A few hours later they had said their goodbyes to Angel and Scott and were halfway to Boston. They had just about an hour left before they reached the venue where they would have to go straight to sound check.
Ashley and Nick were lying on the couch on the bus watching a movie, but as he looked down at her he could tell her thoughts were somewhere else.
"What's on that pretty little mind of yours?" he smiled at her.
"I dunno." she sighed. "Same as before I guess."
"Ash..." he sighed a little.
"I know, I know. I shouldn't care what everyone else thinks, but I can't help it." she shrugged.
"I know its hard. I deal with it everyday, but if you let it get to you it will either eat you alive or drive you crazy."
"I know you're right, but this whole being hated thing is gonna take a while to get used to."
"No one hates you." he couldn't help but laugh a little at the look she gave him. "Ok so maybe a few people will...but can you blame them?" he teased with a smirk.
"You're such a loser. Stop making me smile every time I'm trying to be upset." she teased him with a playful shove.
"Well good luck getting me to stop. As cute as you look with that little pout on your face I like you a lot better with your beautiful smile."
"Ok ok Casanova." she laughed a little before shifting her position so she could kiss him.
"I also like that too." he said with a little smirk. She shook her head with a laugh and kissed him once more before turning her attention back to the movie.
"So can I ask you something?" he said as the movie came to an end a short while later.
"Shoot." she said switching off the TV and sitting up on the couch to face him.
"I should probably just mind my own business, but what about things with your brother?"
"What about them?" she shrugged nonchalantly.
"I feel bad that its my fault you're kinda fighting."
"Nick, it is in no way your fault." she frowned a little, feeling bad that he felt that way. "He's mad at me for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you."
"Like?" he said curious as to what it was that was so bad. AJ had already hinted at a shady past earlier, and even though he knew he shouldn't pry it had left him quite curious.
She sighed and bit her lip, unsure whether or not it was a good idea to open up the closet of her past so soon. She knew it wasn't anything that would scare him away, necessarily, but was she ready to put her whole life out there? He could sense her apprehension and stepped in before she could say anything.
"You don't have to tell me, really it's none of my business anyway."
"No, you should know. Question is do you want the long version or the entire story?" she laughed just a little.
"You tell me as much as you want me to know."
"I was very rebellious to say the least when I was in high school." she started off. "When I first moved in with Alex it was because my mom was pretty much at the end of her rope trying to figure out how to handle me. I was sneaking out all the time to go to parties, dating guys that were too old for me and definitely no good, drinking a lot and getting into fights at school. Pretty much anything I could do to drive her crazy I did, and for the most part I got away with it. So my mom wanted to move me back to Florida so that she would have Tony's help raising me but I flipped out. I didn't want to leave my school and my friends so Alex said I could live with him. He knew a lot more about all the trouble I had been getting into and he was a lot more strict with me and for a while it worked."
"Then?"
"Then summer came...and it was pretty much a solid year of a really bad downward spiral. You guys started working again, I got a car and had a lot more freedom. Alex didn't have as much time to focus on me and he kind of let his guard down a little and unfortunately I took full advantage of that." she sighed. "I started partying again but since my boyfriend at the time lived in Hollywood we were hitting up clubs and bigger parties rather then my little high school parties. Evereything was really good at first but then Ryan and his friends got pretty popular in town because their parents were all doctors so they pretty much had an unlimited supply of any prescription drug you could think of."
Nick raised a brow at her in question. She knew he could already tell where the story was going.
"Yeah." she said as if answering an unspoken question. "Once they realized how much they could make having parties they started throwing weekly pill parties at different hotels. The problem was the more popular they got the harder it was staying under the radar. On top of that Ryan pretty much knew he was untouchable because his dad was a lawyer and could get him out of anything. So one night he got stupid and got a DUI on the way home from one of the parties. It would of been fine except he couldn't keep his mouth shut and was talking shit to one of the cops. So instead of just getting a warning they bring him in for the DUI and I get in trouble for underaged drinking. It didn't help that at the time Ryan's dad was working a big case against some guy who killed someone driving drunk on the freeway. Needless to say the news was all over it. So Alex got wind that they were trying to print my little incident along with Ryan's charges in the story to try and hype it up even more so he got hold of whoever it was and paid them off so they wouldn't run my name. I thought that was all great because my mom wouldn't find out but after all the photographers found out he was willing to pay more then the sleaze magazines to keep me out of them they pretty much stalked me everywhere I went. I couldn't go to any club or party without someone popping up. So now Alex is getting contacted by all these people which pissed him off even more. Needless to say with everything going on I was kind of indefinitely grounded. He wanted me to break up with Ryan but I promised him that if he would let me keep seeing him that I would stop with the clubs and parties and keep my name out of the papers. And I kept that promise, until last night that is."
"Wow." Nick said unsure of what exactly to say.
"Oh it gets even better. We're only up to the end of the summer." she sighed taking a long deep breath before continuing. "So that whole summer with all the parties and everything I was good. I would drink at the parties but I never took any pills. It just really wasn't my thing. So now school started up again and I was really stressed. It was my junior year and I had a lot on my plate with shows and these honors courses I was taking. It was like there were never enough hours in the day. So Ryan said he'd help me out and give me some pills to help me focus and give me more energy. I said no at first, but after failing a few tests I knew I needed something to help me. So he gave me some Adderall which pretty much keeps you awake as long as you need to be. I didn't think much of it because he had been taking them for a while to keep up with his school work and stay on top in football. But it was crazy. There were sometimes I didn't sleep for almost a week straight, but I had a good routine going and it wasn't affecting me too much, at least for the first few months. I was on top of all my classes and had enough time to actually have a life. So then Christmas break came and I decided to cut myself off and just let my body chill out and relax, try to get back to normal. Trouble is it had been so long since my body was running on its own I pretty much just crashed for like 3 days straight. That was kind of enough of a wakeup call for me to not want to start up with it again, but once school started I couldn't manage it all without it. The problem was this time my body reacted different. I was barely eating, I was anxious all the time and I lost so much weight I almost looked sick. I knew if the school found out about it I could get kicked out so I talked to Ryan and he gave me Xanax to kind of counter the anxiousness and help me calm down, but it just made it worse. By April I was a mess and Alex was well past suspicious and we pretty much had it out. He threatened to take me out of school and send me to treatment. I told him I could quit cold turkey and over Easter break I just crashed and finished the rest of the school year out clean for the most part. Looking back on it now I know it was stupid and dangerous and I wish I could do it all different, but thankfully it didn't end up having a really bad effect on me." she let out a breath of relief as she finished and looked up at Nick. She had rambled so quickly she wasn't even sure if he had kept up. They sat in silence for a moment while Nick took all the information in and she waited for his response.
"So the moral of the story is you sure know how to pick winners, huh?" Nick said with a slight smile trying to lighten the mood.
"Sad part is, he was probably the best out of all the guys I've dated in the past few years." she shook her head laughing, glad he had taken it all well.
"Yea that is pretty bad." they both laughed a little. "And he doesn't like me again, why?"
"Exactly what I'm trying to figure out." she shook her head. "So is my past too shameful for you?" she said somewhat joking, but really wanting to know what he thought.
"Hey, we all do stupid things when we're young. Believe me I've done my fair share of stupid shit just like your brother has." Nick said taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You live, you learn and you move on. At least AJ was cool about it."
"Ha, I wish." she shook her head a little.
"So then what happened after that?"
"Well, he and I were still on really bad terms, he just couldn't trust me and he still wanted me to go into treatment, but I refused. So we met halfway and come summer I went to stay with Brian and Leighanne in Georgia for six weeks to get me out of LA. By the time I came back we both had time to chill out and we agreed to put it in the past and start fresh again. Things have been a little rocky for us since then, but for the most part were back to normal.We just try not to bring it up much, but every time he gets mad at me he finds a way to sneak it in there."
"Just like today." Nick said finally putting it all together.
"Exactly. I think he's still really resentful towards it all."
"Why?"
"Honestly I know he blames it all on himself. He feels like if he would have never screwed up that a lot of the things I've done wouldn't have happened. I've told him a million times that its not his fault but I know he still holds it against himself."
"You can tell him all you want it's not his fault, doesn't mean he'll believe you." Nick said with a sigh.
"Speaking from experience?"
"I think any of us who have had family problems feel that in some way it was our fault." he shrugged knowing she knew what he was referring to in his own life.
"I guess you're right." she sighed.
"So you think things will turn out ok with you guys this time?" Nick said hoping it would.
"Yeah. I know he didn't mean what he said, but I do think we need to have a talk. I need to know that he's really ok with things between us."
"Us meaning the two of you or me and you?"
"A little bit of both." she laughed slightly. "I don't know, I'm sure we'll sort it out though, we always do."
Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter was a hard one to write for me, but it reveals a lot about what happened between where the last story left off and this one picked up...hopefully it will give you good insight as to why AJ got so mad at Ashley...enjoy and please let me know what you think!
