RACHEL’s POV
It was the longest day of my life. I was thankful that Nick hadn’t given up on me yet, and Brian and Leighanne were there to listen to me and made me feel like everything would be fine. I was looking for my house key in my bag when I noticed the front door was open. I took a mental note to remind Ally to lock the door always. I went inside the house and was surprised to see AJ in the living room. He was sitting comfortably at the couch and having coffee. I looked ay my wristwatch and it read 9:00 pm. I wondered why he was still here.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him
"Good evening to you, too." He took a sip from his coffee and stood up "Ally called and said she'd be doing double shift in the diner. I already prepared dinner and tucked in Alexis. I was just waiting for you before locking the door."
waiting for you... my heart must have jumped out of joy if she heard those words under normal circumstances. But our situation was far from normal.
"You don't have to wait for me, I have my own key." I said trying to control her emotions, I wanted to run to him and hugged him tight. I missed him so much
"I wasn't so sure about that. So, you can have your dinner now. Good night" He said and walked towards the stairs.
"Hey! where do you think you're going? The door is in your right."
I panicked when I saw him about to climb the stairs
"To our room" He said with a wicked grin "Didn't you tell Alexis we are a family? He thinks I live here too. Don't worry I already picked up all my stuff."
"No!" I protested
"Look, I am not forcing you to sleep with me, ok? I just have to be here when my son wakes up.
Understand?"
There was something in his voice that made me realized he wasn’t up for any fights.
"I'll sleep in the guest room in case you need anything"
I regret what I said when I saw AJ's teasing smile.
Damn!
I went to the kitchen to have dinner. AJ cooked mac and cheese, the b-rok way. Leighanne used to teach them both how to cook. After eating and cleaning up everything I decided to call it a night, it has been a long day after all.
I’ve decided not to talk to AJ until he was ready to talk. Nick promised me that he would talk to AJ, he has to know the truth. I was not expecting things to go back the way they used to. We can’t just become a family, it won’t be that easy. It has been four years and I wasn’t sure about AJ’s feeling anymore. Yes, he kept looking for me but now that he has found me, he showed me nothing but hatred. All I wants from AJ now was at least his friendship, for Alexis' sake.
I checked Alexis’ room first before going to my room. I saw AJ coming out of Alexis' room, he'd been crying.
"Alex..." I stopped when he glared at me "I mean AJ... do you want to talk about it?"
He shook his head while wiping his tears "NO! At least not with you." He walked past me.
"I think we need to talk, we can't go on like this."
He turned around and looked at me with so much anger and pain in his eyes. I looked down on my feet, I couldn't stand looking at him.
"Don't you think we're better off like this, just civil to each other." He asked slowly but full of anger.
AJ went to his room when I didn’t answer his question. I followed him, thinking this was the best time to talk. AJ was sitting at the edge of the bed when I entered the room, he looked like he was about to cry again. I cleared my throat and AJ looked up.
"What the hell do you still want from me? I said I don't want to talk."
"AJ, we need to talk, at least about Alexis."
"Ok!" AJ held up both hands "You want to talk about Alexis, fine! I'm going to file for custody on court. He is my son, I have rights over him."
"I knew you'd do that, but it doesn't have to come to that, you have all the parental rights over Alexis, you can visit him anytime you want, we can have some arrangements."
"So, now you are aware of my parental rights. I'm glad you realized that now after keeping him from me for over three years." He said with sarcasm.
"I didn't keep him from you!"
"Stop making lies, Rachel, you've done so much damage now, don't try doing more."
"I am not lying. I did not keep your son from you."
"Then what did you do? You didn't tell me about him, didn't tell me you were pregnant, you just walked away from me like that. You know how much that hurts?" He stopped, obviously trying so hard not to break down. "You have no idea how I envy Brian for having Baylee. You don't know how many times I wished I could be a father too while holding Baylee in my arms. Thinking if I could have my own son or daughter while playing with Baylee. Then after four years, I will find out I have a three year old son, you know how much that hurts?"
AJ looked in the other side of the room controlling his anger then he looked at me again. My heart was breaking for him. He pointed his finger at me.
"You stole my chance of being a father. I should have been there when he was born. You took my chance of staying up late at night to change his diaper, prepare his milk and feed him, sing him lullabies. You stole my chance of seeing his first smile, hear his first laugh, see him took his first step, hear him say daddy for the first time..."
He trailed off, he was down on his knees , tears flowing from his eyes. I took a step closer to him, I wanted to hug him but he held up his right hand, telling me to stop. It was killing me to see him like that, it hurts me even more knowing I couldn’t do anything. I sat on the floor and cried with him. There was nothing that could make everything Ok.
"I missed three years of my son's life... I should have been there on his birthdays, thanksgivings, christmases and all the time my son needed his father. Baylee needed Brian all the time and it hurts me to think my son always needed me but I wasn't there... it hurts so much."
He took a deep breath and looked at me "But I should thank you for making up those lies, for writing those letters and sending those gifts. My son doesn't hate me. He thinks I have to work for his future. He waited for me for so long."
AJ wiped his tears, stood up, took his wallet and phone from the bed and walked towards the door.
"Please tell Alexis I just have to pick up some more stuff. I'd pick him up at your office tomorrow." He said then closed the door.
After staring to the door for a while, I stood up from the floor and sat at the bed. I cannot hate AJ for saying those painful words. He thought I kept Alexis from him, and I did that intentionally. It was very painful to see that the man who loved you so much before doesn’t feel anything now but hatred. It was just a consolation that he thought making up those lies was a good idea.
Alexis saw me crying while I was holding AJ’s picture when he was two years old. He asked me if that was his father. I was very emotional by that time so I said yes. I thought he would never bring up that topic again because he was so young, I thought he would never even remember that.
But he was asking me all the time. I told him that his father was a part of the Backstreet Boys and were doing a world tour and it would take some time to finish the tour. I talked to David, Ally’s boyfriend, who was working in Nashville, to write a letter for Alexis twice a month. Since Alexis didn’t know how to read yet, it worked. Alexis was so excited everytime he would received a letter. Every month I would wrap a gift and told him it was from his father.
For his third birthday and last Christmas, I wrapped four more gifts and told him it was from his godparents. The boy loved Nick, Howie and Brian the first time he saw the BSB picture. I was planning to tell Alexis the truth when he is old enough to understand things but that won't happen anymore. His father was here now.
I was hurting for Alexis, too. I would do anything and everything for AJ not to pursue the custody case. I would find ways to make things better for my son.
I headed back on my room to get my cellphone from my bag. I punched Leighanne’s number. I needed someone to talk to.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you for reading my story... :)
