Ashley sighed as she sat in the large booth at the lounge the boys had chosen. They had made their way to Toronto safely and a little ahead of schedule so they decided to go out for dinner before calling it a night. Ashley wanted to stay back at the hotel, but the girls had convinced her to come along. She wasn’t exactly feeling like being the life of the party at the moment and she knew exactly why. She just hoped that she could hide her sadness from everyone else. She sighed as she looked around. Some were talking amongst themselves, laughing and chatting about tomorrows show, some were at the bar and the rest were on the small dance floor in the back of She leaned back in her seat and continued to watch them, lost in her own world until she was knocked from her trance.
"You ok?" Nick said leaning into her and whispering to keep the attention from them.
"Just tired I guess." She shrugged, knowing it was a lie.
“Let’s try that again…you ok?” he asked.
“I’m fine really.” She said faking a smile. “It’s just one of those days.”
“You’re still a really bad liar, but I’ll drop it.” He said leaning back in the booth and taking a gulp of his drink.
It was quiet for a few moments as the song on the jukebox changed to a slow one. It was Truly, Madly, Deeply from Savage Garden.
“I swear I have the worst luck.” She sighed.
“Huh?” he looked at her confused.
“This song. I used to love it but now every time I hear it, it brings back such bad memories. Not what I want to be thinking about right now.
“Why?”
“When this song was popular I was in sixth grade and at a school where every girl hated my guts because I was Alex’s cousin. My mom convinced me to go to a dance and I was the only one who didn’t get asked to dance because the girls told the boys if they danced with me they would get a disease or some stupid shit like that. I know it sounds stupid, but things like that just kind of stick.”
Nick stood up and reached his hand out to her.
“What are you doing?” she looked up at him with a raised brow.
“Giving you a better memory of this song.” He smiled and pulled her up and over towards the small dance floor. He placed his hands on her waist as she slid her around his neck with a slight chuckle. They swayed back and forth to the music and for a moment she forgot anyone else was there with them.
Leighanne Kristin and Leigh stood off to the side watching the two.
“Ladies, you may want to prepare yourself to do my laundry because I think we don’t have much longer until this bet is over and my date is coming up in just a few days.” Kristin grinned.
“You and I aren’t that far apart so don’t count you’re chickens before they’ve hatched.” Leighanne smirked.
“I still think you both guessed way to soon. Just because they seem to be getting closer means nothing. Neither has even made any sort of move yet.” Leigh chimed in.
“What do you call that?” Leighanne laughed. “You just know you’re going to loose.”
“Now who’s counting their chickens?” Leigh laughed.
***
AJ sighed as he watched Ashley and Nick from the pool table where he was playing with Brian.
“I guess there’s really no stopping this, huh?” he said turning his attention to his friend.
“Is it really that bad? Nick is a good guy and from what I’ve seen he really does like her.” Brian tried to sway him. “I mean you and I of all people know the creeps she’s dated in the past…I think Nick is at the very top of the list compared to all of them.”
“I know he’s a good guy, I just know how she gets. She falls too hard and too fast. I’m just worried she’ll get hurt.”
“She can handle herself and if she gets hurt then we just make sure we’re there for her, that’s all you can do.” Brian reminded him.
“I guess you’re right.” He sighed as he leaned over and shot his final ball into the corner pocket. “Can’t be any worse then the rest of those assholes.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ashley groaned pulling herself out of bed as someone insistently knocked on her door.
“What?” she said frustrated as she swung it open.
“Hey.” AJ smiled on the other side.
“What?” she asked again with more of an attitude.
“I’m gonna go meet some friends for dinner, I wanted to see if you wanted to come.”
“No.” she said and went to shut the door.
AJ stopped it and followed her inside as she climbed back into bed.
“What’s wrong with you?” AJ raised a brow at her sudden snootiness. “You’ve been acting really weird since yesterday.”
“You shouldn’t even have to ask.” She said turning away from him.
“Did I do something?” he said confused.
“Just forget it. I want to be alone.” She sighed sniffling a little.
"Ash are you sure you're ok?" He said concerned.
“I'm fine! I just don’t feel like going. Is that a crime?” She snapped angrily.
“Fine.” He sighed in defeat. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” He said letting himself out.
She sighed and wiped her eyes as she heard the door shut.
***
“Hey man…what’s up?” Nick said not expecting to see AJ on the other side of the door.
“Can we talk for a minute?” he asked.
Nick opened the door further so he could come in. He walked through the door and took a seat on the chair by the window as Nick followed him and sat on the edge of the bed facing him.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“Has Ashley mentioned anything to you recently about being upset at me or something?” he asked.
“No, I mean she did seem a little down yesterday, but she hasn’t mentioned anything.”
“I think she might be mad at me.” He sighed.
“Why? I thought you guys were getting along good.” Nick said confused.
“So did I, but she’s just been really moody and won’t talk to me much.” AJ shrugged. “I thought maybe she had said something.”
“No, but I can talk to her if you want.” Nick offered.
“Would you? She seems to open up to you.” He said with a sad sigh as he stood up for the door.
“I’m sure she’s fine, but I’ll try and talk to her.” Nick followed him letting him out. “Are you going out tonight?”
“Yeah, just to dinner with a few friends that are in town that I haven’t seen in a while. Are you staying in?”
“Yeah, all these long drives and jumping around is wearing me out, I’m gonna just chill out here, but I’ll try and talk to her.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it. Catch ya later.” AJ said walking back to his room.
Nick waited a little while before finally going to talk to Ashley. He knew she wasn’t acting herself, but he didn’t think much of it. She had let her guard down a little the night they all had dinner. Everyone has off days now and again, but he had promised AJ that he would talk to her so he had to keep his word. He knocked on her door and waited for an answer. He tried once more but again there was no answer. He sighed as he pulled out his phone.
'Where r u?' He texted her
Ashley felt her phone vibrating next to her. She pulled off her headphones and closed her notebook glancing at the phone.
'In my room where r u?' She texted back.
"Outside your door." He said with a laugh.
Ashley laughed slightly as she climbed from the bed to open the door.
“Why didn’t you answer when I knocked?” he said walking into the room and plopping himself down on the bed.
“Didn’t hear you. I had my music up loud. I was in my own little writing world.” She shrugged taking a seat, leaning against the headboard.
“Writing?” he said glancing at the closed notebook.
“Nothing much, just working on a song.”
“I didn’t know you wrote.”
“Yeah.” She said before pushing the notebook into her bag by the bed.
“You ok?”
“I guess.” She shrugged.
“What’s been on your mind?” he said looking her in the eyes. “You’ve been down and out since the other night.”
“It’s nothing, really.” She turned away.
“Why don’t we go for a walk? Get some fresh air. It’s supposed to be really nice out tonight.” He suggested.
“I’m not really in the mood to go out.”
“We don’t have to leave the hotel, they have a really nice courtyard by the pool. It’s really peaceful and kinda cool. It’s all closed in by these huge tree bush looking things.”
“Tree bush?” she laughed slightly. “Never seen those before.”
“See, exactly why we should go for a walk.” He smirked standing from the bed and reaching his hand out to her. “I promise you’ll like it.”
“Fine.” She said with a slight sigh, taking his hand as she stood from the bed.
They made their way outside and she had to admit, he was right. It was really pretty out here. There was a long pathway lined with trees leading to the enclosed pool area. Every tree was lit with small white lights. They walked into the pool area and Nick took a seat on a plush cushioned lounge chair near the back corner. He sat with his legs on either side of the chair and patted the empty space at the end signaling for Ashley to take a seat. He leaned against the angled back of the chair as she sat Indian style facing him at the opposite end.
“So what’s on your mind?” Nick said after a few moments of silence.
“It’s just this time of year, it always get me thinking and really depressed.”
“I’m a little lost.” He said trying to think of what the reason could be.
“In two days it will be exactly six years since…” she couldn’t finish the thought but he had caught on. “All I feel like doing is crying. I miss her so much.” She said trying to hold back her tears, not wanting him to see her cry.
“It’s ok to miss her and it’s ok to cry. You can’t be strong all the time, it will eat you up inside.” He said consoling her.
“I just feel like each year that goes by I loose her a little bit more. I forget things that we used to do. I even forgot her birthday this year.” She said as a few tears escaped her eyes. As hard as she tried she just couldn’t hold them back.
“You had a lot going on, I’m sure it wasn’t that you forgot. Maybe you just got a little too caught up in everything going on.”
“I miss her so much. There’s so much that would have never happened if she never died.” Her tears were finally flowing freely.
“I know this might come out the wrong way, but you have to look at it both ways. Yea a lot of bad things may have happened but look at all the good things that happened for you too.”
“I know, and when I think like that I feel like such a horrible person. Being grateful for all the things that have happened since then makes me feel like I’m happy that she died.”
“Ash you’re not a horrible person, being grateful for what you have now doesn’t mean that you’re happy about what lead to it. Who knows, maybe she helped all those things to happen.”
“I guess you’re right.” She sighed as her tears continued to flow.
He wished he could stop her pain, but he knew this was something inevitable so he did the only thing that he could. “Come here.” He said pulling her forward and into a hug. “I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, but this is something you just have to let out.”
She cried into his shoulder for a few moments longer before she was able to regain her composure. “I probably look like a total psycho mess.” She said pulling away and wiping the tears from her eyes.
“It’s ok, it works for you.” He teased with a smirk.
“Your such a loser.” She laughed smacking his chest playfully.
“But it made you smile.”
“Thank you.” She hugged him again and staying rested against him.
“For?” he said wrapping his arms around her.
“Listening and making me not feel like a total bum.” She said making herself more comfortable.
“It’s what I’m here for babe.”
“Babe?” she laughed.
“Sorry, force of habit…its part of the tour lingo. Babe, sweetheart, Hun…it all becomes a part of our everyday vocabulary.”
“Way to make a girl feel special.” She teased.
“Shut up. You know you’re special.”
“Oh yea? How am I special?” she tilted her head so she could see him.
“Cuz I actually care about you.” He said without thinking.
She didn’t say anything but just smiled, satisfied by his answer, and turned to look up at the night sky.
“It’s kind of chilly out here.” She finally spoke up after a few moments of silence.
“Do you wanna go back inside?” he asked.
“No, I just wish I had a jacket.”
“I have an idea, sit up for a minute.” Nick said. She did as instructed and he unzipped his sweatshirt. “There’s room for two.”
“You sure?” she laughed looking at his goofy smile.
“Yeah, come on in, the weathers nice and warm in here.”
“You’re such a dork.” She laughed as she slid her arms in the sleeves and zipped it up.
“Dork, maybe but it worked right?” he laughed.
“Yes much better.” She said closing her eyes.
He looked down and studied her face that was still stained with tears. He meant what he said, he really did care for her, more then she could understand. He leaned his head against the top of hers as she rested. She fit so perfectly in his arms and her being there just felt right. He wished he could just tell her how he felt but every time he worked up the nerve he couldn’t get the right words out or it wasn’t the right time.
“Can I ask you something…and it’s kind of lame so you can’t laugh.” She said timidly.
“Shoot.” He said snapped from his thoughts of her.
“Can you sing me a song?” she said with even more apprehension.
“A song?” he smirked at her.
“It’s lame, I know, but you’re voice just makes me feel better. Don’t laugh but when I was a little teeny bopper as you and Alex like to call it any time I was really upset about something I’d listen to your song on Millennium.”
“It’s not lame, it’s cute. I’ll sing for you if you promise to play me one of your songs soon.”
“Deal.” She smiled.
“Any special requests?” he laughed a little.
“No, whatever you want.” She said as she closed her eyes again.
“Ok let me think.” He said as he racked his brain for the perfect song. After a moment he thought of one that he had recently heard. When he heard it the lyrics reminded him of her and he knew it was the right one. “Ready?”
“Yea.” She nodded.
“I see you standing here, but you’re so far away. Starving for your attention, you don’t even know my name.
You’re going through so much but I know that I could be the one to hold you.
Every single day, I find it hard to say I could be you’re alone. You will see someday that all along the way I was yours to hold. I was yours to hold.
I see you walking by, your hair always hiding your face. I wonder why you’ve been hurting. I wish I had someway to say.
You’re going through so much don’t you know that I could be the one to hold you.
Every single day, I find it hard to say I could be you’re alone. You will see someday that all along the way I was yours to hold. I was yours to hold.
I’m stretching but you’re just out of reach. You should know I’m ready when you’re ready for me. And I’m waiting for the right time, for the day I catch your eye to let you know that I’m yours to hold.
Every single day, I find it hard to say I could be you’re alone. You will see someday that all along the way I was yours to hold. I was yours to hold.
I’m stretching but you’re just out of reach, I’m ready when you’re ready for me…”
“I love that song.” She smiled, opening her eyes as he finished.
“It has a really good meaning.” He said hoping she might catch the hidden message in the song.
“Why are you so amazing?” she said as she closed her eyes again and sighed lightly.
“Huh?” he said, caught slightly off guard.
“You always know exactly what to say or do to make me feel better.”
“I guess I just get you.” He shrugged as he felt her breathing begin to steady. “Don’t fall asleep on me. If you’re tired let’s go back inside.”
“No, I like it out here. I’m not sleeping, just resting my eyes.”
“Ok.” He chuckled a little. A few minutes later he could tell she was just staring to doze off. He shook her gently. “Come on Ash, we’re going inside.”
“Ok.” She said trying to sit up, forgetting she was still confined by his sweatshirt.
“Let me help you.” He said not being able to hold in his laugh. He unzipped the sweatshirt so she could get up and then pulled it off handing it to her.
“Won’t you be cold?” she said holding it in her hand.
“It’s not that far back to the room, I’ll be fine.”
“Thanks.” She smiled slipping it on and zipping it up before standing up. She laughed looking down at herself. The sweatshirt practically reached her knees. “This is really comfy, don’t expect to be getting it back.” She said with a smirk.
“No way! I’ll fight you for it, that’s my favorite one.” He said with a slight whine.
“I was just kidding you big baby.” She said using the extra long sleeve to smack him playfully before yawning.
“Come on let’s get inside before you fall asleep standing up.” He teased standing up.
“Oh you’re so funny.” She said as she began walking the tree-lined pathway back to the main hotel. She smiled to herself as Nick caught up to her and placed his arm around her shoulder. She leaned into him slightly as they continued to walk back to the room.
They reached her door and she sighed pulling out her key and unlocking it.
“Guess I’ll see you in the morning?” he said as she stepped inside the room.
“Ok.” She said still standing in the doorway as he turned to walk back to his room. “Nick?”
“Huh?” he said stopping and turning back to face her.
“Can you stay with me? I don’t really wanna be alone right now.” She said timidly.
“Of course.” He smiled slightly as he made his way back to the door.
She opened it up wider so he could come in and closed it behind him. She walked to the bed and pulled down the covers, climbing in.
“Do you want the remote or anything?” he asked.
She shook her head no and laid back on her pillow waiting for him to join her.
He climbed into the bed next to her and pulled the covers up. It had been a while since she had asked him to stay with her. He was slightly taken back when she moved herself closer to him and rested her head against his chest. Not that he was complaining. He just wasn’t used to her being so assertive. He moved his arm under her so it was wrapping her waist. He couldn’t lie to himself. He liked the feeling of having her so close to him. He could feel her heart beating in time with his as her breathing began to steady. He reached over to switch off the lamp on the side table.
“Nick?” Ashley said through a slight haze.
“Yeah?” he said looking down at her.
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For being such an amazing friend.” She smiled a little as her eyes closed again.
“Friend, right.” He sighed as he switched off the light and closed his eyes, attempting to sleep through the millions of thoughts combing his mind.
Author's Chapter Notes:
sorry for the long delay i've been having some writers block, but here's a long one for you. Hopefully I can get the next one out quickly. Thanks for all sticking with me, I hope you like this one as much as i do :)
Chapter End Notes:
Song was Yours to Hold by Skillet
