PART FOUR

When we went to buy the alcohol, I was glad that Nick did indeed pay. 

“How many people are coming to this party?” I asked.  Our house wasn’t that big. 

“Nick’s friends invited some friends, and they invited some friends, and they’ll probably bring some friends too.  Better to be prepared,” Hannah said.

Nick grabbed her face and planted a kiss on her lips.  “We gotta get some more glasses.  You guys have hardly any.”

I frowned.  We had plenty.  It was at this point that I started to have a bad feeling about the party.

When the back of Nick’s Escalade was filled with party supplies, we returned to the house to start getting the food ready.

I was making a guacamole dip when Hannah said she was going to take a shower.  Nick followed her into the bathroom and I was left alone in the kitchen to listen to her shrieks of laughter and helpless sounding moans.  Something crashed to the floor and Nick’s grunting and groaning got louder and louder, followed by beautiful silence.

By the end of it, I was probably breathing just as heavy as them.

When they emerged from the bathroom, I retreated to my room to do my makeup.  I chose a short black satin dress with a low sweetheart neckline and two thin spaghetti straps.  I put on some silver hoop earrings and eyed my reflection.  Just because Nick didn’t want me, didn’t mean some other guy wouldn’t be love-struck.  I smiled at myself then went in search of the perfect perfume.

I was glad I made the effort to look good, because everyone else had too.  Hannah was wearing a black dress too, but hers was long and had a dangerously low v-neck.  She wasn’t wearing a bra, and the faint glitter she’d brushed over her chest drew attention straight to where she wanted it.

Things started out okay, but as the hours passed I recognized hardly anybody who had crowded into our house.  The air was hazy with smoke and everybody yelled at each other to be heard over the music.  It was so loud that the songs sounded kind of distorted, but nobody seemed to notice or care.

I cringed as some redheaded guy dropped a cigarette onto the living room carpet.

I felt somebody behind me squeeze my shoulders.  “Relax!” Nick yelled into my ear.

I exhaled and took another drink of my vodka and soda.  Nick pulled me into the dancing mass near the stereo and left me there.  I got lost in the bumping mass and for a while I forgot about the alcohol sloshing onto the carpet. 

The night felt endless.  We danced and drank for hours and hours.  I was having trouble keeping my eyes open, which happened often when I got drunk.  I was envious of the people who left, going home to their bed, or maybe somebody else’s bed. 

I sat on the couch and watched Hannah at work.  She was completely wrapped up in her game of poker.  I had no doubt that she would win.  She was inanely stubborn and competitive.  It wouldn’t matter how many games it took, she would walk away from that table a winner.

Nick came to squish into the tiny space on the couch next to me.

"Comfortable?” I asked him, my thigh trapped by his.

“You look bored,” Nick said, before putting his beer bottle up to his lips. “I thought I’d come entertain you.”

“I don’t get it,” I said.  “I don’t play cards.”

“You don’t have a poker face,” Nick said.  He paused for a moment and looked at me thoughtfully.  He leaned in closer and put his mouth to my ear. “I can look at you face and know exactly what you’re thinking.”

His warm breath on my neck sent a chill through me.  I looked away from him, just in case he could indeed know what I was thinking.  He didn’t need to be privy to the interesting scenario playing out in my head.

I glanced back and saw him looking in my lap, where my dress had risen up my thighs.  My legs were crossed, there was nothing to see, but that didn’t stop him from looking.

Nick said, “Want me to mix you another drink?”

I really didn’t need another drink, I was buzzed enough already.   One more drink might be all I needed to end up in a heap on the floor.  But Nick didn’t give me a chance to respond.  Instead, he took my hand and pulled me up from the low couch.

He caught my elbow as my foot stumbled on something.  I looked down and saw an empty bottle.  Earlier in the night I would have rushed to get a towel to soak up the beer dribbling on the carpet, but now I felt detached and not at all concerned.  When Nick was sure I wasn’t going to fall, he let go of me and headed towards the kitchen and I followed him in there.  Some girls were sitting at our table, eating some caramel cupcakes I’d brought home from work.  There were three girls there, and a lot more than three empty cupcake cases.  Cupcakes and rum.  Yum.  I bet they were regretting that later.

Nick had his back to me as he took the lid off the vodka bottle.  I watched his shoulder blades move beneath his shirt as he reached up and took a glass from the cupboard.  It was pathetic that a simple movement from him made my insides twinge.

Nick mixed the drink then held out the full glass to me.  “It’s kind of strong.  Hope you can handle it.”

I smiled as I put the glass to my lips but cringed as I took a sip.  “You weren’t kidding.”

He grinned cheekily.  “If that doesn’t liven you up, nothing will.”

Inside the dining room, Hannah was hollering about Chris being the worst bluffer she’d ever seen.

“Want to go out the back?” Nick asked me.

While I stood there, half dazed and wordless he took my hand and steered me out of the kitchen.  We didn’t make it outside.  Instead, Nick led us into the unlit laundry.  The door softly clicked as he closed it behind us. 

“What are you doing?”  Now that he had let my hand go, I clutched my glass with both hands.  

Nick stared at me, his expression unreadable.  Suddenly the corner of his mouth lifted and he smirked.  “What are you doing, Melanie?”

I blinked in confusion.  Was he flirting with me?  Because I didn’t know what else to do, I took another sip of my drink.

“Is it good?” Nick asked me.  I noticed him inching closer.

I nodded.  My heart was beating hard and fast.

Nick was still staring at me, and I was still looking at him, watching and waiting.

He was right in front of me now.  If I leant forward mere inches I could rest my head against his chest.  “I like this,” he said, hooking his finger under the shoe string strap of my dress.  His fingers were cool against my skin as he dragged the strap over my shoulder.  “Put the glass down,” he said.  His gravelly voice sent a shiver through me.

I put the glass down on the washing machine, sloshing the liquid over my hand in the process.  My fingers felt like liquid themselves.

I stood there stupidly, with my hands by my sides, having a mild panic attack.  Nick seemed composed.  Focused even.

Was he pissed that Hannah was out there having a good time without him?  She was laughing like crazy out there.  Could he hear her, or was she drowned out by my ragged breathing?

Nick pushed the other strap of my dress over my shoulder.  Could he see the way my chest was heaving?  I was enveloped by the warmth of his body as he reached behind me and lowered the zip on the back.  He dragged both straps all the way down my arms and the silky dress obediently fell in a pool at my feet.  Every inch of my exposed body prickled with anticipation.  Nick's fingers crawled up my stomach and ventured over my strapless bra.  He tweaked my hard nipples through the bra, and then moved his hands behind me, over my back to grip my ass.

I moved my hands to rest on his back and stood on the balls of my feet so I could press my mouth to his.  He groaned and pushed his hands into my hair, holding my head still while his tongue plunged into my mouth.  I cried out into his mouth and then returned his kiss eagerly.

My heart galloped in my chest.  His hands returned to my ass and his fingers kneaded my ass cheeks through my panties.  I loved the feeling, but I was desperate to feel his hands on my bare skin.

I needed to feel him too.  I slipped my hands under his shirt and let my hands wander over his stomach and up over his chest.  I pressed my lips to his prickly jaw then dragged them lower, over the hot skin of his neck.

There was a click and light flashed into the small room.  Hannah’s shriek sounded like someone had knifed her.

Nick  shoved me away.  I knocked the glass beside me and it fell to the floor and shattered into a million pieces.  I stumbled back, falling onto the washer.

After Nick went running after Hannah, I slumped down to the floor and stared blankly into the darkness.  My lips throbbed.  My hands shook. 

I felt a sharp stab in my butt and reach under me to remove a shard of glass.  I threw the piece of glass across the room.  It bounced off the wall and came back to hit my leg.  I winced, though I didn’t feel it.

I must have stayed there for an hour or more, leaning against the cool washing machine, hugging my bare legs.  Nick never came back.  I don’t know why I expected him to.  The alcohol made my mind foggy.  It obliterated my common sense.

Some time later I stumbled to my bed finished the night curled up in a ball, repeating the same words over and over again.

What have I done?

Hannah moved out the next day.  I tried to talk to her, to explain that I was drunk, that it didn’t mean anything.  It was a mistake.  She did a great job of pretending that she didn’t hear me.

Her brother Michael came by to help box up all her stuff to take over to his house.  He tried to make conversation with me.  How were my parents?  Was I still enjoying working at the bakery?  I was so emotional, I couldn’t answer a single question.  I just stood there with my arms wrapped around myself, tears running down my face as Hannah packed up.

I couldn’t think of anything other than the stupidity of my actions the night before.  How do you begin fixing something so dreadful?  Hannah couldn’t even look at me.

I couldn’t even look at me.  I had glimpsed my reflection in the mirror that morning.  My hair was tied in a ponytail, with half it falling out.  My eyes were bloodshot and my nose red.  My mascara was smudged under my eyes and halfway down my cheeks.

Nick was nowhere.  I presumed that Hannah had kicked him out.

I had killed our friendship.  Me and my inebriated lack of control.  My selfish greed.  I was a bitch.  A traitor.  Liar.  Cheater.  Hannah didn’t need to say these things to me; I knew how she must have felt.

Hannah called work on the Monday morning following the party and told our boss Craig that she was too sick to come in.  On the Tuesday she came in and resigned.

Before she left, she hissed at me, “I want nothing more to do with you.  Stay away from me.  And stay away from Nick too.”

I was dumbfounded.  How could Hannah forgive Nick, but not me?  We were both responsible for what had gone on.  We both knew it was wrong, but we did it anyway…probably would have done a hell of a lot more had Hannah not interrupted.

It occurred to me then that maybe Hannah and I weren’t as close as I thought.  Our friendship had lasted years, but it can’t have been worth much to her if she was willing to disregard it so easily.

She was probably thinking the very same thing about me.

Now all these months later, I can see that Hannah’s hatred of me has not diminished.  Nick said that she missed me, but her face told me otherwise.

In the mall, Hannah is staring at me.  Then glaring at Nick.  She has two steaming coffees in her hands, and her face is telling me that I might be wearing those coffees at any second.

Nick went to her, put his hands on her shoulders from behind and nudged her over to me.

“I want you two to make up.  You’re both miserable.  You don’t have to be.”  His tone reminded me of the one used by my mother when she was trying to get me and my brother to play nice.

Hannah’s eyes were icy, her mouth in a stubborn line.

I looked at her stony face.  “Call me when he’s gone,” I said to her.

Nick looked confused.  “I thought you liked me.”  He was trying to be playful, but it wasn’t working.  His charm no longer swayed me.

I shrugged.  “I thought I did, but it turns out I don’t.”

I knew one day Hannah would call, it was just a matter of time.  Nick was not going to be around forever.  I just had to hope that once he was gone, Hannah would realize that she missed me, like I missed her.

*~*~*~*

The End