Nonetheless, I held Michael's hand comfortingly. Although it was meant to comfort him, in a way I found that it was also making me feel better.
I looked around for something to distract Mike from his worries. It made me feel sad, though. A three year old shouldn't have to worry over if his older brother is dying.
"Look, Mike... sharks!" I exclaimed. I pulled him gently over to the sharks, watching as his face light up in delight. Many small children are afraid of sharks, but Mike loves them. He used to think they were the best animals that existed.
We were watching the large animals for several minutes, and I watched along with him, but mostly I was observing his face. He was taking in every single detail, I knew, and trying to photograph them with his mind in order to draw them later. His face while he did this was priceless to watch, he was watching in awe, with his mouth open and his eyes open wide. My mouth was also open, but for different reasons. I may be his father, and thus biased, but... Michael's soft, perfect nose, his blue eyes strikingly beautiful, his blond hair, though I hadn't combed it, looking all perfectly in place, and his shortness making him look young and innocent. I wondered how I had ended up with such a handsome little boy.
About half an hour later, I softly suggested we move on, so we went on to see the fishes. Michael liked some of them but, as he explained: "The fishies all look the same and all day do is swim."
"What do you think sharks do?" I asked, amused.
"Swim. And eat. And sleep. And attack other animals."
"Fishes do those things, too." I stated.
Michael looked impressed, and from then on looked at the fishes more carefully.
Next I asked him what HE wanted to see. He stood for a moment in deep thought before exclaiming: "The ponies!"
I looked at him strangely. "We're in an aquarium, honey, there's no ponies." I said, sorry to disappoint him.
"Yeah, there were some last time!" he said, pouting.
"Maybe you're thinking of when we went to the zoo, Artist."
"No, no, it was here!" he said.
Suddenly it clicked in my mind. Of course! He wanted to see the sea horses.
"Oh, I get it, Mikey, let's go find the ponies." I smiled at him and took his hand.
You know, maybe the trip was not a disaster after all.
We found the sea horses and were watching them for a while until Mikey took my hand and led me to the dolphins, probably MY favorite part of the whole aquarium. A show was about to begin, so we entered and took the best seats we could find. I surprised myself by realizing that I was excited, like I would have been if I'd been Mike's age, maybe even older, over this. I came to realize, though, that my excitement over dolphins, sharks, music, and other things had long since faded. It was then when I realized that I had actually been depressed, ever since Josh was diagnosed, and that's why I never felt like doing much anymore, and my head was always hurting, and I felt sad all the time for no particular reason. I had been blaming it on the leukemia all along, but in fact it was all in me.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey there, I hope you like this chapter, it may seem simple but in fact it's taken me longer than most. REVIEW!! =)
