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Summary: Just when Alex McLean thought he was living life exactly the way he wanted to, his past comes back to haunt him in more ways than one. Will he find the strength to move on from it for good? Will he be able to cope with the difficult days that lie ahead?
Rated: R
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys
Characters: AJ, Group
Genres: Drama
Warnings: Graphic Sexual Content, Sexual Content
Series: None
Chapters: 39
Completed: No
Word count: 96772
Read: 62206
Published: 09/19/09
Updated: 12/03/10
Story Notes:
This is my first AJ fic, so be nice. ;) All chapters are in AJ's point of view (sort of) unless otherwise noted.

AJ doesn't have any addiction problems in this fic (so far).

1. Chapter 1 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2247 words)
Added 9/19. Please read and review! :)

2. Chapter 2 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (984 words)
Added 9/23. Thank you to those who reviewed chapter one. Please read and review! :)

3. Chapter 3 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1358 words)
Added 9/28. Please read and review! :)

4. Chapter 4 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1718 words)
Added 10/12. Please read and review. :)

5. Chapter 5 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1135 words)
Added 10/29.

6. Chapter 6 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1682 words)
Added 11/13.

7. Chapter 7 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2318 words)
Added 11/16.

8. Chapter 8 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2021 words)
Added 12/2.

9. Chapter 9 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2183 words)
Added 12/7.

10. Chapter 10 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1411 words)
Added 12/11. This chapter's mostly dialogue, so it's kinda boring, but I PROMISE that the next one is better!

11. Chapter 11 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2190 words)
Added 12/29. Sorry I haven't updated lately, I got really stuck on the next few chapters. I've decided to post two new chapters since it's been awhile. Enjoy. :)

Sidenotes: I got tired of writing using Sarah as AJ's wife, so I made up a new character. I know it's kinda sudden, but hopefully you guys don't mind. I would suggest re-reading the first chapter for more information.

This chapter contains graphic sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised. lol ;)

12. Chapter 12 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1760 words)
Added 12/29.

13. Chapter 13 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1472 words)
Added 12/31. My last update for 2009. I will probably update again tomorrow for New Year's Day. Happy New Year everyone, I hope you all have a great 2010! :D

14. Chapter 14 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1189 words)
Added 1/4. My first update of 2010. I struggled with writing this chapter because I'm trying to figure out where I want this to go. Suggestions are welcome and appreciated. This one's kinda short, but here you go. :)

15. Chapter 15 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2130 words)
Added 1/6. This chapter's much longer, I hope you guys like it!

16. Chapter 16 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2644 words)
Added 1/12. This took me awhile to write, I hope you guys like it. :)

17. Chapter 17 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2171 words)
Added 1/25. I'm SO sorry that I haven't updated in almost two weeks. I got stuck on this chapter and just didn't feel like writing much. I apologize. This chapter is longer than I anticipated it to be, hope you guys like it. :)

18. Chapter 18 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (1754 words)
Added 1/26. Wow, two updates in one week and on consecutive days! I'm on a roll and I like it! I guess this is karma for not updating for almost two weeks. lol Enjoy! :D

19. Chapter 19 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2492 words)
Added 1/28. I think you guys will like this one...

20. Chapter 20 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2670 words)
Added 2/8. Sorry for the long wait again. This one took me awhile to write, it took me quite a few days to come up with ideas for this one. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Enjoy! :D

21. Chapter 21 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2479 words)
Added 2/12. I didn't anticipate for this chapter to turn out like it did. My original ideas made it about 1,000 words shorter. I just kept going and this is what came of it. At least you guys don't have to wait almost two weeks for an update again! Enjoy! :D

The italics are a flashback.

22. Chapter 22 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2325 words)
Added 2/25. Sorry for the long wait again. I'm trying not to fall into the habit of giving spaced out updates. I hope that this makes up for it. :)

23. Chapter 23 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2461 words)
Added 3/2. Here's another update, enjoy. :D

24. Chapter 24 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2440 words)
Added 3/4. Here's another update! I started writing this chapter and I just couldn't stop! Here it is...!

25. Chapter 25 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2394 words)
Added 3/12. Here's another update, I hope you all like it. :)

26. Chapter 26 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2776 words)
Added 3/19. Here's one more chapter...

27. Chapter 27 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (3423 words)
Added 3/29. I'm back with another update, it's quite a long chapter. I hope you all enjoy it... :)

The big section in italics is a flashback.

28. Chapter 28 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (3076 words)
Added 4/5. Here's another update. :)

29. Chapter 29 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (4179 words)
Added 4/11. This is over 1,000 words longer than the last one, I really out did myself this time if I do say so myself, hehe. I hope you guys like it! :D

30. Chapter 30 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (4199 words)
Added 4/15. Here's another update. :) I hope you all like it.

31. Chapter 31 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2434 words)
Added 5/19. I'm FINALLY back with an update for all of you!! I got a bad case of writer's block and no inspiration, hopefully I've moved past it. I sincerely apologize for the wait.

There's more good news: I think I've decided the whole point of this story which is why I changed the summary into something more specific. I hope you guys like it. :)

Enjoy the update and don't forget to leave me some feedback! :D

32. Chapter 32 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (3222 words)
Added 6/3. Here's another update. Sorry for the wait, the ending took me forever to write. It could have ended in one spot, but I took it a bit further to set up for the next chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it. :)

PLEASE review, I love feedback and it helps me get more updates out to you all. And to all those lurkers out there...I know you're out there. It's really not hard to make an account on here and at least leave me a "Thanks for updating!" comment. The same applies to those who are already registered here, that read this and never review (I would know, I got like 200+ reads the last time I updated ;) ). Every little bit helps.

I also greatly appreciate those who (regularly) review this story. You know who you are. :)

33. Chapter 33 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2573 words)
Added 7/5.

Hey everyone, sorry for the long wait again. I took a couple of weeks off from writing to just chill and I wrote most of this chapter before I struggled with the ending. I hope you all like it. :)

34. Chapter 34 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (3652 words)
Added 8/4. I really apologize for the spaced out updates, I plan on starting the next chapter tomorrow. :) Enjoy this one guys.

35. Chapter 35 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (4879 words)
Added 8/13. I said that y'all wouldn't have to wait long for the next chapter and here it is! Are you ready to find out Gumby's gender...? Happy reading!

Also, now this is the longest chapter and yes, I felt that all of the things that happen in this chapter need to be told in one and not be split into two chapters especially since I said that the baby's gender would be revealed in this one. lol

36. Chapter 36 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (3330 words)
Added 8/20. Here's another update for y'all. lol I wonder where some of my reviewers went? Anyway, enjoy and don't forget to leave me some feedback. :)

37. Chapter 37 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (3799 words)
Added 9/2. Here's another update, enjoy. :) Leave me some feedback...

38. Chapter 38 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2691 words)
Added 11/2. Hey everyone, I'm REALLY sorry for the long delay. I got stuck on this chapter and have been hard at work on the next one. I wanted to post both at the same time as a reward for your patience with this story, but it hasn't worked out. The next chapter will be out really soon and I hope this one doesn't disappoint, enjoy. :)

39. Chapter 39 by AJBrianFan [ - ] (2911 words)
Added 12/2. I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry for the long gaps between updates. Ugh, I don't even have a good excuse, really. I just hope that y'all are stickin' with me.

Happy reading and feedback is appreciated. :)