alone and shattered on the bathroom floor in that hotel room. Brian knew his entire world ended that night, and he wished beyond wishing that he could go back to that night and do everything differently, but he couldn't.

Brian closed his eyes and allowed the tears to fall, silently wetting his cheeks. His heart was broken, but by this point there was no way to mend it. The damage was much too great and all he could do was muddle through the wreckage.

Soon after AJ had left rehab, Brian had found himself keeping him company almost every single night. To begin with Brian viewed it as an alternative so that AJ wouldn't feel left out when the others wanted to go out to bars and clubs. Then it became a place where Brian could forget his troubled marriage and his loneliness. Finally without either boy aware, it became a solace, something mutually shared and enjoyed. They craved each other's attention, companionship, and love. Brian was determined this time not to let his brother down and devoted all of his free time to help AJ. He and AJ had grown closer to each other than humanly possible. They became such good friends that they could finish each other's sentences. They could tell what the other was thinking with just a look. They knew each other better than anyone else.

It was only a matter of time before they added the physical part came into play. It started out as kisses and hugs to make each other feel safe and loved. Then it moved to blog jobs and making each other feel good. By the time they slept together for the first time Brian could tell that AJ was falling in love with him. They had set up rules so no one got hurt. They decided it would just be sex, no feelings and emotions involved. Brian already had a wife, had love, a marriage. He told AJ he just needed the physical contact when they were on the road and he was lonely and AJ wholeheartedly agreed.

That was when Brian realized he too was falling in love. He hid it, never uttering a word of it to anyone. It was his secret and he intended to keep it for as long as he could before it overtook him. After months of fighting against his emotions he decided to hell with all of it and made the decision to tell AJ exactly how he felt and to show him how much he meant to him, how much he loved him. That's when he found Kevin and everything came tumbling down.