Chapter 7 – Tara
“So, what do we do about this?” Tara asked looking at the book in her hands.
“Read it to me!” Jess made herself comfortable in the bed, piling up her pillows behind her.
“You sure?” Tara looked at her friend, shifted on the bed and put her cold feet under the covers.
“Yeah. Start around here…” Jess flipped through the pages and found the dates she was looking for. “That’s when she realised she was sick.”
“Ok.” Tara cleared her throat.
“July 1st, 2002. I just came back from the doctor. He says I have leukaemia. Blood cancer. I’m starting treatments as soon as possible, and my chances are good. I’ll make it through this. I have to.”
Tara hid her face in her hands. “I can’t do this. I miss her so, Jess.”
“Me too, Tara. Me too.” Jessica’s eyes were misty.
“I’ll skip this… nothing interesting, just terrible.” She turned a few pages.
“Here: August 14th. I’m not responding to the treatments. I don’t know what to do. And I haven’t told Nick. Haven’t talked to him since I started treatments. Can’t put it all on him. Everyone thinks I’ve told him, but I haven’t. I’m a terrible person for lying. Terrible.”
Tara gasped. “Oh my god. She didn’t tell him.”
“Of course she did. Read on.” Jess looked angry.
“Ok. August 19th. I broke up with Nick. I didn’t tell him about me. Just said that it wasn’t working, that I didn’t want to be with him. I hate myself for doing it, but I had to. I’m so sad. I can’t do this without him. But he deserves someone who’s gonna live. And I won’t. I can feel it. This isn’t going to have a happy ending. I don’t wanna die. I’m scared. And alone. How am I going to be able to leave Jess behind?”
Tara stopped reading, she couldn’t force the words through the tears anymore. They just kept streaming down her face. She lifted her eyes to look at Jess, and saw her face all white. “Are you ok?”
Jess didn’t answer, just shook her head and pulled the covers over it. Tara wiped her cheeks and looked down into the diary again. Silent she read the last lines.
“I lied. I told Jess and the others that he left me. They wouldn’t understand why I did this. I miss him though. I miss him so.”
Tara put her hand on Jess’s back and patted her gently. As she put the book down it opened to the very last page. Tara read the shaky writing.
“Secrets. That’s what I bring with me to the other side. All the lies I told them. That, and the love I have for them in my heart. For Mum and Dad. Jess and Tara. Nick. The knowledge that I did it all to protect them. I’ll never let that go.
If I’m allowed to get up tomorrow, I’ll go out and burn this book. It shouldn’t be left behind me, and I can’t bring it. And I’m going soon. Far too soon. Jess is knocking on my door now, she’ll sit with me for awhile. I’ll write more when she’s gone to bed. Love, Jenn.”
Tara closed the book knowing that Jenn had died less than 30 minutes after writing what she’d just read. The pain was indescribable. She wrapped her arms around her knees and cried.
Author's Chapter Notes:
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