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"Remind me why I let you talk me into this."

"Because you needed to get out of those smelly pajamas, take a shower and actually breathe fresh air?"

"They did not smell, thank you very much."

"You could have stepped out of them and they would have stood on their own."

"They're worn in--"

"Steph, don't bullshit me."

"Always with the vulgar language," Stephanie Larson murmured, taking a sip of wine as she looked across the table. The man who had been her friend all this time, even when her inner turmoils pushed its way into his life. Never once had he complained. Whenever she felt like she was drowning, he was always there to pull her up to the surface. Anthony DiNozzo to the rescue.

"You would be worried if I didn't use it," Tony replied, looking at her with his piercing blue eyes.

"Maybe I'd like the break--"

"Again, don't bullshit me."

"Can you say anything else tonight?"

"...I'm glad you decided to get out of the house."

"The jury's still out on my side."

"How long are you going to let this get to you?"

"Get to me? I was with him for two damn years, Tony. It's not as easy for me as it is for you," Stephanie snapped, slamming her wine glass down on the table. The liquid sloshed but didn't spill. Maybe it was easier for men like Tony to not develop a connection on the emotional level, but for her it was different. Much different. She had seen herself marrying the man who had broken her heart. What was the point in trying all over again if the same outcome was just as likely?

"Easy for me?"

"...Forget it. I'm just bitter and taking it out on you--"

"You really think I haven't had a break-up that bothered me? I'm not that heartless, Steph. I thought we were better friends than that," Tony frowned openly, leaning back in his chair.

"Tony, I didn't mean--"

"Jeanne. Remember her?"

"Yes, but... Tony, seriously, I didn't mean to say that. I know how hard it is to talk about her. Taking an offer at a hospital in Italy and leaving without so much as a goodbye--"

"That's not what happened."

"...What are you talking about?" Stephanie raised an eyebrow as the waiter brought forth a basket of sliced french bread and a bowl filled with spiced olive oil for dipping. The food laid untouched, orders for the meals were given without thought and she continued to gaze at the man across the table.

"I met Jeanne through a case at work. Director Shepard wanted me to get close to a suspect--"

"Tony, you shouldn't be telling me this. Gibbs would have your head!"

"Does it look like I give a damn?" Tony nearly snapped, fiddling with his napkin.

"Okay, okay. What happened?"

"Director Shepard wanted me to use any ways possible to get close to a suspect. La Grenouille. She didn't talk specifics and I didn't ask questions. I knew this kind of experience would look good on my resume, so I just went along with it. He had a daughter who was a doctor here in DC. Jeanne. Looking through reports, she seemed to be the typical woman. Smart. Strong. Passionate. She loved her job and was obviously dedicated," Tony took a long sip of wine and vaguely realized his hand was shaking. He felt her warm hand grasp his own. It was nice. Comforting. Taking a breath he continued. "I knew getting her interested in me was going to be a challenge. You know me and challenges. Director Shepard warned me not to get too close with Jeanne. Once we were able to capture with La Grenouille, my true identity would be exposed and any kind of relationship would be impossible. Not the fact that she would find out I had been lying to her that whole time. Oh, no. It was because of the fact that I'm an NCIS agent. Sometimes the director had her priorities mixed up."

"How close did you and Jeanne get?"

"Close... we were looking to get a place together. She was checking out neighborhoods, making sure they were close to our jobs... Even though she had no idea who I really was nor what I did, I let it happen. For once in my life, I felt complete. Jeanne was able to bring back feelings I thought I had lost a long time ago when Mother passed away. Things were going great between us, Steph. It was the happiest time and something I can't forget. But, all good things come to an end, don't they?"

"For the most part," Stephanie murmured, keeping a hold of his hand for support.

"Jeanne's father was obviously a powerful man with deep connections to just about every port that can accumulate information about someone. He did a search on me. On that day, Jeanne and I were picked up by a limo and there he was. La Grenouille in the flesh," Tony felt her hand squeeze in surprise but he continued. "Needless to say... he forced me to admit to Jeanne who I really was."

"She didn't take it well, did she?"

"Would you?"

"...No."

"Neither did she. She wouldn't take my calls, emails or text messages. I'd go by the hospital and be given the cold shoulder. They knew I had hurt Jeanne, but they obviously thought it was for some trivial reason like I was married or something. It seemed like nothing would be right again and I told the director what I thought. May not have been the best idea, but for some reason I think she understood. I didn't see Jeanne until we worked on another case involving her father, who was actually murdered not too long after he exposed who I was."

"Did you tell her how you felt? That you were sorry?"

"I..." Tony trailed off as his mind flashed back to that painful day.


"Jeanne! Jeanne, wait!" Tony called out as he ran after her. She had left the NCIS headquarters, actually wishing that they had never met. His heart lurched at the words, though he knew she had every right to think so. What he was going to tell her, he didn't know but he couldn't just let her leave like that.

"What? What more do you want from me, Anthony DiNozzo?" Jeanne questioned, emphasizing on his last name. That had been a lie along with others.

"I just... Jeanne, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I didn't mean for you to get hurt."

"You didn't want me to get hurt? Oh, that's right. It was all part of your job as a big NCIS agent. Got to rack up the experience and make your portfolio sound so impressive," Jeanne's voice was cold and crisp. Her eyes shimmered too brightly, but he knew she wouldn't let the tears fall. Not in front of him. He resisted the urge to reach out and hold her.

"Jeanne--"

"Tell me one thing. Did what we have mean anything to you?" The question took him by surprise and he found himself speechless as she watched him with those pain-filled eyes. He had caused that pain. All he wanted to do was make it go away. He could easily tell her the truth. Of course it meant something to him. It meant EVERYTHING to him. She was the first woman he had loved for more than just sex and that was something he honestly didn't believe would happen before she came into his life. He could tell her that. Maybe she would even forgive him and they could start fresh with Jeanne knowing exactly who Tony DiNozzo was. Looking into her eyes, he realized that what he wanted to conflicted with what he HAD to do.

"No. It didn't."

"I didn't think so," Jeanne's facial features and tone hardened, but it seemed like the pain in her eyes intensified with his words. Words he didn't mean. She began to walk away, but turned around one last time. "Goodbye, Anthony DiNozzo. I hope you can live with yourself and the choices you've made."

Tony was at a loss for words as she continued to walk away. Out of his life forever.


"So you didn't even tell her the truth?"

"Letting her go like that was the best thing I could do for her. And for myself."

"But all that heartache..."

"I'd rather give it a clean break so she can move on and find someone better than me. If we were meant to last... I would have told her who I really was, regardless of what my assignment was. But work was more important and she doesn't deserve that."

"And here I thought my break-up was the end of the world. Tony, I had no idea..." Stephanie trailed off. She brought Tony's hand to her lips and pressed a friendly kiss. Hoping to give her good friend some kind of comfort. He did everything for her and all this time he was holding back so much pain.

"No one does. Not even Gibbs," Tony looked up into her eyes and gave a smile. There was a ghost of his true smile behind there and Stephanie couldn't help but smile back. "If I wanted anyone to know, it would be you. The others just don't understand like you do."

"I'm always here for you. Like you are for me. In fact," Stephanie released his hand as their food arrived. "I think you deserve a night in with me some time this week. We could rent movies, pig out on junk food--"

"If you mention facials and pedicures, I will kill you without a second thought. I'm a lethal NCIS agent," Tony threatened, but Stephanie merely laughed and began cutting into her food.

"You're as lethal as a kitten, Tony DiNozzo. But you're still one of the best friends I've ever had."

"Don't let that get around, okay? I've got a reputation to protect."