Dear Kevin,
I am not sure if this letter will ever find it's way to your hands. I pray that it does. I know it's been a long time since you last heard from me. I know that I am probably the last person you would ever want to hear from. The way that I left things was unforgivable, this I know, and if my words get ripped up and shredded into a million pieces, I would certainly understand and not blame you at all. I guess it's foolish to even illusion myself with the chance of you reading this, or if it will even do any good, but still I feel I should let you know some things that I never told you, things that I keep inside for such a long time. And maybe just maybe you could begin to forgive me.
You once told me that your only wish was for me to open up to you. Well, although I know that now it's much too late for that I feel like it's something I need to do. I've lived the past nine years in a pool of regret, reliving the past. Maybe if I finally tell you all the things I never did, I could finally let go.
I'm not sure where to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning.
I come from a family that was just not exactly molded after the Brady Bunch. It was an empty family. Talking about our feelings was never allowed. If we did we'd get chastised and put on a display while the rest of the family laughed and called out names. My father was always cold, I never did get a hug from him, even to the day he died, he never told me he loved me.
My favorite color is green, emerald green to be precise, my favorite song is Purple Rain by Prince. You used to tease me about that all the time. I have no sense of direction, if I'm driving to a new place I have to leave early because lord knows I'm going to get lost. I'm terrified of horses. I love sitting under my favorite tree, the weeping willow, while I write away, sometimes I write about my day, sometimes get lost in a fictional world I create with my pen, and then there a those days when I write about us. As I write this now I sit beneath it. It's a bright sunny day, kind of like the first day I met you.
I was born in South Texas and lived there most my life, that is until the day my family move to Kentucky. I was not particularly happy about the move, leaving my friends and the rest of my family back home was something I did not want to do, but at 16 I had no choice. I had to go where my parents saw fit.
It was my first day at a new school and I hadn't been the new girl since I was five. As I walked to school I felt my stomach in a knot. Not only was it a new school but a new entire state that I'd have to adapt to. The thought that I would have to make new friends was less than pleasing. I mean sure I was never Miss Popular in my old school but at least I did have a small group of loyal friends that surrounded me.
That whole first day was very weird and a bit off for me, but I think that was just me. I have a way of always managing to turn the best situation into an awkward one. God it was so long ago that I can barely remember it. I do know there was a pep rally that day because I remember thinking to myself of all days to start school it had to be freaking pep rally day. I was not to fond of that kind of scene, cheerleaders, jocks, and the dance team, not for me. I sat there bored out of my mind periodically checking the time, wondering when it was going to end.
The rest of that day is still a blur to me. The only thing I can remember was how great it felt when I heard the last bell of the day ring and the frustrating feeling of getting lost. I don't know how I managed, it was not a very big school, still I could not find my way around and by the time I made it to the parking area I had missed the bus.
"Great." I said to myself. "This is just great." Could I have called my mother to pick me up? Well, yes, but did I really want to? No. I knew I'd be facing a whole two hour sermon about responsibility and how I inconvenienced her. I decided to walk, no one at home would even notice the time I'd get there. I had made it to about half a mile into my walk when I heard a car slowing down.
"Need a ride?" It was the first time I heard your voice.
I turned and saw you in your red ford pick up. I normally do not accept rides from strangers but I recognized your face. I couldn't quite put my finger on where I'd seen you or how but I knew you were from school.
"Really? That would be so great." I couldn't believe my ears. What was I saying? I had wanted to say no thank you. I opened my mouth to say no but instead I accepted.
You reached over and opened the door for me. "Hop in."
As I got in I asked, "Are you sure it's okay, I mean I don't want to be an inconvenience or anything."
"No,it's no bother, don't worry, I'm headed out that way as well."
"Well thanks a lot." I kept stealing glances and forcing myself to remember where I saw you. Did I have a class with you? I couldn't remember.
"Missed the bus?
"Huh?" I had been trying so hard to remember that your question caught me of guard. Okay actually I wasn't paying attention.
"You missed the bus. I saw you running towards the bus as it was leaving." You chuckled. "I was like come on girl, you goin' miss the bus. I was hoping you'd make it, you know, routing for you."
I noticed a hint of insecurity in your voice and smiled, "well thanks for routing for me but I still missed it."
"Yeah I wanted to offer to take you home but I still had to help put back all the equipment and change out of uniform."
Uniform? That's right, that's where I'd seen you before, at the pep rally.
"Football player?"
"Yep, Captain."
Great and he's the captain too, captain of the very people I despise. It's too bad too, he was cute.
"So you're new right?" You asked.
"Can you tell?"
You nodded. "It's just that it's a pretty small town and well to be frank there aren't too many girls like you around here."
"Like me?" I squinted. What the hell's that suppose to mean? I think you noticed the offended look on my face.
"Well you know, you do kind of stick out like a sore thumb around here."
"Uh, huh, you're not making things any better." I laughed.
"No no, I mean, you- you're very pretty. And I love that nice tan you got there."
Good save but I was not entirely convinced just then.
"Where you from?"
"Texas."
"Really? What part?"
"The southern part."
"I have a brother that lives in Texas. In Abilene. You live near there?"
"No. I lived way down south near the border."
"Mexico? So you're Mexican then?"
I just nodded.
"Not too many Mexican girls down here, and I'm glad that I got the only one in my truck with me right now." You smiled at me.
"You like Mexican girls?"
"Love 'em, they're very beautiful and exotic. Well at least that's my opinion." You stared into my eyes piercing them with you emerald greens.
My face began to burn I looked down so that you couldn't see the bright apples on my cheeks.I thanked the heavens that we were nearing my house. "That's my street." I pointed to the road that led to my new home.
"Here? Really? I actually live about four blocks away."
"Really? Well I guess it is a small town after all."
Which one is it?" You asked as we drove into my street.
"The second to the last on the left." I pointed out.
"Well Kevin, thank you so much for the ride, it would have been a really long walk."
I jumped put of your truck and as I closed the door you said to me. "What are you doing this Friday? Any plans?"
"No, not that I'm aware of." I answered honestly.
"Homecoming's this Friday, I would love it if you'd go with me as my date."
"Um..." I stuttered. "Yeah see the thing is that...well..I-I..."
"It's okay if you don't want to go." You interrupted. I noticed the look of disappointment on your face. "You can say no."
"Oh no no, it's not that. Not that I don't want to... it's just that I'm not really into that sort of thing."
"Come on it'll be fun, I promise. Please."
You looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes and I caved.
"Sure, I'll go."
"Alright, I'll see you then."
I watched as you drove away. My first day and I already have a date. I think I'm going to like this place after all.
Story Notes:
This is the first story I post here so hope you enjoy.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading.
