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A Knot of Fur and Scars


“You actually put humble? Are you mad?” Remus looked up from the parchment with a chuckle. “James Potter. Humble. Those are certainly antonyms, aren’t they?”

It was first thing in the morning and Sirius was laying across his bed, still in his pyjamas, his head hanging off the side, “Exact opposites, those are.” He held out his hand, “Let me see the list, you lot.” Remus passed it to Peter who passed it to James who handed it over to Sirius. Sirius turned it over and read it over.

James sighed, “I dunno how to describe myself. I’m just me.” He sighed and leaned over the fresh parchment on his knees. He was the only one of the four of them that was fully dressed already, robes and tie and all. “What do you lot think I ought to have on my list?”

“Brave,” Peter said instantly before anyone else could say a word, tying his trainers.

“Definitely,” nodded Sirius. “And I rather like impulsive. You’re certainly that. In a good way. Also in a bad way. Impulsive is sort of why you forget your wand, isn’t it?”

“Energetic,” supplied Remus, rolling a pair of black trouser socks over his ankles, “You’re never sitting still.” Even at that moment, as he was balancing the parchment on one knee, James was playing a bit of one-handed catch-and-release with the snitch Sirius had stolen way back in first year that they kept locked up in the drawer of the nightstand. His fingers closed around it just as Remus said it and he smirked.

“I rather like sarcastic, too,” Sirius said.

“Alright…” James looked at the parchment he was writing on. “That gives me brave, loyal sarcastic, impulsive, protective, determined, and energetic.” He looked about at them. “Sums me up?”

“To a T,” replied Sirius, grinning.

James stared at the words, repeating them over in his mind. Brave. Loyal. Sarcastic. Impulsive. Protective. Determined. Energetic. It wasn’t a bad list, as far as lists went. He was rather proud of it, and he smiled, “Thanks guys.”

Sirius sat up, “Alright. Do me now.”

“Brave again,” Peter said immediately.
“Frisky,” laughed Remus, kicking his feet into his shiny black shoes.

“Rebellious,” added James.

“Loyal,” Remus said solemnly, then, “Trustworthy... Sacrificing.”

James nodded. “That’s Sirius alright. Tack on hilarious and that’s the whole of him!”

Sirius grinned, “Well you’re loyal, too, Rey.”

“And thoughtful,” added James.

“Patient,” added Peter, thinking of all the times Remus had helped him with homework.

“Nurturing, rather. You help people grow,” Sirius said. He kept his eyes diverted from Lupin as he spoke, using the moment to check out his hair in the mirror, running his fingers through each side carefully, then grabbing his Gryffindor tie from where he’d flung it over the nearest chair the night before, wrapping it up about his head. “And you’re passionate and intelligent.”

“Thanks,” Remus said, pinkening in the cheeks.

“Grateful,” supplied Peter, fumbling helplessly with his tie until James finally shoved the snitch in the drawer and got up to help him out with it.

“Oh forever grateful,” agreed Sirius, nodding eagerly.

“I’d like to think I’m rather witty,” Remus said.

Sirius laughed, “Yes, definitely witty, too.”

“How about me?” Peter asked, looking about at them, desperately. “What am I?” His eyes sparkled with hopefulness, wanting them to say words that were as strong as what they’d said for each other.

“You’re eager,” said James.

There was a long pause and Peter looked about at them. “Considerate,” suggested Remus, “And merciful... knd.”

“A bit anxious,” said Sirius, “But not in a bad way, mind.”

Peter said, “I’m just glad none of you said cowardly.”

“Maybe a bit skittish,” James relented, tucking Peter’s tie into his sweatervest, “But I wouldn’t say cowardly. Not after what you’d done facing Greyback with me in February.” Then he added, thinking of that night, “And loyal, of course.” He smiled, “All of us are loyal to one another. Always.”

Peter smiled.

“Of course!” Sirius said, proudly, tugging on a dirty plain white t-shirt over his ripped jeans, “That’s what makes us The Marauders!”




It was to be the full moon that night. Remus and Sirius left in the early afternoon, right after lunch, knicking extra food from the table and stuffing it into Sirius’s bookbag. “See you tomorrow,” Sirius said lowly to James as they passed the entrance door, splitting up, as he and Remus ducked out of the castle to the grounds. They ran along the edge of the castle to the Whomping Willow and Remus tossed the rock against the knot in the wood to freeze the rollicking branches. Ducking beneath the long vine-like limbs, the two slid into the open tunnel way and started off to the Shack.

“The moon doesn’t seem to be affecting you as bad as usual,” Sirius observed after they’d walked some time in silence. In fact, they were nearly there. “Your eyes are hardly bruised this month. Perhaps we’ll have a good month?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Remus agreed, “It doesn’t seem to be as strong of a lunar cycle as usual. Of course, it helped, too, that I had the aconite here…” He’d left the leaves in the dormitory at Hogwarts, and he’d had none during the summer moon cycles, which had led to long, hard moons with several extra scars being added to his roster. “Maybe we’ll get through tonight without adding any more scars to my skin,” he laughed. “You know, I tried counting them in July after the full moon, when I woke up to find a whole load of new ones… I lost count somewhere over 45 of significant size just between my two arms, chest and face. I gave up there, since I knew I wouldn’t be able to count the ones on my back anyway.”

Sirius frowned down at his boots as they walked.

“Forty-five ugly marks,” Remus murmured, “Horrible reminders of the monstity I become.”

“I think of them more like constellations.”

Remus looked over at Sirius in the glow of the wands. “Constellations? Like the stars? How in hell do you get that?” he laughed.

“Every one of them tells a story,” Sirius replied, shrugging. “Good, bad, whatever. They make up who you are. They’re like a… a map.”

Remus smiled, “You’ve been thinking way too much about my scars, Mr. Black.”

“Well.” Sirius didn’t know what else to say, so he didn’t. He just let the word hang. They’d reached the trap door anyway, and Sirius distracted himself from the conversation, looking up and pushing the trap door open. He gave Remus a ten finger into the Shack, then climbed up himself and closed the trap door, locking it, sealing them in.

The Shrieking Shack was like a whole other place, thanks to the help of the other two boys, and Sirius looked about with a smile. Granted, downstairs wasn’t anywhere near as nice as what they’d done upstairs - it was still dark and gloomy and grey downstairs, but the couch was repaired and they’d covered it in loads of blankets and tossed blankets all about the floor so that Padfoot and Moony would have comfortable places to lay once the moon rose.

After putting their crystal balls for Mopsus’s class out on the porch side by side - Remus’s on Sirius’s black Beatles t-shirt and Sirius’s on his leather jacket, both of which Sirius had peeled off himself right then and there. It had taken all of Remus’s self restraint not to stare as Sirius shrugged off the leather jacket and then grabbed hold of the hem of the shirt and pulled it up, slowly revealing his belly and back and chest and shoulders until he was naked from the waist up... Remus had turned away and, gulping, sat himself down on the plushly covered couch and sighed at how comfortable it was.

Sirius stood in the doorway, the moon silhouetting him, turning his skin pale blue and giving Remus something to stare at. Remus blinked and practically held his breath at the sight… Then, trying to get him to move out of the light before his mind went to truly unfair places, Remus called, “Come and sit with me, Sirius.”

Sirius went over and threw himself on the opposite end of the couch from Remus, sprawling out so that he looked like a great big starfish and Remus laughed, trying not to stare. “This is a good couch,” Sirius said with a sigh.

“Yeah, it is,” Remus agreed, and he got comfy on the couch, too, snuggling into the cushions so he was staring up at the ceiling instead of at Sirius. “Could use a pillow, though.”

Sirius stared at him a moment as he struggled to angle himself in a way that afforded him a comfortable place for his head. Finally, smiling to himself, Sirius changed into Snuffles and he climbed right over Remus and curled up in the corner of the couch behind him, giving Remus his side to use as a pillow. Rey smiled, “Ahhh. Perfection. Thanks, Padfoot.”

Sirius barked, then snuggled up so his snout was nuzzled into Remus’s neck, exactly where he’d been wanting to put his face for the last month. Remus’s smell filled his senses and he tingled with happiness as Remus brought his hand up absently and started scratching softly right behind Sirius’s ears as he was falling into a nap. Sirius instinctively kicked his foot a bit in happiness as Remus scratched - it just felt so good…

They both fell asleep there on the couch, a knot of fur and scars.




Remus awoke to the feeling of his spine returning to normal as he changed back to a boy, just as his hips lurched and snapped into their rightful place. He was laying on the floor in a pile of blankets. Laying directly across his lap, so that they must’ve been tangled up laying on top of one another in a ying-yang as dogs, too, was Snuffles. Remus smiled weakly at the dog, waiting for his wolf memories to process and come, and slowly ran his hands across his fur, rubbing his ears, which were velvety soft. It was easy to forget that this dog was Sirius, and Remus bent down in one of those moments of forgetting, and softly kissed the top of the dog’s head, stroking his snout and cheek. He duck-billed his lips and scratched at the fuzzy softness at the cheeks and jawline of the dog and Snuffles head lifted up in response, relishing the feeling of the pats. His eyes stayed closed. “Good doggy,” whispered Remus, “Good doggy…” and as he said it, he realized how weird it was, calling his best mate a good doggy, and he stopped patting and talking as he flushed. Snuffles head laid back down across Rey’s legs and he continued on sleeping.

Remus’s mind suddenly flooded with flashes of the night.

They’d gone out to the woods, he remembered, he could see images of following Sirius’s black fuzzy tail through the trees, leaping logs…

They’d chased a couple rabbits, but neither had bothered to actually catch one, they’d already eaten plenty before changing…

They’d come to a clearing near a tall stone on the far side of the Black Lake, looking back over toward the silhouette of Hogwarts and Sirius had sat there, looking back at the castle while Remus had paced, nervous energy coursing through him…

There’d been more running… running… running…

Flashes of trees, of brush…

And then back here, climbing the porch, stepping over the crystals…

Soft fur twined around one another in the blankets… a tight knot of dog limbs, curling about, muzzles pressed into each other’s fur, the smell of the woods, of bracken and something else, something like firewhiskey… must’ve been Sirius’s cologne still lingering on his skin beneath his fur…

It had been a good night, Remus was thankful for it… and as he laid there, stroking Snuffles, he transformed subconsciously into Sirius, for his eyes were still closed, but the fur was melting away before Remus’s very eyes so that suddenly he was no longer running his hand through a dog’s hair but over a young man’s bare shoulder, the Beatles t-shirt still on the porch… Remus slowed his hand. Sirius’s head was in his lap, his hair hanging over his leg. Remus hesitated, then brought his hand up to run it through Sirius’s actual hair. He smoothed a few errant strands from Sirius’s forehead, pushing them back up into the thick, soft wavy mane. A jolt went through him as he did it… he’d wanted to for some time… and here he was…

Sirius whimpered quietly in the back of his throat and shifted his weight. A bit nervously, Remus drew his hand away, not wanting to be caught touching Sirius’s precious hair. It seemed that was a felony punishable by death in Sirius’s book and Remus flushed at the thought of how terribly off limits he’d been running his fingers through it as he had - and a smirk crossed his face. What a rebel I am, he thought, and he laughed and laid back down, closing his eyes as his head lay naturally across Sirius’s lap because this was how they’d been as dogs and he couldn’t move without waking Sirius up and honestly Remus didn’t mind staying exactly as they were. He drifted back to sleep as his head came to rest on Sirius’s leg.

Sirius kept his eyes closed. There were a thousand things he wanted to say… but he didn’t have the words for any of them… and it was easier to just pretend that he was still asleep and that he had been all along.