Christmas ended up being better than I thought it would. Since Joshua was feeling pretty well, most of the time I practically forgot anything was wrong at all. The kids all really liked their presents, especially Ryan, who hadn't been sure if he was going to get the car he wanted so desperately. What was most touching, however, was Joshua. Being as sweet as he is, he asked on Christmas evening if we could go to the hospital.
"The hospital?" I repeated. "Miss it already?"
I was trying to be funny, but Josh was serious.
"Yes, I want to go see the other kids who are stuck there this Christmas, and try to cheer them up." He explained. It seemed really important to him.
So we did it. Ryan and Jamie were very reluctant, and Mike, sweet as he is, thought the idea was good, but was too shy. But we still all went.
Josh went to see his best friend at the hospital, whose name, I learned, was Micah. I didn't know that before, and I was glad to see this side of him, who would do something so thoughtful for his friends. I met Micah myself, and he touched me in a special way.
The guy was really far gone- he had a terrible infection, had already relapsed twice, and was going to face a bone marrow transplant very soon. That is, if he survived the infection.
I had to gown up to go see him, but I didn't mind- I'd done this kind of thing before, not only to see Josh, but also back in my Backstreet days. The children had always been excited to see me, and I'd tried hard to be cheerful and not to stare and cry at the way that the kids were suffering.
But nothing could have prepared me to meet Micah. He was awake for about fifteen minutes, talking to me about himself. He was probably going to die, he thought, but he didn't care. He was a Christian, he explained, and he couldn't wait to see God, and his relatives, and his baby sister, who had died several years earlier, victim of a brain tumor.
What touched me so much was his hope. He knew that his prognosis wasn't good, and yet he filled his mind with nice thoughts about heaven. His faith was so strong, so pure and beautiful.
He wasn't depressed over his bad luck, nor over his family being so poor they could not pay for the treatment without going in debt, nor over the fact that he had to spend Christmas day by himself at a hospital.
He smiled and cracked jokes, and I got to see his sense of humor. That was also beautiful.
It's sad that these things have to happen to children, but that evening made me see that something good could come out of this. Josh would probably be very sensitive to children, and he'd always been sweet. I had no trouble imagining him as the manager of a very large foundation against cancer, or something of the sort.
It was a very short meeting, as I said, fifteen minutes or so. Then he drifted off to sleep again, and I sat watching the boy for a few minutes before finally leaving.
Micah had made me see how little time we've got to live, and that we shouldn't waste it feeling sorry for ourselves and being depressed- which is, in fact, what I'd been doing.
That's when I decided to see the counsellor that Brian had recommended. And see if he or she could help me get my feelings under control once again. And, most importantly, be happy.
Later that night I was tossing and turning, trying hard to fall asleep, but the image of Micah stuck in my head. The boy was something special, that was for sure.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Again, sorry that it took so long.
