PART ONE

My breath caught as I spotted her across the crowded café. I held my coffee
mug to my face, hoping this would hide me enough so that she wouldn’t
recognize me. I kept perfectly still, as if she couldn’t see me if I
didn’t move.

He was with her. They were holding hands. If their smiles were any
indication, they were both happy.

And heading in my direction.

It had been months since I had seen her. Or him. I still went through phases
of missing her. And him. Seeing them together hurt immensely.

I saw the guy at the table beside me stand up as he got ready to leave. I
made a split second decision to hide behind him and follow him out of the café.
I didn’t want to risk staying at the table and having to speak to Nick or
Hannah. Even after all these months, my humiliation was still as fresh as it
was on that awful night. I typically had a bad memory, but my recollection of
that night was something that would never fade. I remembered every detail with
a clarity that made my heart ache and my eyes tear on cue.

Fortunately, the man I chose to hide behind was taller and wider than me. He
had long legs but I soon discovered that he was not a swift walker. I kept
close to him, but far enough away that I wasn’t stepping on his heels.
The last thing I needed was to trip him over and make a spectacle of myself,
when all I wanted was to get out of there without being seen.

Suddenly the man with the long legs stopped in front of me and I ran
straight into him.

“Sorry,” I whispered. In my head I screamed, “keep
moving!”

The man frowned at me then put a magazine on the shelf near the door. I
looked behind me to make sure I hadn’t been spotted.

If there was an Olympic event for moronic behavior I would win the gold,
silver and bronze. I was so, so stupid.

Nick was looking directly at me. Hannah was turned away from him, placing
her order, and was oblivious to me, like always. She was also oblivious to
Nick’s surprised expression.

I turned away again and as soon as I could, ducked around the tall man so
that I could get away. I was striding across the mall when I heard somebody
call my name.

“Melanie!”

It was Nick.

“Wait!” he called. His voice sounded far too close.

I started to run. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to come after
me!

I nearly made it to the mall doors, but Nick abruptly jumped in front of me.
I crashed into him so hard that I made him stumble backwards. His hands held my
upper arms to steady me.

Irritated, I shook him off and glared up at him.

“Hi,” he grinned casually. “How have you been?”

I felt like slapping that amused expression right off his face. I took a few
slow breaths and forced myself to smile widely. Serenely. “Great. And
you?”

“Good,” he replied, still smiling. “Hey, Hannah and I are
having a house warming party and we’d love you to come.”

I swallowed the hurt. I tried to look composed, while inside, jealousy was
simmering in my blood. He said it so nonchalantly. I felt like he had dumped a
bucket of boiling water over me. Hannah was moving in with him? Wow.

I cleared my throat and forced out words. “Sorry, I’m really
busy and--”

Nick smiled again. “I didn’t even tell you when it is.”

I swallowed and tried to ignore that smile. I hated to think how many times
that smile had convinced me to do things I knew I shouldn’t. Like taking
that little yellow pill that made my head feel like it would roll off my
shoulders. Then there was the skinny dipping in the lake. We were two naked,
naïve girls in the water, outnumbered by totally naked but not at all naïve
guys. Nobody else could have convinced me to do those things, but Nick did.

I had absolutely no idea what to say to him, so I remained silent as people
streamed by us. I wondered what Hannah thought of him chasing after me like
that. I bet she was pissed.

Nick bit his lower lip. “Are you okay? You kinda seem…like
you’re not.”

I painted a blasé expression on my face. “I’m fine.” He
had to know I was lying. How could I be fine? Did he want me to admit that,
yes, I was ruined. Was that part of his game, to be satisfied that he’d
won, he had to know that I was merely a shell of my former self? I wasn’t
about to give him that pleasure.

Nick did a good job of looking concerned. “It doesn’t have to be
like this. I hate that you guys don’t talk anymore. Hannah misses
you.”

Hannah and I were inseparable before he came along. I couldn’t believe
that he was going to stand there and act like he wanted to fix things, when it
was his fault everything was so fucked up. Before Nick, Hannah and I lived
together, worked together and we trusted each other more than anyone in the
world. Now she’d quit her job at the bakery and expelled me from every
other part of her life too.

I couldn’t deny being partly responsible for what had happened, but I
still wholly believed that if we’d never met Nick, Hannah and I would
still be friends. Because of Nick, Hannah was forever turned against me.

I was indignant. “Nick. You’re with Hannah.” At the
beginning, it had never occurred to me that he would be with Hannah, and not
me. But they were together, and now I was alone. I couldn’t believe that
he had the audacity to confront me and act as if I shouldn’t be hurt.

Nick rubbed his chin with his palm and paused for a moment. “That
doesn’t mean you have to hide from us. Why can’t we hang out like
we used to? We had fun. Right?”

It’s not fun watching your former friend glow with happiness while you
sit and sulk. It’s not fun constantly wondering why the guy you were
crazy about doesn’t feel the same. There’s no joy in feeling like a
reject and trying to pretend that you’re perfectly fine with being the
reject. A stronger person might be able to carry on like they were unaffected,
but not me.

He was a jerk and Hannah was stupid for staying with him.

Nick tried again. “We play volleyball on Tuesday nights. Why
don’t you come with us? It doesn’t matter if you’ve never
played before. It’s just for fun.”

“Thanks, but no.”

Nick’s forehead creased. “Mel…you and Hann are
friends…don’t you miss her? I know she misses you.”

I hated that tone. The sympathetic tone that made me want to crawl inside
myself and disappear.

If Hannah was really my friend, she wouldn’t have sided with Nick.
Nick, who we hadn’t even known a whole year. The guy who wormed his way
into our lives and destroyed us.

Well, destroyed me. Hannah still seemed as perky as ever.

Did Hannah not care about how all this made me feel? She got her man, and
that was all that mattered. That’s what it seemed like to me.

It was hard to believe that it was the same Hannah, the same girl who sat by
me as I sobbed by my mother’s grave. The girl who slapped some weird guy
in a club when he decided he wanted to do a panty inspection on me. Hannah, who
had won the affection of the man who I was falling for, and now Hannah wanted
nothing to do with me.