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He was locked away in detox for about seven days. He had said bye to Miss Kris. He had looked at her with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was like he said he hope this was it but what was this feeling now? It was hopeless to him anyways.Yet he couldn't stop acting like she was the last person he would ever see again. Why wouldn't Nick believe him when he said that this place would kill him? Was it because he was feeling so much grief for what happened to everything in his life or his family? He didn't know but now he knew that he was locked up in this white padded room with things to do like color or draw because it would drive him bonkers if he stayed in there alone and did nothing. So Miss Kris gave him those things but it was also a strategy for him because it gave him some security of measure. It gave him room to think and just listen to his own self this time. It was day one in this hell hold but he would make it through. He always did and he always knew how. This should be breeze but this was only consider night one of it. This would be the first of losing his sanity.

That night of day one he was alone. He never felt this type of loneliness. Not the loneliness of where you would yell for someone and then realize that they werent coming for you. It wasnt the type of loneliness of where you were looking around the room and trying to find away out so you didnt deal with yourself. He decided to write. This was his other option. He could write it down then burn the book later and not ever remember the pain. This was his reason of drinking. He knew that and he also had it programmed in his head that he was the screw up of the guys and that the one person he truly failed was dead now. Then he thought it.. no.. he said it. Was it time for him to speak to Kevin in here? No, it was too soon so he rolled over and said "Hell, i cant even talk to my brother without doing something wrong and hes dead." With that note, he fell asleep and started over with day two. This would be hell.

~~~~

He woke up the next morning. "Great, day two. My whole first day. This truly will be hell now." He scruffled and went over to his paper pad and crayons. He smirked at himself and then laughed. "I guess I am a child." He layed on the floor and thought over to himself and he kept thinking over and over. Then he felt it. He needed a smoke so bad but he couldn't. He had to listen to Miss Kris. He promised Nick that he wouldnt be trouble. Hell, im not letting that brother down. "So what am i suppose to do, God? Just sit here and talk to you." He moved his body around and started drawing. "Now what can i draw?" He picked up a crayon and then he started to draw a flashback. "God i do mess up alot of things." He drew the time when he got caught in the middle of a fight. This fight was always the cause of him though. He always started it anyways. His flashback took him to the time when Nick and him got into it because of a stupid girl. "That was a stupid reason to fight, God. Now that i think about it." He, for once had ask god to forgive him. This was crazy. He sat there for a few hours with nothing but thoughts on his mind. As the night approached, this is what scared him the most. He didn't like the dark. It made him think of how truly alone he was. This would be the cause if he ever gave in. He layed there on the floor and looked up at the ceiling. He started singing to himself. This would be it for him. He would crack but yet not so easily. He started thinking what his brothers were doing. He missed his brother's kids. He wanted to make everything better. He had to make himself better first.
His thoughts processed in his head, he would start his day off tomorrow like he did today.

~~~~~~

Around day five, he was started to look horrible and he was started to smell awful. Day three and four was the same as day two. So he was fine but today he seems more moody more upset. Then he was hit.. he finally spoke... "Kevin, bro. Im sorry I let you down. Im sorry for how i am. Ill try harder and make things better. Ill make things right this time. Help me bro. I know your up there just dont leave me. Im not ready to be by myself on this. I have Nick and i had you. Sometimes i think Brian and Howie, both, didnt want to help me. You and Nick were all i had but now its just Nick. I know your spirit is here. I feel it. Im sorry. Forgive me. God forgive me. I want to forgive myself."

He sat there in a corner til night fall. He was by himself. He, now truly felt alone. This was it for him. He looked like he seen a ghost and he wouldn't even move. He started singing again. He did this because it made him feel comfortable. It gave him some security. He ended up truly sleeping there. The man had literally sung himself to sleep.

~~~~

He was sleeping then started screaming. It was afternoon of day six. He just started screaming and then couldnt breathe. He clutched up his fists and banged it a couple of times on the padding of the room. Did he want to finally let the hurt inside of him get to him? I think he
did because he was willing to scream about it.Then again, he was not only screaming but crying. He hit his rock bottom a day before he was even out of this room. He was falling apart right after each sob. He couldnt tell if its because of the things he was thinking about, like Kevin or all the fights he ever caused. He was finally
listening to his heart though. It was his cry to show that there was faith in him still yet. He grabbed the padding on the floor one more time, holding his gut. He was screaming again. The only scream that was telling the counselors he was ready for tomorrow because he was fighting the pain and the addiction at the same time. He was battling himself with every scream. Was this truly it for him? It wasnt it for him. He was just allowing all the suffering to now take over his body. He didn't notice that his mind had allow him to make drawings on the floor. He didn't notice that he was drawing things he remembered when he was drunk. He didn't know the true damage but it was the crying and the emotion he was putting into it. He wasn't thinking. He was a shell of what use to be. He didn't even see the sun go down outside of the little cracks on top of the wall. He just knew it would be lights out soon and he could maybe sleep though another night. The last night he had there.

~~~~~~~

The morning after, Alex woke up with a bruise on himself. He had a headache then he realized that he had really lost it and he's still losing it now. He banged on the door, just asking for someone to let him out. When the door finally opened, he was relieved because there was Miss Kim waiting on the other side.

"How do you feel, Mr. Mclean.?"
"I feel horrible. I feel like i need a shower. I feel like i want my brother, Nick here."

He almost said that with tears running down his face but he managed.

"Well, in time Mr. Mclean. He will visit you next week sometime. Just be cool and collected. We are now off to a private meeting."

"Ok."

He was following her so he could get cleaned up and be on time for their meeting in two hours. This would be hard. But yet he knew he could probably do it since he was out of that wicked room. He didn't ever want to be in that place again because of how desperately he felt alone. He
got cleaned up for a moment and then went to the room he was assigned in and he sat there on his bed. He was thinking of how much he missed people he knew. He knew that he would hurt them or let some of them down if he didn't stay. So he just sat there and thought about everything he felt. Was he well prepared for this meeting with Miss Kris? Emotions will continue to run high with him. He was on his verge of step one.