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She walks in to his room, pen and notepad in her hands as she sits in the chair by his bed.
“So tell me Mr. Mclean how did you like your room?
"I didn't like it one bit.”
"Well I’m sorry it’s not supposed to be likeable Mr. Mclean, now I think it’s time to start our meeting. How did it make you feel having no one but yourself to talk to in there?”
“It made me feel awful like I was all alone with no one to care for me but myself and that’s a scary thing to have to think about.”
"What made you scream like you did and bang on the floor?"
“It was nothing,” he said as he turned away.
"Come on Mr. Mclean you have to let me in so I can begin to help solve your problems."
She says that as she gets up to walk towards him.
"I just can’t talk about it you wouldn’t understand."
When she walks towards him she grabs hold of his arm. She looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I would understand Mr. Mclean you have to trust me."
He looked dead straight in her eyes and saw the sincereness that came from inside her. He knew at that moment he could trust her and that’s when he broke down all barriers of his soul.
"I think I could trust you, I just don’t know how to yet.”
"You’re doing great Mr. Mclean but if we are working on trust then you can call me Kris if it’s more comfortable for you.”
"I will take that in to thought, Kris and you may call me Alex, feel privileged because not very many people get to know him.”
"Alex, I am going to ask you some personal questions this could get very intense. Are you ok to keep going?”
"Yes I’m comfortable proceeding with the questions.”
"The first question I want to ask you is, what was your childhood like when you were a boy?”
"I didn’t really have a normal childhood like all the other kids when I was younger. My childhood was very difficult at times because of the bastard who called himself my father. I can remember many times as a child wishing that I could have what every other kid on the block had and that was a father who gave a damn. No one but my mother knows this, for Christmas one year, when I was about 8, all I wanted that year was my dad to walk through the door with presents and take me and my mom back but do you think that happen... No instead he shows up drunk and then tells my mom and grandparents he has a new family one with no mistakes in it...”
He stares into space with a stiffened look on his face.
"Alex if you seem uncomfortable by any of the questions just say pass then I'll move on to the next one, ok?"
“I won’t pass any of them. I know I have to let this out or we will never get close to fixing my damaged soul."
“Very well, I was just making sure you were ok about continuing with this meeting.”
She sighs to herself thinking, “I would so hug him right now poor guy looks so vulnerable.”
"KRIS, Kris.”
He yells her name again looking straight in her face waving his hand in front of her. She straightens herself back up and she looks back at him. This time she was only looking deeper into his eyes.
She saw something there but what it was, she had no clue about. All she knew was that she was trying to help him because she knew it was what he needed. She could know see the sincereness in and of his eyes. She was feeling his pain.
“Kris. Are you ok?”
“Huh? What? Oh yes, where were we?”
“Did you have nothing question?”
“Yes, Mr. Mclean. What has your love life been like?”
God knows it took a lot of guts for her to ask. Knowing that it was private and he probably didn’t want to be asked that. The thing is it had to be done. This bond would go a little bit further than what it should.
“Well, my relationships weren’t always the best. See, I have had two broken off engagements and girls that just want me for money.
"What happened that caused you to break off your engagement?”
He looked down at his hands and wonder if there was any way of explaining how he truly felt but then again he just came out and said it. He lifted his hand and looked straight at her with a hardness in his face. He finally spoke.
"Well Sarah got mad at me because I decided my problems were way more important than our wedding at the moment. So that’s why our engagement is off right now. Sometimes I think she only loves me when the spotlight is on her so it makes a good impression.”
"Well I’m sorry to hear that Alex. So I take it she hates you being here right now, seems shallow on her part if you ask me.”
He wanted to smile at her about that reply but he wasn’t supposed to feel this close to his counselor. He was thinking inside his mind that “this could get complicated if you start feeling for her. She’s helping you, Mclean. Now act like you’re offended.” He did just that too. This was hard for him to push away someone who was willing to care for him and give a damn about him, someone that wasn’t Nick. Here he was, now pretended to be offended. Sighing, he finally spoke.
"Well I didn’t ask you Kris, but I'll worry about that when I get out of here.”
"I’m sorry Alex, I'll move on to the next question.”
"It’s ok. I just get really touchy when it comes to that subject. I’m sorry, continue please.”
He knew it was a lie. He wasn’t touchy on the subject. He was touchy on the fact that he might be a bachelor for the rest of his life. He just held that part in. He held back on a few more times with this meeting. He was ready for whatever she was preparing him for.

Kris looked at him and studied him for a couple of minutes. She knew he wasn’t ready for half of the questions that she was playing in her mind. Though she knew he had to talk about all these issues in his life. “Maybe I’m moving too fast on this.” She thought this then thought “I have to do this. God please forgive me for doing this to such a nice guy.” Little did she know that asking this question was going to make them closer.

"It’s ok Alex. Here is the next question, how did Kevin die?”
He took a deep breath as he heard Kevin’s name just ring in his ear. This was going to tear him down as much as it could. He didn’t cry. He didn’t look up. He just looked at his hands before he finally spoke to Kris. When he looked up, he looked into her eyes.
She looked at him and knew that this was hard for him. She also didn’t know why he just sat there and then she heard his voice with barely any audio to it.

"I knew this question was coming. Please forgive me if it takes awhile to answer. It’s hard for me to talk about it. He died after a really bad car accident...

He held his hands together but he continued. A tear started to come down his eye. He was starting to hurt and feel the pain even worse. Then he felt lightheaded. He never forgave himself. Why hadn’t he died instead of Kevin? He never forgave himself. He was driving that rainy night. Then he told it like it was. With a few more tears sliding down his face.

“I remember it, like it was just yesterday, all the screaming and the flames. I never got to say goodbye but at least he knew I loved him. He knew I would never let him down but yet I feel like I did. I feel like I’m the reason why he died. Then I know him. He would say “It’s not your fault. You didn’t see him coming.” He knew I loved him, that’s one thing I said before his accident.”

He didn’t cry as hard but it was enough to know that tears were there. Kris sat there, watching him. She felt bad and went over to wrap her arms around him. He gave into her. He cried hard this time. He spoke to her in a gentle voice.

“I can’t believe you’re not laughing at me for showing emotions when I talk about this.”
She held him tighter to her. She was starting to bond with him. Was this possible? No, it’s not, it’s breaking the rules. She didn’t want this. He didn’t know if he was ready to let go yet and he didn’t know how to feel about Kris. He did like the security and the fullness she gave him. Then again, it was early. This was their first meeting for crying out loud. But she did just grab him and held him closer.

"Alex, I will never laugh at you. It’s ok to show your emotions that’s how you learn to show your true self.”

“How do I feel all of this?”

“What do you feel, Alex?”

“I feel…. Like…”

He didn’t finish his sentence before his roommate came in.

“I think that’s enough for today, Mr. Mclean.”
“I thought you were going to call me Alex?”
“Shhh… It’s ok, Alex.”

She whispered it into his ear.

“I could get in trouble for being this close, Alex.”
“Oh Ok. Then why did you have me…”
“You have a good heart, that’s why. Now go to sleep, Mr. Mclean.”

He smirked at the comment and thought “She wants me. I knew it.” Then he laughed at that thought before she left.

“What’s funny, Mr. Mclean?”
“Oh, nothing really, Miss Kris.”

He smirked and she smiled at what he was laughing about. She had one big idea about what he was laughing about. She was laughing at the thought too. He thought maybe his life would get better now. He didn’t normally do this but this is what he did. He got on his knees and prayed to God and Kevin above.

“God, Kevin. I know you’re listening to me. I want to be continued on being forgiven. I want to make this life better. You seem to help me a lot with the weight that was lifted off my shoulder. So I say thank you so much. Please continue to help me and be here. Also please bless Kris with everything in the world.”

He ended his prayer with an amen and went to sleep. He would continue his meetings and chores over the next few months. He was working hard everyday and gave no one any trouble. He kept Nick in his mind and his other brothers too. It would be a month before he got to see Nick again.

“Kim, you kept telling me that Nick would visit me each week. It’s been three weeks. What’s going on?”

“Alex, I assure you he will be here this week. He’s coming during one of our group sessions.”

“Our group sessions, what is that?”
“The group session that happens every Thursday. The one, that I’ve kept you from for a while.”
“The one you said I wasn’t prepared for just yet?”
“Yep, that’s the one. You will have our private meetings and those meetings. You got that, Alex?”
“Yes, I do Kris.”

He grabbed her elbow and then squeezed it. This made her jump a little. It was his way of saying thank you. She replied your welcome through her smile. He was falling for her within a month. The rules were no girlfriends though. He wasn’t ready for anything not until he resolved issues. This would be difficult especially on Thursday with Nick.

~~~

He sits on his bed thinking “oh god why are you doing this to me? It’s Thursday am I really ready for group sessions, can’t back down now Kris won’t allow it even if I pretended to whine she will make me go.”
He was still in deep thought as his roommate walked in and said “woo bro, our counselor is one hot babe too bad we can't have girlfriends I'd tap that in a minute.” “Shut up man, besides she wouldn’t give you the time or day to save your life.” Eddy smirks “ha yeah please like your any better at least I’m only here because I tried killing myself not because I’m a drug addict.” Alex clenches his fists, wanting to hit eddy but just walks out the room into the hallway very upset. Kris sees him in the hallway pulls him to the side and asks “what’s wrong Alex?" He shrugs her off and says “nothing, don’t worry about it” as he starts to pull away from her. She says “ok fine sorry, I'll be here when you’re ready to talk about it.”
Letting go of him she walks into the room where group is going to take place with a hurt look on her face, sitting down in her chair waiting for everyone to calm down and get quiet. She looks down at her paperwork for a moment and then when she looks up she sees Alex walking in heading towards Nick. That’s when she stands up and walks over to him. Kris lowers her voice to tell him "Alex you can’t sit with Nick I know that’s where you want to sit but you can’t." “But Kris I..."
He sees Nick out the corner of his eye giving him a look and he decides not to argue with Kris going over to the empty seat beside eddy. He sits there listening to the rules of the meeting and how they will go. When the meeting has finally started, he sat there listening to everyone go through their pain. While they were he was staring at Nick. Kris looks towards Alex "whenever you’re ready you can start hashing out your problems with each other and absolutely no physical contact, boys."
~~~
“I hate how I get judge because of women I date how is that fair Nickolas?" “You’re blowing that way out of proportion bone it’s not like that at all."
“Then what is it Nickolas because that’s what it sounds like on my side of the fence."
“There you go again, always turning everything around to make me or one of the guys look bad just because you have fucked up relationships."
“Well at least my relationships don’t get put in the tabloids and make me look like a woman beater or womanizer Nickolas.”
"F**K YOU"
“Oh I’m sorry Nick, it’s true though and at least I will find true love in one of my relationships."
“Whoa boys stop it right there Nick you’re not supposed to sit here and point fingers, Alex smirks thinking she’s on his side...And you Mr. Mclean are to sit here shut up listen and then state your answers but only if they fix your problems got it?"
“Yes ma’am I’m sorry...”
"Don’t just listen."

They didn't solve their relationship but they will worry about that later. Kris is really going to test them she says, "Boys talk about Kevin."
~~~
"I can't believe you killed Kevin, why did you even drink that night?"
"I didn’t kill him you asshole it was raining and I was mad at Sarah that’s why I drank."
Oh that’s an excuse you could have stopped Alex you always make excuses."
"How was I supposed to see the other driver Nick? I’m killing myself inside because of what happened to Kevin, you don’t know what kind of pain I live with everyday."
“What kind of pain, we go through pain too but you don’t see us drinking ourselves to death.”
“WHY DO YOU THINK IM HERE NICK, TO GET HELP YOU BROUGHT ME HERE I THOUGHT YOU CARED... GUESS NOT."
“I do care Alex otherwise I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t."
“If you cared then why do you blame me for Kevin’s death? When the whole thing was an accident."
“Why because I wanted to see how you really felt.”
“I’m in hell Nick that’s how I feel everyday because Kevin’s gone because I made the choice to drink and drive there I said it is that what you wanted?"
“No that’s not what I wanted Alex. I just wanted to know because I’m in just as much pain as you are. I had to live with the fact that I might of lost 2 brothers that day not just one."
“I’m sorry Nick. I didn’t realize how traumatizing all that was for you. I love you bro that’s why I’m still here I think."
“Your here because you want to be and you want help it’s ok to cry and let others in I love you bro."
“I love you too Nicky. I just wish the other guys could be here but they hate me."
“They don’t hate you they just are angry at the whole situation but they gave me these for you. They’re cards from the fans."
“Thanks Nicky I’m sorry about earlier. I just… I’m not used to feeling this vulnerable in fact it scares me. I guess that’s a good thing.”
"Yes it’s good it’s ok to be vulnerable at times. That’s how you fix yourself.”

The meeting went on for 2 more hours. Nick and Alex bonded closer than they were before. When it was time for nick to go, Alex was sad. He didn’t know when or where he’d see nick again but at least now he didn’t feel so alone.
~~~