That day went smoothly, and so did the ones that followed, until Thursday the 13th of December, which, to refresh your memory, is the day that Josh had to undergo chemotherapy for consolidation, the second course of chemotherapy. The course in itself was supposed to take ten weeks, but so did Induction, and we went about 15 days overdue on that one, due to infections or complications, as doctors like to refer to these things. However, Dr. Wilson assured us that it's not at all unusual for that to happen.
The 13th began rather like they used to begin. I awoke shaking from a very intense nightmare, also with a very intense migraine. Did this happen to other parents? I made a mental note to find out about some sort of support group for parents. I knew I couldn't get through this by myself, and it would probably be easier that way, anyway.
Josh had a visit with a psychologist and then one for the chemotherapy itself, which was going to take more or less two days, including an overnight stay and stuff.
I took a tylenol hoping to ease the migraine, then had a cup of coffee in the front porch, watching the sunrise and lightly swinging on the porch swing. I watched as the small pink spot in the east grew to be a spot of light, then I finally saw the whole sun, bright and shining. It was quite pleasant, actually.
That's when things started to get better.
I went back inside at about seven thirty, to awake Ryan and Jamie. Later I would awake Michael and Joshua, since Mike doesn't go to school and Joshua's appointment wasn't until later.
Breakfast was uneventful, then Ryan and Jamie left (Ryan usually takes Jamie to school, then goes to high school), I was left, alone again. It was to early to wake the kids. Although the fever last week ended up being nothing, Michael needed his rest. And Josh needed it even more, given his physical condition.
At around nine I woke them both up, and at quarter to ten we were heading out the door.
"Boom!" I heard, it was a storm. Just the right moment, huh? We rushed back inside to shelter ourselves from the rain, which was beginning to fall down fast.
It was raining cats and dogs.
I helped Mike put on his raincoat, then Josh asked me to go up to his room and get his, as well. He may have been taking advantage of me, but well... I did so, after all, I'm his father.
The radio happened to be on, and I wasn't really paying attention to it, but to searching for Joshua's navy blue raincoat, which due to the drought he hadn't used for a while, so I'd told him months ago to just put it away.
"... do not leave your houses unless absolutely necessary..." was the last thing I heard from the radio before the light went out. Oh great, just what we needed.
I heard Mike cry out from the bottom floor. It was the middle of the morning, but the sky was really dark and now, the house was, too, so it was scary for him. What do you expect from a three-year-old?
Anyway, the way that Josh was, it was likely that Josh would hold Mike in a tight embrace and whisper some comforting words in his ear.
I finally found the raincoat, though it seemed smaller than I remembered it... hopefully it would fit, though, after all, he'd lost many pounds.
It did fit, and then I was left with the question... should we leave anyway? The storm was heavy, but Josh had an appointment and it already looked like we were going to be late, so... what was I supposed to do?
As I reflected I realized that the storm on the outside was just reflecting my inner storm, the storm that had began on September 7th, threatening to rip my soul in a thousand pieces and tearing me as I constantly fought to regain control of my feelings.
___________
Oh you can't tell me
it's not worth tryin' for.
I can't help it
there's nothing I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Yeah, I'd die for you
- Everything I do, Bryan Adams.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Weather Storm, Craig Armstrong (I know, I already used that one. But it seems fitting).
Everything I do, Bryan Adams.
Everything I do, Bryan Adams.
