February 16th 1999
The black-haired Canadian slowly descended the three steps that led to the middle of the dance floor. He squinted, sighing in annoyance as he tried to locate his friend.
Although he was rather tall, Brian was not, and it was kind of difficult to pick him out in a big crowd.
Great.
They hadn’t even been here for half an hour and he had already lost him. Not that it had been his idea to come here in the first place, but okay. Carefully, he wove himself through the dancing, half-drunk mass. He didn’t actually like those sweaty, suffocating clubs. He knew Brian didn’t either. Or didn’t used to, anyway. He’d been rather different lately.
Dissolute almost.
A flash of relief washed over Peter Robins when he spotted his best friend at the bar, where a big group of girls had accumulated around him. Peter had told the young Southerner that only putting on a cap and some shades wouldn’t keep anyone from recognizing him, let alone a crowd of barely legal girls at a night club. Not at all if they brought AJ McLean with them. Slowly approaching the bar, Peter watched Alex make a big deal of showing off, his voice loud and audible even above the thundering music.
“And that, ladies and gentleman, is exactly why I’m never going on a mountain-bike trip with that dude again,” he yelled, pointing at Brian with a big smirk. The latter’s eyebrows shot up, not impressed. Thoughtful, he took another sip of his drink before answering.
“You’re just a sore loser,” he commented, grinning into his glass.
“It’s not fair, you always win at everything,” AJ whined, “Can’t you just pretend to be bad at something?”
“I suck at darts.”
“Challenge accepted,” AJ smiled. The crowd laughed, mission accomplished.
Peter glared, but made sure AJ couldn’t see it. This was definitely one way to make sure the whole club would be focusing their attention towards them for the rest of the night. Pete knew for a fact that that wasn’t something Brian was particularly fond of. AJ didn’t care. Peter did though. Peter cared a lot.
Why couldn’t the freak just keep his mouth shut and act inconspicuous?
It’s just jealousy, Peter had told himself. Nick, AJ and Brian did everything together lately. Mountain-biking, basketball, tennis, golf, and even clubbing, it appeared.
Peter felt excluded. He watched discontent as the two lined up in front of a dart board. AJs grin never left his face as he watched the darts sum a total of 120 and jumped in triumph.
“Your turn!” he pointed excitedly at Brian who shook his head with a smile.
“You might want to calm down, before you pass out,” the older man pointed out, throwing the darts in an unpractised manner. He didn’t lie when he said he sucked.
“Sixteen!” AJ exclaimed, throwing his arms up, “Sucker!”
“Congrats,” Brian murmured and went to retrieve the darts, not caring that one had missed the board altogether and stuck into the wooden wall around it. Peter followed him with his eyes, feeling his heart leap as he watched the gracefulness in Brian’s walk. He closed his eyes for a second, pushing the intruding thoughts away. When he opened them again, his gaze locked with Brian’s for an instant and the Backstreet Boy nodded slightly. Peter smiled back; glad the singer had finally acknowledged his presence. With a questioning look, Brian pointed at the door and Peter nodded, standing up. AJ was still boasting about his victory, the crowd – mostly girls – hanging on every word he spoke. The boy had only been 21 for a month, but already seemed completely absorbed into the club-life.
Stepping outside into the cool night’s air, Peter shivered slightly. The club had been hot, smothery almost. Outside, the air was almost freezing and he took a deep breath of air, clearing his head. He heard Brian shut the door and turned around.
“Whooo, it’s cold!” he commented and watched the smaller man nod stiffly. Brian had wrapped his arms around himself, trying to preserve some of the warmth, the small puffs of smoke indicating how cold New Jersey really was that night. Watching him, Peter hurriedly shrugged off his jacket and handed it to his friend, who accepted gratefully.
“Thanks,” the singer muttered, his bony frame not quite fitting the large coat. His Canadian friend smiled sincerely.
“Come on,” he suggested and they began walking through the dark night. Although they had been friends for a long time, Peter had never really been alone with Brian. The younger man always had people around him, whether he wanted to or not. Involuntarily, Peter wondered what Seth would think if he saw them like this. Although they hadn’t spoken a word, just enjoying the fresh air, Peter still felt nervous. He’d known Brian for almost two years and had long since learnt not to pay attention to the big commotion a popstar life brought with it. But still, he had a hard time keeping the highly inappropriate thoughts at bay as they walked side by side.
Although Brian knew his friend was gay, he still trusted him. He’d told him that when Peter had eventually disclosed his secret. Why shouldn’t he trust him? Peter was in already in a relationship with Seth, what the hell did it matter?
Right.
Brian trusted him, felt safe around him. There was nothing Peter would ever think of doing to lose that trust. It was one of the things that was most important to him.
But still.
He couldn’t help but wonder if their friendship meant as much to Brian as it did to him. Would it really be so bad to… and what would Seth say about that? Despite the fact he wasn’t wearing a coat anymore, Peter felt himself overheating at the implications his mind was trying to make. He dared a look sideways, at the younger singer who only reached as high as his shoulder. God, the kid was so beautiful, so angelic, so miraculous, so… straight.
Damn him.
Everytime he thought about Leighanne, Peter’s blood began to boil. Sure, she was nice, attentive and very understanding. She also had everything Peter could never have.
Damn her too.
“This is nice,” Brian spoke up, snapping Peter out of his thoughts. “We should do this more often, just… walking around, you know.”
Peter nodded tightly, trying to hide his flushed face. “Y-yeah,” he stammered, “I guess.”
“Yeah,” Brian nodded, “Because everything is always so hectic, it wouldn’t hurt to just… calm down every now and then.”
Peter nodded too, watching Brian’s face intently. Oh God, how was he supposed to keep himself under control like this? How was this even fair? He bit his lip furiously, trying to keep the overflowing emotions at bay. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad? Maybe Brian wouldn’t mind? Maybe he could just… just for a second?
No. No. No. No.
Brian narrowed his eyes, watching him curiously, “Are you okay there?” he asked with a smile.
Peter grumbled a choked response. Brian’s smile grew wider and he shook his head and threw an arm around his friend.
“You are one weird dude sometimes, man!”
You have no idea.
When Peter didn’t move, Brian frowned, his smile faltering. “We should probably head back, before AJ finds out we’re missing. Although I find that hard to believe, considering the amount of attention he plunged himself in.”
Peter clenched his jaw, staring hard at the smaller man.
Just for a second. He closed his eyes in an attempt to compose himself, hearing Brian scuffling next to him.
“Pete?”
He sounded worried, caring… loving? Everything that left Brian’s mouth sounded like a melody, like a song, even if he wasn’t singing. Peter loved that. Peter hated the temptation that voice held with every single word it brought forth though.
“Pete, what’s wrong?”
Brian’s lips were tinted blue slightly from the cold, but Peter didn’t care about that. He didn’t care about the coldness of the singer’s cheeks, or the sharp intake of his breath, not even the smothered shriek that escaped Brian’s mouth as Peter roughly planted his lips on his in the cold winter’s night.
Author's Chapter Notes:
just a sneak peek really XD
