She sat back in her patio absentmindedly watching the sparse clouds roll by. It was another bright and sunny day in California, except unlike most days, it lacked the charming invitation that it usually offered to Celine. There was nothing bright about this day and certainly nothing to look forward to, nothing to smile about.

Today instead was filled with uncertainty. What was she going to do with Nick? She knew the reality of the situation was that there was really nothing to do. They parted ways many years ago and made their own lives separate from the one they had known together. It was not like he had appeared out of thin air back into her life because he’d chosen to. There were circumstances beyond his control that led him to the place he was out now. It was merely coincidence that the mishap, if you could call it that, he suffered shuffled him to the hospital she worked at. As was she certain that if he had known she worked there he would have opted for another route, possibly even coveting death as an alternative. She felt the need to help him for whatever reason; perhaps the way things ended between them was a factor. Or her desire to attend to the sick was another factor in play. It was in fact all relative to her profession.

If she was to help him, she knew she was going to need to devise a strategic plan. It may have been long ago but she still recalled his strong personality. The boy was as stubborn as a mule and proud to the core. Allowing her to aid him would be a difficult task, one that would require precise measures and a certain level of delicacy. With careful planning, she hoped she would be able to succeed.

She fixed her view to the nice Victorian style home just next door and contemplated her next move. She wondered if seeking advice would do her good, it certainly wouldn’t cause any harm and it would be nice to finally be able to get this off her chest, but she debated about recruiting her trusted friend. She knew she could trust her but to do so, she would have to let her in on some things in her past that she wasn’t too happy about recalling much less voicing it out loud to someone she cared about. It was as if in speaking the words to another soul would on only reinforce the past, cementing it in stone. She had kept him to herself so long that she didn’t even know where to begin or how to speak of it.

It was almost a sign, as if she were being watched by a greater power that was subtly telling her it was time, when she saw the slightly older looking woman peek out behind the drapes. She looked at her through the glass window; the knowing look on her face told her she sensed something terribly wrong with her friend.

Celine looked away, casting her gaze to the ground, thoroughly examining her shoes. She cocked her head toward the sound of an opening door, even though it was expected, it had still taken her slightly surprised. She gulped as her friend made her way to her. She had less than a few second to make up her mind on whether she would tell her the truth or come up with a believable story that would buy her time.

“Hey honey.” She took a seat across from her and offered her a halfhearted smile. “Okay, what’s going on?”

Celine returned the gesture, perfectly mimicking the smile. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

Her friend pulled out a cigarette and took a match to it. “That bad huh?” She puffed.

Celine watched a sequence of smoke rings sway in perfect rhythm through the air until they had completely dissolved. She sighed taking in a breath of the burning tobacco. “Have you ever done something that you regret more than anything but would have regretted it just as equally if you hadn’t done it in the first place?”

Her friend studied the strong facial lines, calculated the severity of the perplexed subject matter behind the query, and chose her next words cautiously. “Yeah, I got married. I regret that shit more than anything but I know if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have my beautiful children and they are my everything, my world. But…” She paused. “Somehow I get the feeling that this is not the same thing. What’s eating you Cel? ”

“A long time ago…when-I- well…something happened that- I just don’t know….I bumped into an old friend of mine at work.” Her words came out in a stuttered mess, not sure even where to begin.

“And by an old friend you mean a former love interest?” She raised her eyebrow in a suggestive manner.

Celine reluctantly confirm with the nodding of her head.

“Okay, so, you met him at work, what does he work there?”

“No.”

“Patient?” Her brows now furrowed.

“Yes.”

“Uh huh, and what happened that’s got you so worked up.”

“He was brought in this morning after a car wreck. I went to see him. He just looked so bad, he had been with a passenger, and she seems in even worse shape. I don’t know what to do. I want to help him but I don’t think he’ll let me. He’s not the type to ask or accept it.”

“Too proud huh?” She watched her friend closely and nodded. “You still care about him?”

“Always.”

“Well, honey, I don’t know what to tell you here.”

For the first time, she had no advice to offer and it confused her further. She always had some fortune cookie phrase to hand to her in times like these. Always knew the best thing to do. And now, when Celine needed her advice more than ever, she was left in a cloud of silence. The look on Celine’s shocked face all but brought her to chuckles. She looked like a child. “You can’t help him if he doesn’t want you to. Just offer it and if he accepts then help him but if he says no, then let it be. You can’t force it on him. If he needs your help he’ll eventually ask you for it.”

There was the fortune cookie. She had been disappointed when she thought she wasn’t going to get it and now that she had, she was regretting it. Nick was not the type of man to let anyone help him and she was sure as hell that he’d never accept it from her. She had felt the tension in his room earlier that morning.

Nick sat propped up in his bed listening intently to the man in the white coat. He heard his words but his thoughts were elsewhere. The woman that was in his company last night, he’d found out her name was Irene, was his only concern at the moment. He had been very cooperative answering every question he had for him but at the mention of Irene and her condition, he had zoned off to a state of worry and guilt. From the sound of it, it did not seem to be going well for her. When the ambulance had arrived at the scene that morning, she was found a few feet away from the vehicle was lucky to have made it this far.

“You’re very fortunate, Mr. Carter, you only sustained a few scratches and minor injuries.” Was what he had been told, too bad the same couldn’t be said for Irene, who now was in critical condition. The doctor’s had assure the girl’s family that they had done all they could for her but as it stood there was no way of predicting the future outcome, only time would tell that one. Nick swallowed a lump down his throat, he didn’t feel so lucky.

A knock on the door brought him back to the small room. Slowly it opened and a set of blue eyes peeked in.

“Looks like you have a visitor.” The doctor said. “Come on in.” He assured. “We’re just about done here.”

Her sad blue eyes rested on Nick. “Hey,” she said quietly. He returned the greeting and she stood there with her hands in her pockets, staring at the floor. Once the doctor had left the room, she took a seat on the chair next to his bed.

“How are you?”

“Alright, I guess.”

“What happened?”

“Leslie, can we not do this right now? I really don’t want to talk about it.” He pleaded.

She frowned. “What? My brother gets into a car wreck, lands himself in the hospital. I don’t find about it until the next day.” She said in tears. “And you don’t want to do this.”

Nick said not a word.

“And I’m supposed to just accept that? Nick you could have died.”

“Yeah well I didn’t. I’m alright now so please can we just drop this.”

It’s not that he wished to be insensitive to Leslie’s feelings, she was always the one to feel more than the rest of his siblings, it just didn’t seem like the right moment. He had other things on his mind, and he was going through a lot at the moment. Of course, it was his own damn fault, he knew this, but talking about it right now didn’t seem right. He knew he if told her what happened, he would get another sermon about his lifestyle and how it’s a danger, and that was not something he wanted to hear. He knew all too well the consequences; he was living it right now.

“Okay, Nick. We won’t talk about this now.”

“Thank you.”

“I just care about you so much. You’re my big brother and I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too”