I wasn’t very hungry; I just picked at the half eaten pancakes on my plate. I nervously tapped my foot as I waited for the inquisition to begin. I scolded myself for making things obviously much bigger than they were. Why did I always feel like everyone was out to get me? I guess my current situation had me a little on the edge, more than usual and sitting so close to Alex didn’t help matters. It was all just very awkward and I was beginning to regret coming. It had seemed like a good idea when I’d agreed to it at first, but now all wanted to do was just go back to my room and get away from it all, but mostly I wanted to get away from him.
The longer I sat there next to him, the more I thought about our old friendship, how things were, as opposed to how things are now. Hearing him joking around with his friends and laughing, sitting there so close to me without so much as acknowledging me was beginning to get to me. I know it shouldn’t have, after all, this had all become routine years ago, but for the first time since, I felt a little bitter towards him at that instant.
Halfway through the dinner, or should I say early breakfast it was Leighanne who slightly touched the topic I was hoping all night to avoid. “I was surprise when Leigh told us you were coming.”
“Yeah, well you know, it’s been a while since I’ve been out, it was well overdue.”
“Couldn’t agree with you more,” she said. “You really should come out with us more often.”
Okay, Leighanne was just a sweetheart, I really have no complaints about her, but she is just a little too sweet for my taste and she has a habit of trying to lend a helping hand even when it hasn’t been asked for. She means well but somehow it always ends up backfiring on her and the more she tries to fix things the worse they get. But you got to love her for it though, still I chose to maintain my distance.
I was expecting about a million other questions to surface after that comment but not a single one was mentioned. Which was weird and led me to wondering why? Why had no one asked? Was there something going on there, something that I was unaware of? As the paranoia settled, I began questioning if I just would have been better if they had. Perhaps Leigh had already enlightened them of my dilemma, or at least the part that I had told her of.
“Well, this past week has been really rough on us all.” Brian said. “That’s why I thought it would be great to get together one last time before the holidays.”
Huh, holidays.
“Tell me about it.” Huffed the voice beside me. I couldn’t help but take a peek at him. His eyes met mine but just for a brief second, he offered me a halfhearted smile and quickly cast his gaze on something else. I just as quick settled my own back to my plate and resumed fiddling with my food.
“Good thing it’s almost over.” Added Howie. “And soon we can all be with our families and just relax through the holidays.” He put his arm around his wife.
There it was again; that word. Obviously, Howie’s never been to my house during the uh- must I really say it? There’s nothing relaxing about the- um- yeah…let’s move on shall we?
“You know the first thing I’m going to do,” Leighanne wasn’t really asking if we cared to know, more like telling us, one thing she and my mom have in common. “Is give my mom a big hug and a kiss. I haven’t seen her in a while.”
Ah ughh. I was going to kill Leigh for talking me into this and then I was going to kill myself for allowing her to convince me to come here. How in the world was this in a way going to help me get my mind off the coming weeks and my fa- er- the people that share the same gene pool as me?
I gave the brunette a wicked smile and she look at me with her “I’m sorry” look.
“Leighanne, you’re such a sap.” Nick teased.
“No I’m not, not really.”
“Yes you are.”
Her eyes wondered around the table looking for confirmation.
“You are a little.” Brian delicately put it. “But I love that about you.”
“Am I really that bad?” Her voice was barely above a whisper. Brian patted her on the shoulder and gently kissed her forehead.
Alright, I couldn’t deal with this anymore. I needed a little breather. I slipped outside unnoticed to have a cigarette. As soon as I had, I felt an instant relief. The air was a bit chilly and with the exception of our party, a few other people in the diner and the occasional passing car, the place seemed isolated. I stared deep into the middle of nothing for a long time and I thought of nothing, not my sister getting married, not my mother pressuring me to settle down and find a good man-someone should tell her it’s not that easy, if it were, I would have long since settled. Nothing. My mind was completely blank and I was enjoying the moment of the silence. I’ve always like quiet nights like this, alone just me and the wind. It was a sense of total freedom, where I could just be, without the worry of being judged.
The sound of the door opening behind me interrupted my vacant thoughts. I turned around to see Alex strolling out, reaching for his pocket. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one up of his own.
“So.” He took a drag. “What made you made you decide to come tonight?”
Bam! There it was. The question I was dreading all night. And it figures, he just had to be the person to ask it.
“I know this wasn’t the first time Leigh’s asked you out, so I’m just a little curious…what made you come this time?”
“Oh you know, I just needed to get out for a bit. That’s all.” Wait-did he just say he knew she’d invited me out before?
Okay so now I’m confused. Up until now I was certain that I was nonexistent to him, now I’m finding out that he knew things about me that could mean either he and Leigh had been talking about me, or he’d paid attention to her discussing me with mostly like her husband. Either way it was a shock to me.
He stared at me. It freaked me out some because I couldn’t read him, it was kind of creepy and made me uncomfortable. I was inclined to do something to break away from it. And the only thing I could think of was:
“Where’s Ronnie?” That did the trick; he broke out of… whatever it was he was doing.
“Hmm?”
“I said, where’s Ronnie? I’m surprised she’s not with you tonight. That girl sticks to you like glue.”
He chuckled. “She wasn’t feeling well. Stayed back at the hotel.”
“Oh, I hope she feels better soon.”
“Yeah.”
An uncomfortable silence followed. I’m not really good at these kinds of things. I mean what am I suppose to say to a man that hasn’t spoken to me since we were kids? I had not a clue. Alex, on the other hand, has always been quite the talker, that’s what made it so unnerving, but the silence didn’t last too long.
“I’m really glad to see you again.” He said.
I laughed. “What are you talking about, you see me every day.”
“I mean- you know what I mean Grace. It’s nice to see you outside of work.”
“Oh, so you do remember my name?” I know I shouldn’t have gone there but I just couldn’t refrain.
“Of course, I remember your name; I only hear it like every day.”
I raised a questioning brow. The look on his face was priceless. It’s not too often that someone can embarrass this man, or make him blush.
“At work, and then Leigh’s always like Grace this and Grace that-” I wonder if he noticed the disappointment on my face because he stopped right there in mid sentence. “…and we were good friends once.”
“Yeah, once.” I tried too hard not to choke on my own words that they came out sounding cold, which had not been my intention.
I bit my cheek wanting so bad to correct it but how do you fix something like that without making a bigger fool of yourself? And yes he may have deserved that, he had that one coming for years, and I guess I should have felt better getting it off my chest, but somehow it didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. I had spent many nights, when I was angry with him, thinking of different ways to let him know how I felt, to make him feel just a sting of what I had felt, and now that I had, I didn’t feel so great. I thought I had gotten over the bitter part.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Don’t. Don’t apologize. I know I deserve that and so much more.” He threw his cigarette to the ground and turned it out with the sole of his shoe. “It’s alright.”
Then he walked back inside. I stood there alone again, only this time I didn’t feel that serene peace I had earlier. No, this time I felt like a complete ass. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I peeked, through the glass, at the party of eight, minus one, chatting and having a good time. I watched as Alex just laughed and smiled and carried on as if nothing had happened. Like it didn’t bother him at all, maybe it didn’t. Maybe once again, I was blowing things out of proportion, but I just felt so guilty and I couldn’t shake it off.
I really didn’t want to go back inside; I just stayed there out in the dark until it was time to go. I wasn’t surprised that Leigh was the first to step out. She must have noticed my absence.
“My goodness Grace, you’d think we were at a bar.” She said, noting all the cigarette butts on the pavement. “You really are stressing over this, aren’t you.”
And the prize for stating the obvious goes to…
“Just a little.”
“A little? What did you smoke the whole pack?” Her jaw widened when I said nothing in return. “You did, didn’t you?”
I said nothing. I wasn’t about to admit smoking the entire brand new pack but I wasn’t going to deny it either. I just shrugged.
“You know, chain smoking is bad for your health.” She informed.
“No, I wasn’t aware of that.”
“Gracie, I’m serious, smoking kills.”
“You think if smoked a pack or two a day, it would kill me before next week.”
She pulled me in and wrapped her arm around me, laughing as walked to the car. “Come on, kiddo.” She rubbed my shoulder, comforting me. “It’ll be alright. You’ll survive.”
I pouted like a kid. “I don’t want to go.”
“You wanna come home with me and Howie and visit all of our family instead?”
“Yes.” I answered childishly, we both laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Howie asked.
“Bye Leigh.” Nick yelled.
“Bye.” Lauren joined.
“Bye guys.”
“Bye Grace, it was nice having you.”
I waved back at the blonde and his girlfriend. “Thanks.”
I didn’t know why I was saying thanks or why we were saying goodbye like we weren’t going to see each other. Shit, we were staying in the same hotel. I guess Nick and Lauren had other plans, though I don’t know where they could possibly be going at this hour. Who knows, those two are weird. I guess Leigh knows what she's doing in the love department; she paired those two up just great.
“Nothing,” She said to her husband who was waiting for an answer. “It’s girl stuff. You wouldn’t know about it.”
“Awe, I know girl stuff. I can girl talk too, you know.” He said in a feminine voice.
“Shut it mister.” She snickered. “Always trying to get in other people’s business.”
“Yeah that’s funny coming from you honey.”
“Why does he always have to have the last word?” She said to no one in particular.
Tonight hadn’t gone quite how I expected but I guess it could have been worse too. I thought about Alex on the drive back to the hotel. Had I been a bitch to him? Lord knows I certainly didn’t mean to. Now how was I going to fix this? I had tried to say I was sorry but he hadn’t let me apologize and by the time we’d made it to the lobby I had decided, no, I was determined to speak to him. I was going to apologize and by God, I hoped he would accept it. I was going to march right up to him and tell him. Tomorrow.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Happy New Year!! I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.
Chapter End Notes:
Thank you guys so much for all the fabulous reviews! : )
